


Us (You and I Forever)

by strayeffects



Series: Autophobia. [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autophobia, Best Friends, Bottom Kim Seungmin, Childhood Friends, Drama, EPILOGUE ADDED EVERYONE, Friends to Lovers, Kidnapping, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Married Life, Physical Abuse, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Seungmin is wearing eyeglasses, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome (Kind of), Top Hwang Hyunjin, heads up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 44,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24226858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strayeffects/pseuds/strayeffects
Summary: "It'll be fine. We'll be fine. I won't let anything happen tous."Seungmin had fallen asleep first, and Hyunjin had spent the entire night awake, admiring the way his eyes crooked perfectly into a strong nose. The way his divine lips curved and flattened. The way his eyelids softly shifted when Hyunjin reached out to stroke away his fringe, murmuring like a tired puppy and snatching Hyunjin's heart like that. He had wanted to memorize every detail of the face in front of him as he swam in the idea ofus.Continuation ofWhen You Love Someone
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: Autophobia. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746331
Comments: 37
Kudos: 186





	1. one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readahs! 
> 
> Before you start reading this chapter, I would like to clarify some things first regarding this series.
> 
> This story was the continuation of the first part of this series entitled "When You Love Someone." Please do make sure to read the first part because it has a connection to this one. Here is the link of the first part: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049765  
> Feel free to skip the rape part if you feel uncomfortable. Then after reading the first part you can now proceed here.  
>    
> Basically, this part two is consists of three chapters. This will going to be a long ass three-chaptered story. The whole three chapters focuses between seungjin only of course. The mad Seungmin, the bad friend Hyunjin, and how things would change as time passes by. But the skz gang will be included at the upcoming chapters.
> 
> The concept of the story was inspired to a novel by Ms. Lucy Christopher entitled Stolen. And the title itself was inspired on Got7's song entitled 'Us'.
> 
> I hope you like this AKJSJDJDJJDJD. I accept any criticisms and anything after you read this. So yeah, enjoy! Xoxo. -m.

The air was ice cold as Seungmin shuddered awake. He felt sticky all over his body. The smell of weed and sex clung to his skin, almost suffocating him back into unconsciousness. If it wasn't for the scent of sweet, morning coffee gently wafting through the room, he would've passed out again.

Seungmin pushed his body up from the foreign bed slowly, stumbling when his arm wobbling. He examined the room noticing how different their room to this one.

The memories returned in a deliberately slow manner, cruel reminders of the lust forced upon his body and system. Hyunjin, his very own best friend that he had known for many years, fucked him against everything, against the wall, the sheets, bending him over a desk and ravaging him relentlessly.

Seungmin let out a stupid, pathetic laugh that sounded like sobbing.

He was trying to reach the ground with his feet when he instantly realized that he was wearing a fresh shirt, this was Hyunjin's favorite shirt. Why would he let him use this?

Seungmin instantly looked at the doorway, the creak of the door can be heard. And there, it flexed his best friend's malicious smile. In a blink of an eye, he could feel the slightest tremble in his shoulders.

"Good morning, my best, dude. Wanna have some coffee?"

Seungmin didn't answer, he just stared at his older friend standing at the door, his stoic look returned to Hyunjin's face. How could he give that fucking smile after what he had done to him.

"You should have just rest there in bed, the drug has not worn off yet," Hyunjin added. A sleepy Hyunjin, he noted. His smile had now dissipated, his face pale and his eyes sleepy, him being dressed in nothing but a white t-shirt and a pair of grey boxer briefs. He ran a hand over the back of his neck. Seungmin's blood instantly boiled at what he had heard. _So he had drugged him, huh?_ He let out a chuckle.

_How dare you how dare you how dare you._

Seungmin's fists tightened, wanting to glare at Hyunjin with all his hate but finding his resolve and dignity too shattered to follow through.

Hyunjin entered, he didn't even noticed that he was carrying a tray of breakfast, along with a coffee on it. He came closer then sat beside Seungmin, he placed the tray at the table near them.

"Stay away from me." He choked out, unaware of how quiet his voice had become.

"Come on, Seungs. I know how much you wan–" Hyunjin was not done talking yet when Seungmin clutched the older's collar and punch the shit out of his face, yanking him forward when the older flopped on to the bed due to the impact.

"I don't have to do a fucking single thing you tell me to do."

He positioned Hyunjin's legs between his, his eyes staring down at the older angrily, he could felt how fucking wet his eyes right now.

He tried to just stand normally only to collapse onto his knees. Every muscle in his loins were on fire. Still, he'd rather die than to remain in this room any longer. Forcing himself up and biting down on his bottom lip, Seungmin just clutched Hyunjin shirt. He didn't care anymore of the drug on his system, Hwang Hyunjin's the big deal here. He need to teach this asshole a lesson.

Hyunjin took a hold of his punched cheek, his expression turned into a _smile_ , a smile so grotesque and gleeful that Seungmin felt like he was staring at the devil himself.

"You... You're such a bastard, aren't you? Why did you humiliated me? Why did you wrecked me, and why do you still had the audacity to send me these after everything, huh!? How could you!" his voice broke as he shouted, trying so hard to be strong but failing at the sudden memories from yesterday flashing on his mind.

Seungmin brought a hand to his head and completely stood up, bowing his head. His eyes couldn't help but fall shut, so tightly he even saw stars, and he bent forward. He felt a hand on his back and he immediately slapped it away. Hyunjin shouldn't touch him. At all. He wouldn't touch him again. Preferably he should be one thousand miles away from him. He shouldn't even _exist_.

"Have a drink, seriously." Hyunjin stood like nothing happened as he tried to approach him but it seems that he failed as Seungmin raised his hand. He slapped the mug out of his grip, even if he was aiming for Hyunjin's cheek. The glass fell to the floor and the coffee spilled out over the carpet, but Seungmin didn't hear it breaking to his disappointment. He'd love to have Hyunjin cut his feet. The taller one decided to became silent and stared at Seungmin, watching him suffer. Seungmin would have told him to get off if he could, because he wasn't even _worth_ it. Maybe he should just turn to him and scream in his face? Seungmin even tried, his sharp eyes meeting his and he took a breath to scream, but he failed and felt how his body bent instead.

"I have my reasons, Seungmin." Hyunjin murmured, voice so quiet and sullen, Seungmin didn't took it to heart, not gonna believe on his lies anymore. "I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I never wanted to see you being like this," He wrapped his arms around Seungmin, carefully bringing Seungmin back onto his bed, "I'm sorry." He kissed his forehead before turning around and walked away and out of the room. 

Sorry is not enough, and will _never_ be enough. Sorry will not bring back the mistake that he had done, and out of billion people living right now, why it has to be _him_? His own best friend who took advantage of him and easily took his virginity like that. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch himself for being a weakshit he was right at this very moment. He should be strong. 

Seungmin looked after Hyunjin, and as soon as the door closed, he flew out of the chair out of adrenaline rushing onto his system, stumbled over to the window with the small energy he had gathered. It was only a few meters so Seungmin actually succeeded, his hands fumbling along the window after the lock that separated him from the outside world. He got it open and lifted his leg so he could climb out, hyperventilating when he glanced down. He realized that he was at the second floor. He wouldn't break a leg or something, would he?

He had to take the chance, groaning a little when his feet landed on the small roof that was just outside the window. It was purple and actually pretty clean, Seungmin closing the window after him before he crouched down. Maybe he was actually going to succeed. Maybe he would actually be able to get home and tell everything that happened to his parents, then Hyunjin will gonna pay for all the things that he had done. Oh God, thank You so much.

  
Seungmin stumbled just a little when he started walking, the fingers on the hem of his shirt being clutched. He was shivering too, because it was colder than he thought. He had forgot that it was snowy season, but there was one thing he was sure at.

They were in a not-so-ordinary place, that's for sure.

He gasped when his foot slid and rolled down the roof, but he got a grip of the emergency ladder that was stuck to the wall right next to the window, so he didn't fall down completely. He breathed out and forced himself onto his feet again even if they were hurting. _He had to get home._ That was all he wanted.

His feet started hurting even more when Seungmin set that one foot down on the ladder to climb down, feeling how his tears that were about to leave his eyes. But he held them in. Hyunjin wasn't _worth_ it. He didn't want to cry, and Hyunjin was the absolute last person he wanted to cry about. Despite thinking about his bastard friend, he took a deep and harsh breath and just straightened, quickly going down until he reached the ground.

There had to be some kind of way out in here. Maybe not a road or a street, but some kind of path through the forest just had to be there. He started walking again, eyes observing the trees that were right beside the fairly small lake. As long as he got through that forest and out on the other side it would be fine, right? Hyunjin wouldn't be able to find him and he could find a road or something and follow it. He would be fine. Hyunjin wouldn't see him and he'd just gonna suffer once he get out of here because that's what he deserves.

Seungmin could feel a small smile tug on his thin lips when he got closer and closer. And he didn't even hear the voice that called for him, only when two arms slid around his waist and held him back, his smile fell. He immediately knew that it was Hyunjin, so he started to scream and struggle against him, trying to get out of his grip. "No! Let me go!" he screamed and punched and actually hit his jaw and eye, even if Hyunjin's grip loosened a little it was still too tight for Seungmin to break away. He got tugged across his territory again, Seungmin yelling and cursing into Hyunjin's ear that he had to let him go and let him go home. Yet, it seems that his best friend didn't give a fuck on it, just like what he did that night. Hyunjin would just hissed quietly whenever Seungmin tried to punch him, something that failed due the drug still being in Seungmin's body, weakening him, and just continued to drag him into the house again. Seungmin could feel the air rushes on to their body making him stop on protesting. But it only took a second or two for the younger to start hitting Hyunjin's chest again.

They both went inside the house and Seungmin was able to observe the surroundings with his teary eyes. There was a door right next to him to his left, the walls in some kind of pale yellowish green paint. The kitchen was open and pretty old fashioned, and you could clearly see that it was used a lot, the towels and such being very over washed. Pots were still on the stove too. To the right of him was an open area with a fireplace and a sofa together with two armchairs, drawers dressing the wall right next to him, and a white cover and pillow rested on the couch.

Where did this came from? How did he managed to have this kind of home?

Seungmin breath hitched when he got shoved into the room, his screams echoing. The back of his legs hit something and he fell, sobbing out when he realized it was a bathtub. He looked up at Hyunjin that opened the faucet behind him. Seungmin crawled into the corner of the bathtub more properly and curled his body, not wanting Hyunjin to see him like this again. He couldn't even hold back his quivers and sobs anymore when he remembered the night when Hyunjin raped him, so he just let it all out, hiding his face in his hands.

"Leave me alone." he sobbed, taking a shaky breath when he felt something warm pour over his body. Warm water. It almost felt nice, Seungmin glancing at the bowl that was held by Hyunjin, watching him scoop up some more from another much bigger one. He swallowed, shoving the bowl away when it got closer. He turned away again.

"You're dirty." Hyunjin whispered, his eyes turned ice cold as he look at the younger.

"Not dirtier than _you._ " Seungmin mocked him sharply. It's kinda contrasting to look for Seungmin curling together in the corner of the tub when his eyes were piercing sharp through Hyunjin's soul. And there, in the blink of an eye, he hid his whole face into his forearms. "Go away."

"Just let me wash you, you'll feel a lot better."

"Feel better? Don't tell me that, asshole, as if you really know my feelings that much! You didn't even give a fuck of what I feel that _night_ , can't believe you became my friend for years!"

They stared at each other. Hyunjin looked at him. He almost glared though. The audacity of him to glare at Seungmin like that, when it was all of his fault at the first place why every shit happened. But it didn't took that long when Seungmin decided to avoid the gaze. 

" _Please,_ leave me alone."

So Hyunjin did, standing up and closing the faucet before he walked out the door. He even closed it behind him, and he knew that this was his chance to escape, but he didn't even try. He stayed there, crying into his arms. He didn't have the energy to continue.

He couldn't believe this is happening. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve Hwang Hyunjin at all.

-

He must have fallen asleep, because when Seungmin opened his eyes again he was wrapped into a soft blanket.

He sat up, looking around the room. Same place, same room, same bed. Empty, yet the front door was open. Seungmin tried to stood up, but ended up only stumbling back onto the bed again. He felt a lot better, but he still felt tired and a little dizzy.

He decided to try to stand up again. He slowly rose onto his feet, thighs trembling. Nothing hurt anymore. His head? Well, kind of.

Slowly but surely he straightened his arms and legs too, breathing out when he stood up straight. He took one step, and then another towards the door. It went fine, he just only stumbled on the third, fourth, and fifth one, stepping so hard. By the time he took his sixth step he was already at the door, peeking out. Yep, he's already doing fine.

He peeked around the living room, finding Hyunjin's presence everywhere the room. This was his chance to escape, he need to get this opportunity so he could finally get the fuck out of here, and he was about to step out when someone had spoke at the doorway, particularly in front of him.

"You're awake," Seungmin looked up at no other than Hwang fucking Hyunjin, watching how his head tilted. "You feel better yet?"

Seungmin glared at him. How on earth would he ask such question if he already knew the answer. Of course _no_ , he would never, ever getting feeling better after destroying his future, his dreams, his _everything_.

Seungmin watched as Hyunjin returned to the sofa and quickly fix the cover, setting the pillows out against the back rest of the sofa. He stretched when he finished and Seungmin looked away, glaring outside instead. The sky was just slightly dark, but he could saw the moving of leaves from the trees, realizing they were in a forest or something along those lines, trees surrounding the lake that was just outside. Mountains were spotted in the distance along with fields of green grass, and Seungmin was kinda impressed. There's no way that a Hwang Hyunjin would know this place. There's absolutely no way.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Hyunjin said, walking up to Seungmin's side. He immediately tried to move as far away from him as possible, even though it was just an inch or two, or maybe three.

"Don't you fucking stand near me." Seungmin muttered, and Hyunjin surprisingly took a step away. Still, he continued to look out the door, Seungmin doing the same. He remained silent for a minute, resting his lips on the awe.

"Why am I here?" he whispered. "You have no real reason to keep me. I was supposed to prepare for leaving right now." He looked away when Hyunjin softly chuckled, Seungmin quietly rolled his fist at the sound.

"I have enough for the both of us." he said, kind of tugging out his shirt into a more comfortable position. Seungmin kept his eyes out the door.

"For how long?" he whispered.

"A long time."

"No," Seungmin muttered. "I mean for how long are you keeping me?"

"I don't know." Hyunjin shrugged. He didn't say anything else, so Seungmin glanced up at him but looked away when Hyunjin looked back.

“You can't keep me here forever."

"Maybe not."

"Then why am I here?!" Seungmin asked angrily this time, now staring at Hyunjin, unimpressed. "Let me go."

"I have my reasons." the older responded, "And no, you're gonna stay here." and Seungmin suddenly felt broken, almost hopelessly turning his gaze at the ground.

Hyunjin didn't say anything after that. No, he closed the door in front of them before he turned around and walked away out of the living room, leaving him there speechless.

It was his opportunity to get out for the second time, but he didn't took the chance once again.

-

It took many days for Seungmin to try his best escaping the house. Every day passes, he tried and tried and tried to get out of the place, not missing any opportunity, every time Hyunjin goes out, every time he takes a bath, almost _every_ time. The best that he did so far is when he reached a certain river, he had to climb the tree once he heard Hyunjin's voice calling him but that failed though since the thinnest branch that he had held had instantly cut, making him fall on the ground full of leaves. He ended up carrying by Hyunjin like a sac of rice and finally brought him home.

He got tired after a week though, he'd been feeling desperate all the time to get out that he didn't notice that slowly, he'd gotten tired and tired and tired. There's no other choice though, every time he'd been planning something, Hyunjin will enter and ruined the fuck out of them.

He need to rest for the moment, but that doesn't mean he'll gonna stop on escaping. 

-

Seungmin had been right about the rain, it reflected one's sadness as it continued to fall onto the road. He watched it, his chin resting on his fist as he sat in an armchair, watching lightings and listening to the thunder outside. It was pretty cozy and nice, the room being colored in a red and grey color with the sky being dark blue, yet slightly orange from the sun peeking out. He had decided to enjoy it while he could. It's been a long time since hadn't seen this.

He had been thinking a lot of States since he came here. How he had taken things for granted – like his dreams, his career, his passion for singing, and how quickly he had lost them.  
  


  
The soccer gang too, and his parents. He wasn't even sure that they knew that he was gone yet. The trip was supposed to last for a few months, and now he didn't know when he would get back, even if he would ever come back.

The boy breathed out a little, making the window fog slightly, watching as it disappeared again. He was bored and still a little cold, even though Hyunjin had given him a blanket that Seungmin at first had refused to take. But the older had left it on the bed and left, and Seungmin had stared at it before he had walked over and wrapped it around himself.

The days were warm and the night's cold and Seungmin had no idea what was going on anymore. This could still count as winter, for all he knew. He kept his eyes out the window when he heard the door open, footsteps walking up to his side. Seungmin slightly closed his eyes and shuddered, preparing himself for feeling a hand on his shoulder or back, but all he could hear was the drawer next to him open and close. Some quiet groaning too, Seungmin figuring that Hyunjin pulled on a jacket. He was quiet afterwards, and then glanced at the younger.

"Do you want some food to eat?" he asked. Seungmin slowly shook his head, not wanting to talk. "You sure, man?"

"I'm sure," Seungmin whispered.

Hyunjin hummed a little, staying where he stood. The younger one thought that he would leave, looking up at him for a second. Hyunjin was still there. He wasn't looking at him for once, just out the window, but glanced down when Seungmin started moving on his seat. He would have done the same thing, actually, so he didn't snarl at him. 

He sighed again, hugging the thick fabric of the blanket between his fingers. He shivered a little, looking away when the lights flashed outside the window.

"We're in Cheongju-si." Hyunjin suddenly said. 

Seungmin looked at him again. "Cheongju-si?" he asked. "Why Cheongju?"

"Why not, dude?" Hyunjin smiled. "It's the best city of them all, according to me."

"Why did you decide to tell me? Now I can just tell the police and they'll find me."

"Maybe," the older shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest, fingers drumming on his arms. "I just think that you deserve to know."

Seungmin looked away. "You're stupid." 

Hyunjin only chuckled.

Seungmin blinked, shifting in the armchair. His heels were cold against the upper part on his thighs, his legs bent to his chest. He sighed to himself.

"Why did you go here, then?" Seungmin instantly asked. "Why did you _bring_ me here?"

"Let's just say I wasn't the happiest I could be over there."

"Really?"

Seungmin looked up at him again, eyebrows furrowing when he noticed the expression Hyunjin was wearing. He was smiling, eyes on the floor, fingernails digging into his arms. Yet, he didn't look so happy.

In Seungmin's defense, Hyunjin wasn't like that before. If he feels sad, he would usually cuddle him and tell him all the things that were making him feel sad.

But now, from the way he smiles, he could feel how he was hiding his real emotion, just, just keeping it to himself only.

He knows it, he knows that feeling, keeping his feelings just for good.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you weren't happy?"

"I'm too focused to find what true happiness means, trying to find everywhere when all this time, the meaning was just right there, just... just _near_ me."

"Are you now?" Seungmin asked, he didn't seemed to get Hyunjin's thought. "Are you happy now that you're here?"

"I'm happier than before, at least." Hyunjin said with a smile, looking at the bedroom door. Seungmin followed his gaze.

"What makes you unhappy then?" he muttered. "You got a house like this, the looks, and talents, connections–"

Hyunjin shrugged again. "There are more to life than having those." he said, smiling softly down at Seungmin, who quickly tore his eyes away from him.

"How can you be happy without a house?" Seungmin snorted.

"Believe me, you can," Hyunjin said, studying his fingers for a moment. "I think a homeless person can be happier than someone with a mansion, a car and a... complete family."

"How?" Seungmin expected an answer, but when he didn't get one he frowned, fists tightening. "Answer me if I ask you something." Curiosity is killing him right at this moment. Hyunjin wasn't _this_ serious before.

Hyunjin chuckled and shook his head, turning his head to look down at the smaller boy that sat with the blanket around him. "You could be unwanted."

Seungmin looked up at him, lips parting a little, so unnoticeably that he barely noticed it himself. He was about to ask him, to ask him if he had been unwanted, because as far as he know, many people had loved him. Hyunjin smiled and turned, walking away before he got the chance to.

The door closed behind him and Seungmin found himself standing up and following him, stopping halfway down the stairs, he held Hyunjin's arm. Hyunjin stopped when he felt a hand on him, looking at Seungmin with a semi-irritated look.

"Tell me something I didn't know." he stated with such determination, his eyes looking straight at Hyunjin's.

"Unwanted?" he wondered.

"You know. That you don't want them there anymore, even though you love them."

"Were you unwanted... like before?" Seungmin cleared his throat. He kinda feel that to Hyunjin right now but it's not the right time to talk about that.

"Let's just save that for another time."

"What if there won't be another time?" 

"It will, someday." 

Seungmin just looked at him, Hyunjin gesturing Seungmin upstairs with a small nod and a smile. "Why don't you go upstairs and sleep? You're an early sleeper." he suggested. "It's already midnight."

"You don't have to tell me what to do, Hyunjin." Seungmin stated sharply. Hyunjin chuckled softly with a smile.

"How about you do it for yourself then?" he said. 

"I do. You don't have to remind me." 

Hyunjin hummed, nodding up the stairs again. "If you have no more fucking questions you can as well go up then."

And that was it, Seungmin returning to the bedroom and threw himself onto the bed again, thinking why did he chose this place out of many cities in South Korea. He kept on thinking such unanswered questions until those thoughts have brought him on to a deep slumber.

-

It should be a long story, but Seungmin had always been fascinated with the beautiful things around him, especially when it comes to nature and aesthetic stuffs. He didn't want to miss any single detail of the surroundings, that's why he wanted to capture them all and treasure it for who knows how long it will be kept.

He wish he could have a camera right now, but sadly, what he only had right now was Hyunjin's jacket around him, Hyunjin's hand now on his wrist for stumbling the wrong way.

"Don't touch me, Hwang." Seungmin stated sharply, his fist almost aiming at Hyunjin.

"Woah chill, chill. We're going that way, my dude." Hyunjin explained with a smile and pointed the other direction, Seungmin going there without another word, heading the way for the both of them.

Seungmin started to observe once again, the forest felt thicker for some reason. He remembered it being much less trees and bushes, but the forest may not be the same everywhere. Hyunjin could easily pass by climbing it all over, but Seungmin had to climb and push himself over many stones and dodge under low branches while Hyunjin just pushed them aside.

He looked down on the ground, kicking around in the colorful dry leaves for a moment. It should be early fall if Seungmin counted the days correctly. He had completely lost track. He had been here for two weeks, maybe three. He hadn't really been counting. He's been focusing too much on the questions lingering on his mind, like how would he get the fuck out of here, on why did he bring him here, on why did he do that to him that night.

"Watch out, there's a bump there," Hyunjin said and Seungmin immediately stumbled, falling face first to the ground. "Fucking shit." He cursed, crawling onto his knees among the yellow and brown leaves. He spat onto them, tasting some kind of dirt particles in his mouth. He sat up, getting his eyeglasses that was fortunately not broken, just dirty. Hyunjin was already on his knees too, brushing dirt away from Seungmin – well, his own, jacket with his hands and from his knees, he cupped Seungmin's cheeks, Seungmin's too busy with clapping dirt away from his hands to even care. "You okay? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

Seungmin could see how the corner of Hyunjin's lips had slightly curled upwards. He suddenly remembered those _days_ , when Seungmin was the one who usually tripped when they play, and Hyunjin will laugh at him, yet will always be the one to the rescue. But sadly, those days were just part of the past anymore, this was not the Hyunjin that he had known anymore. "Like you care." Seungmin spat, swatting Hyunjin's hands on his cheeks.

"Of course I care. Why wouldn't I?" Hyunjin asked, genuinely confused and at the same time glad.

"No you don't care! I don't believe you." He spat onto the ground again, pushing Hyunjin away before standing. He was busy cleaning himself when he hadn't realize that Hyunjin took something from his jacket, until he heard a click sound coming from Hyunjin.

Hyunjin is having an old quality camera on his hand, taking a picture of him.

"Hwang!" Seungmin immediately took the camera on to his hand, trying to delete the picture of him. Hyunjin smiled at that before following Seungmin who was still leading the way.

"Be careful, Seungs. I'm watching ya."

"Shut up!"

After a few minutes, they started to walk down the narrow path again until they both reach a river, Seungmin walking up to it immediately and set the camera and glasses beside him, his hand dipping on to the water, cleaning them thoroughly.

It was cold, fish jumping up from the water almost everywhere. Seungmin pulled his hands out and sat back, waving his hand around in an attempt to dry them. He couldn't deny the fact that he like the ambiance here, it feels quiet and peaceful.

He looked at the camera beside him. He tried to inspect for the pictures but there were no content on it. Right there, he decided to took a picture of mountains, the sun resting right behind it. He realized it had to be really early. 

He could see right into the river very easily, and Seungmin found it beautiful. But that easily taken away when he sees Hyunjin getting some fish not far away from him. It seems like he has been struggling, he would like to laugh at him, not when he remembered that he was still angry at him for what he had done to him. If he didn't know him, he could have mistaken him as a handsome, idiot fisherman. But then, he knew him for years, and he had already seen the very bad side of him.

Right there, he took a photo of him without Hyunjin knowing. And the object on his hand had almost fell on to the ground when Hyunjin took a full glance on him, smiling after noticing Seungmin's clumsiness.

-

"What day is it?" Seungmin suddenly asked after a long silence. Hyunjin turned around and looked at him.

They were done eating the scrambled egg that Hyunjin had cooked earlier when Seungmin went to the living room. Hyunjin followed him. The egg was salty, too salty for his own tongue. Hyunjin really do suck at cooking. He should have done the cooking.

"It's the 2nd of April," Hyunjin responded, sitting on the floor. He watched Seungmin sat onto the sofa, specifically in front of him. "In three days you have been here for one month."

"Do you plan on letting me go soon? Haven't you had enough?"

"Not yet," Hyunjin answered with a small falter in his voice. He wasn't sure if Seungmin had heard it, he didn't know, maybe. Seungmin drummed his fingertips on the couch, his eyes looking lazily at Hyunjin.

"You had _raped_ me. You'd taken everything from me. When… when have you had enough then?"

"I don't know."

Seungmin sighed heavily before swallowing the burden on his inner being.

He had many times wondered if he would ever get home. Maybe he would never see Day6 on the concert again. Or his parents. Perhaps they would never start a proper talk with him after telling them what Hyunjin had done to him. He doesn't even know how long he would stay with his asshole friend of his. 

Seungmin pulled his eyeglass off, staring out to nothing when his shoulders sank and tremble, soon putting his hand on his forehead, probably not wanting Hyunjin to see him on his crying state. It only took a few minutes for his hand to get soaked in tears, Seungmin silently crying and shaking.

"I hate you." he whispered, voice cracking when he pulled his wet sleeves over his hands and wiped his cheeks. He tried so hard to be strong for many days, but it was no use; soon tears were dripping down on his shirt and the floor again as he stared down, not wanting to stare at Hyunjin. "I hate you so much, Hyunjin."

"I know. I wish I could say the same about you."

"If you really wanted me to stay you wouldn't do this."

"Perhaps not."

"Then why?" Seungmin said, taking a deep breath as he looked at Hyunjin. "Why won't you let me go?" he breathed out, his wet eyes looking at Hyunjin intently. It's quite frustrating to watch Hyunjin pretending like Seungmin wasn't there. He didn't want him to acknowledge him either.

He had almost expected an answer right away, but that's not what he got. He received a silence instead, the cracking from the fireplace continuing. 

"You know I'm not sane, right?" Hyunjin asked after a long silence, reaching his hand upwards so that he could wipe the tears away from Seungmin's cheek, sobbing filling the room for just a split second.

"No, you're insane."

"You don't know what I feel, so that's impossible for you to know." Hyunjin muttered.

"But I was right."

"There's a difference between insanity and desperation." 

"You're still insane." 

"You have no right to put labels on me."

"You're doing that very well yourself."

Hyunjin chuckled then.

"Maybe I do," Hyunjin said, his eyes wandering the ceiling. "I can't help it though."

"Yes you can. You just don't do it."

Hyunjin smiled. Seungmin wiped away the last tears of his, moving a little so his legs were crossed underneath him instead, hands forming fists between them. He kept his eyes away from Hyunjin.

"You know what, Hyunjin, I'm leaving." Seungmin stood up aggressively.

"No." his voice was unexpectedly furious, Seungmin had heard it.

"Yes, I am."

He stood up completely, not wanting to argue anymore. His feet just kind of allowed him to stand up on stable legs and hurry over to the stairs, not knowing that Hyunjin followed until he grabbed his wrist, Hyunjin had to stop, only halfway up the stairs, refusing to look at him in anyway. He was frozen, Hyunjin's fingers so tight around his wrist it went numb. His blood instantly boiled in an unknown reason.

"You're not leaving me, Seungmin! Do you fucking understa–"

The sound of skin slapping together was almost loud enough to wake the dead. It only took a few seconds for Hyunjin's cheek to turn red and sore, his fingers moving from Seungmin's wrist to his own cheek instead. He looked terrified, pale fingertips brushing against the reddened area.

  
Seungmin breathed heavily, his own hand stinging. He even did it again, reminding himself that Hwang fucking Hyunjin had raped him, and he deserve to be slapped, and then again and again. Hyunjin's face snapped to the side each time, his hair flying from side to side, flying on the awe which made him unable to see his face. He was almost happy about it, really. He felt better about himself, knowing that he had wanted to do that from the very start.

When Hyunjin looked up again, it was almost comical how fast his expression change. Hyunjin looked furious, scary as he could feel, his cheek flashing red and pink and his eyes looked wide, Seungmin taking a step back because of it. He swallowed nervously, watching Hyunjin's chest move as he breathed.

"I-I'm–" He stumbled at the stairs when Hyunjin shoved his chest, his heels making him fall backwards onto the steps and he fell, his lower back hitting the sharp edges of the stairs rather harshly. He whimpered, looking up at Hyunjin and prepared for the worst. Hyunjin followed, walking up two steps it took for him to stand right above him, his hands gripping Seungmin's shirt with a large pull, lifting his upper body off the stairs. He waited and waited for _that_ contact, his body curling a little against the stairs.

When he still didn't feel Hyunjin's hand on himself he opened one of his two, teary eyes, looking up at the older that still stood there with his hand raised. The difference was that he didn't look mad anymore. He didn't exactly look calm, but he definitely looked… more _human_.

Seungmin didn't dare to say anything, just lying there with his whole body shaking. Both of them were still breathing heavily and staring at each other when Hyunjin finally let him go, Seungmin wincing when his back and head hit the steps again. Hyunjin turned around as he finally took the jacket and his shoes, disappearing out the door.

-

It's funny how the way they interact had suddenly change in a blink of an eye. Before, both of them would do ways just to get along every time they fight. But in the sudden whiff of the wind, things had instantly change.

It was Hyunjin's fault though. 

None of them spoke for a while after that incident, Seungmin staying in his room for as much as he could, Hyunjin going out almost every day. Every time he would see Hyunjin leave through the window, he would immediately march the fuck down to the kitchen and eat the foods on the table or in the ref. And every time he would come back, he would simply walk up to the stairs until he'd reach the room without looking at Hyunjin. He never had the guts to approach Hyunjin, he was too scared to see him but he was always having that little spark of hope that one day, he would walk in and apologize for what he had done. Because that's what he deserved, sorry is not enough though. 

It took almost a week when Hyunjin took the initiative, the taller man walking into the kitchen while Seungmin was there, attempting to make a vegetable salad, his back facing Hyunjin. He's wearing a black, big sized shirt. He had gotten used to wearing Hyunjin's clothes. He didn't have much of a choice either.

"Let me continue that," Hyunjin said and Seungmin turned around, knife clutched in his hand. He almost dropped it when he jolted, but thankfully he didn't, breathing out. He didn't say anything though. "You've eaten nothing but fruit and vegetables for almost a week."

It's not that Seungmin can't cook. It's just it lacked of food supplies in this house despite having beautiful and complete materials.

"I'm doing fine." Seungmin mumbled, letting the older do the rest of the work. "Besides, it's only five days."

"One day more or less, does it matter?"

"It does to me. I'm counting the days."

"How many so far, then?" Hyunjin smiled genuinely, referring to how many days Seungmin and him had stayed there. Seungmin took all of his efforts to look away, not wanting to see his breathtaking smile.

"Thirty two." Seungmin whispered. "I wanna go home. Let me go."

"Not yet." he said softly, turning back to cut the tomato with the knife.

Seungmin watched him, looking for any expression changes, but didn't get any. He sighed heavily then.

"That night when I slapped you–" he opened up. "I really mean it."

"You fucking did though." Hyunjin chuckle, his voice surprisingly soft despite of the cursing. "You got mad. You should have done it long ago to be honest."

"I tried on my first day here. When I got..." Seungmin stopped on talking, not sure how would he say that.

Hyunjin nodded. "I know, you don't have to elaborate."

It became silent afterwards, until Hyunjin finally gave him the bowl of vegetables together with some jam he said he had made a few days ago. Seungmin took it without a thank you, starting to eat immediately on the spot. 

"Why didn't you hit me back then?" he asked softly, hands tightening a little as he watched his best friend washing his hands.

"Why would I?" Hyunjin asked back, drying his hands on his jeans. "I had no reason to."

"You raped me but you didn't punch me that night," Seungmin laughed bitterly, Hyunjin pushed himself up on the counter. "Can't believe you Hyunjin, you really are insane."

"That's the point. You had a reason to. I didn't have a reason to slap you in return."

Seungmin looked up at him, suddenly losing his appetite. Hyunjin seemed to somehow notice and took the bowl from him, starting to eat from it instead with the same fork. He sighed as he watched him eat.

-

Another day had passed when Seungmin decided to go down the kitchen to find some breakfast, Hyunjin was still at the sofa, sleeping quietly, his blanket being wrapped around his body.

He seemed to forget his goal on the kitchen as he stared at the older for a short moment, watching how peaceful he was when he sleep. He clutched the railing of the stairs with his eyes boring on to his best friend

"Hi." Seungmin jolted at his standing position, seeing Hyunjin's eyes completely open. It scared the shit out of him. "Quite enjoying the view?"

Seungmin avoided his gaze, as expected from the son of the bitch, boastful as always.

"No." he only answered, his eyes glaring at the floor.

Hyunjin rose from his laying position, his legs now crossing. He was cold, it seemed, his blanket had wrapped already around his shoulders. "Did you sleep well?"

"I guess so," Seungmin responded, still standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Uhh, did you?"

"Nah," Hyunjin answered. He rested his head on his hand. "I think I'm catching a cold. I've been sweating all night."

Seungmin stopped. "You should have just woke me." he whispered, clearing his throat awkwardly after.

Hyunjin was quiet, Seungmin almost thinking he was dead, but then he mumbled something that he couldn't hear.

"What?" Seungmin asked dumbly.

"...Don't wanna disturb you." Hyunjin said, this time a little clearer. "It's okay."

Seungmin almost rolled his eyes. _Asshole_.

"I haven't made breakfast yet." Hyunjin instantly reminded him after a short moment of silence. "Could you make me noodles, _Pup_?" Hyunjin nasally asked, looking up at Seungmin.

"No." Seungmin breathed. "Make your own damn breakfast, and don't call me that, Jesus."

"I think it suits you though, I've been wanting to call you that since we were young, " Hyunjin smiled tiredly. "Please make me."

He should be feeling happy since Hyunjin was feeling sick, but since there were no breakfast for today, he sighed heavily and looked at him before he decided to went into the kitchen, crawling onto the kitchen counter to open one of the cabinets. Just today only, Seungmin, just _today_.

He quietly did his business and just waited for the noodles to get soft after the water had boiled. It's kinda weird when he found it out quiet in here, so he simply took a glance at Hyunjin, who is already looking and watching him with his half lidded eyes. He quickly avoided the gaze. He couldn't look at Hyunjin straight to his eyes right after he kidnapped him and bring him here to Cheongju. He became like this after that incident. Fuck Hwang Hyunjin, fuck him straight right to his bones.

"Doing good, Pup?" Hyunjin laughed and Seungmin answered almost angrily.

"Don't ask. I'm always good at this."

"Be happy I'm even doing this," Seungmin added. "You should do it for yourself."

Hyunjin became silent. Seungmin grinned softly at that and started looking through the cabinets again, pulling out one blue bowl and one red bowl. He decided to gave the red one to Hyunjin, pulling the now cooked noodles further onto the stove. "Take it yourself." he said, bringing the bowl to Hyunjin and turned around, not even noticing Hyunjin's small smile, as he went up the stairs and into his bedroom, sitting down on the bed with a smile of his own because really – who wouldn't?

One day turned into three when Hyunjin groaned and Seungmin looked up from the fireplace that he was about to light up, looking at the sick man that was laying on his couch with a red and runny nose, white tissues scattered all over the floor. Seungmin rolled his eyes and decided to leave him just to put a warm water on to the container and a towel. He twisted the towel and walked closer to Hyunjin. He kneels beside him and decided to wipe his skin, particularly his face. Hyunjin is the worst when it comes for being sick. It took weeks for him to feel okay, he knows it since they were younger. And he can't believe that the history is repeating itself.

-

Nothing special happen for the next week. Hyunjin going out to make sure that they could have supplies of food, Seungmin just sitting in his bedroom or on the couch, when Hyunjin told him that he would be gone for the whole day, Seungmin immediately getting the idea of running away but discarded it when he remembered that they were in the middle of a forest and that there was nothing but fields behind the trees. So when Seungmin stood by the door and watched Hyunjin get dressed in the jacket that Seungmin usually wore, he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He can't find his phone, as well as Hyunjin's, maybe he forgotten them before he decided to go here. There's a mini TV on to the living room but he didn't know how it worked. He couldn't find the remote though.

About two hours after Hyunjin had left Seungmin started to walk around the house and go through all the boxes in the storage, almost exploding of happiness when he found an old guitar, hurrying down the stairs and sat down on the middle of the floor, pouring out all of his emotions as he started to tune the guitar. The guitar was not that yet broken, it was just old, Seungmin sitting there for many hours as he tried to sing with all of his heart with the guitar.

He got tired of boredom around 9 in the evening, just deciding to sleep on the couch for today. The guitar was placed on the floor when he collapsed onto the cushions and crawled under Hyunjin's couch, his whole head just burying in the pillow. He fell asleep deep in the matter of minutes and didn't notice when the door opened and Hyunjin came in again with a plastic full of fruits and vegetables and everything, putting it in the fourth kitchen drawer before he went to the couch to fall asleep. He stopped when he saw the guitar and Seungmin sleeping on his couch, his lips curling upwards for a second as he watched him and shook his head. He quietly leaned down in front of Seungmin and gently brushed some hair away from his forehead, Seungmin breathing out against his fingers. Hyunjin slid his arms around Seungmin's body and lifted him up, the two of them going up the stairs slowly but surely, Hyunjin crawling onto the bed so he could set Seungmin down more carefully, making sure that he was wrapped up in blankets before he exited, the final glance telling him that maybe, just maybe, this didn't really go as he planned either.

-

Seungmin was actually awoken one night by a knock on the window, groaning loudly. He hated waking up by someone disturbing him. It was annoying. When he was a child, it was okay to woke by Hyunjin in the middle of the night just to played along with their wild imaginations, but that was during their younger years only, some things really change as time passes by.

He even pretended to be asleep for a good five minutes until the knocking became louder and he turned, glaring at the window with his sleepy eyes. But his eyes soon adjusted and he saw the smiling face of Hyunjin outside of it, sitting up with a mutter. Hyunjin beamed and waved him to come over, Seungmin cursed and stared at him. "It's cold." he mouthed and Hyunjin laughed softly, shaking his head. He pointed at the closet and Seungmin cursed for the second time, waving him away before he crawled over. He only pulled on a sweater, eyeglasses and sweatpants, and a pair of socks of course. After that he just fumbled over to the window and opened it, staring at Hyunjin with his pouty lips.

"Jesus Christ Hyunjin, what do you want?" he spat. "Can't you see I was sleeping?"

Hyunjin, who was sitting by the side of the window, leaned down, continuing to smile. Seungmin actually kept his eyes on him until the taller nodded out to nothing and Seungmin turned, jaw immediately falling open. Green and dark pink covered the sky in large waves of beautiful colors, the pitch black sky behind it making such a wonderful contrast to the northern lights that Seungmin barely could believe it. He had to tear his eyes away when he got a small pat to his shoulder, looking at Hyunjin again. He had yet to stop smiling and reached out a hand, Seungmin eyebrows furrowing. "There's a better view from the roof." he said and Seungmin got excited, but obviously hid it, just letting Hyunjin take his hand with a fake groan.

"I'm cleaning the snow here since spring's kinda coming, the snow will bid goodbye to us now." Hyunjin explained.

Seungmin suddenly ran out of words. But he didn't really think of it since he was already halfway out of the window and stumbled onto the roof in front of him, Hyunjin's hand tightening on his own. Seungmin should not allow Hyunjin to help him and hold him like this, but he would rather have him do that than fall down. Seungmin shivered when he started climbing up the emergency ladder in front of Hyunjin, blinking a little when he spotted the pastel blanket that was set out on the snowy roof. There were footsteps all over the white snow that was shifting in all sorts of different colors by now.

"Sit down," Hyunjin said and Seungmin glanced at him, Hyunjin raising his eyebrows. "Come on, Pup."

Seungmin decided that that was a pretty good deal and carefully made his way over, sitting down with a small sigh. He watched as Hyunjin did the same, their knees had a contact. He pulled his knees to his chest with his arms being crossed on top of them, looking up at the color explosions too, just like Hyunjin. Seungmin didn't really find it necessary to talk at all. He wanted to just watch, and he found this exciting since he had never seen something like this before.

"You have never seen this before, right?" Hyunjin asked quietly after what felt like literal hours, Seungmin turning to him before he shook his head.

"No, never," he replied. "I've been too busy to appreciate such things like this."

Hyunjin chuckled. "Too busy to study right? As expected from the studious boy."

Hyunjin smiled and leaned back on his hands, Seungmin smiled a little, almost forgetting all of his problems. It was really warm, actually. It felt nice. Hyunjin turned to him, giving him a genuine beam.

"... Happy 16th years of friendship, Seungmin."

Seungmin smile instantly fell, replacing it a shock look. He didn't even want to know how he remembered that it was their anniversary to be honest. He figured that he had forgotten since he got so surprised. "You remembered."

"Well, yeah," Hyunjin chuckled and ran a hand through his locks. He then looked at Seungmin again. "…How would I forget when I was the first one who approached you at your house when we were a child?"

"…Yeah." Seungmin mumbled, almost fainting of relief when he realized that Hyunjin couldn't see how his cheeks flushed in bright red and pink. The older's lips curled a little and he crossed his arms once again.

The pink and green had gone over to yellow and orange and red by now and Seungmin's breath caught in his throat, knowing how his lips were slightly parted and his small eyes wide. It was wonderful, he thought, how nature behaved. Before he had gotten here he had never really noticed how it looked like when the leaves fell off the trees during fall, how the sun reflected in the water during summer and how pretty it looked when snow fell like drizzle during winter. He had been blinded by the Cheongju streetlights. It was kind of sad, that he had missed out on something so beautiful. He wouldn't mind to see it more. He would have taken pictures if he had a camera. Hyunjin didn't brought the camera, at least he thought so.

"Hyunjin," he said then, the taller one turning to him. "Please tell me why are we here."

Hyunjin looked at him and Seungmin found himself not wanting to look away, his fingers tightening on the hem of his shirt. He blamed the lights that his eyes looked especially green tonight. He wouldn't admit anything else. "…I was born in this place," he said and Seungmin swallowed, almost regretting it. Maybe he didn't want to find out, after all. "I had no siblings, I'm the only child of my parents."

Seungmin hummed, yet decided to not say anything despite knowing that story already. "I was more happy with my grandmother, she was the one who had able to make me smile, treating me like a real son. I wasn't really that happy with my parents. They didn't have a good communication with me, and each other. The day I have gave you the cake, it was all fake. My mother's a fake, everything that she'd been showing to others was just fake." Hyunjin continued with a small smile, resting his lips to his forearms when he had propped them up on his knees once again. "We moved to Samseong-dong after my dad got a job there, and I started school with you. I had a small group of friends and I got my crushes and everyone could say that I had a pretty good life. You know that, you had witnessed everything, but the truth is that it _wasn't_."

Seungmin decided to be quiet, not wanting to interrupt, just wanting Hyunjin to just talk and talk.

"My grandma died," Hyunjin breathed. Seungmin would lie if he said that he didn't see how he tensed up and how his fingers suddenly got oddly fiddly. "And my mom blamed it on me."

"Why?" Seungmin whispered. He didn't like where this was going.

"I don't know," Hyunjin laughed sadly and tried to smile a little, Seungmin seeing how his eyes got glassy. Hyunjin looked away again, looking at the view in front of them. He was quiet for many seconds, and then sighed. "My father didn't even defended me. He didn't care at all. All he ever did was just to work and work and work."

"You didn't do something, did you?"

"Of course not," Hyunjin answered, frowning. "Stop thinking of me like that."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin mumbled sincerely, Hyunjin just shook his head.

"She… She died in a car accident when she was buying ingredients. Mom got really depressed and all she ever do was to fought with Dad, like I wasn't even existing there. She didn't gave me the attention that I needed when I was a child. That's why I started to find that attention, and then I found it with _you_."

That was maybe the reason why he didn't want to let go of him. _Now he knew._

"Weren't you lonely with me?" Seungmin wondered quietly. Because as far as he knew, he was just a silent guy who could be easily found by others boring. He wondered if he had also felt the same way.

"I wasn't, at all." Hyunjin confirmed and looked at Seungmin again with a smile so sad it made Seungmin tear up himself. He remembered how he had complained so many times Hyunjin being flighty with him through his last year of being a college student and he felt guilty because of it. Hyunjin didn't deserve any of that. None at all. "In fact I would really love to be with you always. That's why I brought you here with me."

Seungmin looked away when he decided to looked down at their feet, shaking a little inside of Hyunjin's shirt. He had gotten taken away just because Hyunjin didn't want to be alone. He felt sick again. He felt sad too, sad because someone like Hyunjin had been thrown out by his own mother. Why on earth didn't he know this? They've been through ups and downs for the past 16 years, yet he wasn't aware of what his best friend had been going through. He should have been more approachable to him before.

"You don't deserve it, Hyunj," he said and turned to him again, watching how Hyunjin wiped his own cheeks. He looked sick, Seungmin noted and he decided that from now on – he was going to be nice. So nice that Hyunjin could forget about all of that, even he did something wrong to him. Hyunjin might felt bad for doing _that_ to him, playing it up like this, but he'll never, ever forget. He could forgive, but couldn't forget. Maybe… Maybe he could go home and could still pursue his dreams, if they were both nice enough.

"Why not?" Hyunjin muttered, looking at Seungmin. "Why don't I deserve it?"

"Because you did nothing wrong to them." Seungmin said truthfully. 

"But I've hurt other people. I've hurt _you_."

"They don't matter anymore, Hyunjin," Seungmin sighed. "Everyone could be hurt at some point, at some different situations."

Hyunjin sighed too and Seungmin wondered if he had made him feel better, but when the older boy looked up at him with the same sad expression as before he had to throw that thought to the side. "Why did she do it, Seungmin?" Hyunjin whispered, his wet cheeks changing colors in the light from the sky. "Why did she just _leave_ me out like that?"

"I don't know," Seungmin whispered. "But she loves you, Hyunjin. You're her son. Every mother can't hate their own son. You deserve every single bit of love that you get."

Hyunjin watched the younger, and Seungmin smiled a little as a response, knowing that it wasn't a happy one. He just wished that it wasn't sadder than Hyunjin's, because that was the last thing they both needed.

"People like me don't deserve to be loved," Hyunjin said and Seungmin almost broke apart, knowing that just with that single sentence, he was _lost_. In Hyunjin, in his ridiculous imaginations that he wanted to happen, how his voice getting loud every time he felt irritated and how his eyes squinted when he smiled. His thin hands and mile-long legs and how he had treated him when they were still okay before, how he had given him food every day and how he had been so nice even though Seungmin had treated him like shit for these past months.

They were quiet, the stars and the moon and the lights throwing a beautiful canvas of colors over Hyunjin's narrows features. Seungmin watched him, fingertips ever so lightly tugging and twisting on his shirt. This shouldn't happen. He should hate him and curse at him and he was supposed to run away as far as he could and slap him and kick him – but he couldn't. Not anymore, finding reason for his behavior and how he only wanted someone with him, and Seungmin found himself parting his lips and lean just a little closer, Hyunjin staying in the exact same position, his hot breath hitting Seungmin's cheek and chin as he watched him.

"Can I kiss you?" Seungmin asked, not seconds have passed when Hyunjin did without speaking as a response, their lips collided, kissing away their problems like that.

-

He didn't expected that one day, he would realize that all he had wanted than anything else was Seungmin's _attention_ and _approval._

They were just an unlikely pair before. Seungmin has a cute, black hair, tall for his age, and had that devastating cute, innocent stare that surely melted all the adults and scared all the other kids. He wasn't scared though, it actually _fascinated_ him. He could be friends with anyone he wanted but it turns out that he was shy as he tried to approach him when they were six. The first time he had met him, he tried so desperately hard just to be noticed.

He did noticed by him though. Unexpectedly, they became _best_ of best friends. Despite the both of them having different personalities, they automatically _clicked_ , they automatically fit on to each other just like those puzzles that he gladly played when he was young.

Hyunjin had wanted to get to know him more than anyone. Because whenever Seungmin would make him smile whenever he feels sad, complimented his dancing, or the way he moved on stage, or even offered a kind look his way, Hyunjin's world lit up. The type of light that could revive withering flowers, turn deserts into oceans, turn life into _life_. For years, he _craved_ it.

They grew up together. Dived through heaven and hell together. And went on to conquer the world together.

Even in this chaotic life of his, Hyunjin still craved Seungmin's approval above all else. The boy would glance towards him after a performance that he would done and that proud nod or wink of approval made him want to be a better person. Just to feel that light enter him. To see those puppy eyes sparkle, knowing that it was because of him. Nothing in the world felt better than that.

He could still remember though when they were 11, Seungmin had to get glasses. He could still remember how he whined endlessly to his parents, saying "I don't want to wear glasses, those are _so_ lame!" but it's only him who truly listened and understood him. "Jinnie, everyone's gonna be calling me a geek burger!"

"Show me, Seungmin."

When Seungmin put them on, Hyunjin remained silent, not because he doesn't want to make him feel worse and make him feel how lame he totally looked.

But the next day, when they both went to their school, Hyunjin decided to wear glasses too. He had removed the lenses from a pair of his father's old yellow gold wire-framed ones and they looked even more terrible than Seungmin's ones, because they sloped down Hyunjin's nose all wrong.

He could see how touched Seungmin was by his best friend not letting him look lame alone, that he sniffled all the way to school, while Hyunjin laughed with a "God, Seungminnie, you're _such_ a baby."

But deep inside, he felt prideful and happy that he had made his friend glad and cried like that.

Also, the night he discovered that his parents got separated, his world crashed, he suddenly forgot how to breath as he surrendered his inner, deeper feelings to Seungmin. He was the only person that was there beside him at that time, and no one else. He didn't leave him at all cost. He had used to be the stronger boy between them, but then, there he was, crying all of his weaknesses out to his best friend.

It's just he doesn't know what to do that time, all through out his life, he never felt the love that he needed from his mother, even from his father. His mind was totally in complete mess.

"Crazy, huh?" Seungmin crooned after Hyunjin got recovered from his crying moment, his eyes looking up at the ceiling of their shared dorm.

"So crazy," Hyunjin agreed. "Do you think it'll last?”

Seungmin turned towards him, the moonlight washing a white glow over his angelic face, deep eyes connecting clearly with his. It was artwork. Hyunjin swallowed hard. "I _know_ it'll last, _we_ will going last. Are you worried?" Seungmin asked, knowing what Hyunjin was referring to their friendship.

Hyunjin hitched a shoulder and told himself to not break the gaze. "Maybe just… overwhelmed a little. Confused. Scared. I actually don't know what to feel anymore."

Seungmin hummed a reply and ran a supportive hand up and down his arm. He wanted to grab the hand and hold it close to his chest. "It'll be fine. We'll be fine. I won't let anything happen to _us_."

He knew he was talking about their friendship, but a shy corner of his heart wished that the 'us' meant himself and this gorgeous boy smiling at him and comforting him _forever_. He had felt like this before, through the years, whenever Seungmin was near him and spreading a minty scent, whenever Seungmin put his arm around his shoulder and buddied it up, whenever Seungmin beamed at him. A confusing little flutter in his heart that felt like summer sunshine, which he had no idea how to label since they were younger.

But that night, Hyunjin realised he _admire_ Seungmin. He labelled it for the first time in the darkest shadow underneath layers of skin. Crush. Crush. It was crush. And it had been for God knows how many years before he admitted it right there, looking into twinkling dark orbs that held his entire world and more.

Seungmin had fallen asleep first, and Hyunjin had spent the entire night awake, admiring the way Seungmin's eyes crooked perfectly into a strong nose. The way his divine lips curved and flattened. The way his eyelids softly shifted when Hyunjin reached out to stroke away his fringe, murmuring like a tired puppy and chaining Hyunjin's heart like that. He had wanted to memorize every curve and edge of the face in front of him as he swam in the idea of 'us'.

Yeah. It was admiration.

It took Hyunjin far too long to realise that. But announcing it to his best friend; that was a whole other can of worms that he was yet afraid to open. He'll not gonna let that happen for now. Or maybe, he'll let that set aside. It was just a simple _crush_ after all.

While Hyunjin always had plenty of people encouraging him to pursue his dream, he knows his dancing career wouldn't have taken off as quickly as it had, had it not been for Seungmin's approval.

Hyunjin, as a not-so-smart student, didn't have a lot of opportunities knocking at his door, but when it _did_ , it was Seungmin, offering to be with him at a famous university.

He never really knew if it'd been their friendship that made Hyunjin take a chance on him, but he'll always be eternally grateful for everything Seungmin did, keeps doing for him. 

That time, he wishes and hopes that everything would still be the same until the end. He'll gonna _trust_ Seungmin for this. 

He promised himself he wasn't going to do anything about his feelings for Seungmin, many years on, when Seungmin place in his heart was overtaking every single curve and beyond, yet he… did something about it. And that means by trying to focus on to some girls after reflecting that he shouldn't feel those way to his favourite person, to his best friend.

At the second year of their college years, Seungmin was flicking boredly through a car mag - he never really got hooked on cars the way did - when Hyunjin set his eyes on him, shooting laser beams into the back of his head after getting one magazine from his treasured cabinet.

"Seungs, man, you know who I think's a total babe?"

"Who?"

"This!" Hyunjin showed to Seungmin the cover magazine of a girl naked.

"Hwang Hyunjin!"

Hyunjin smirked. He was excellent at finding such magazine those days. Nothing malicious, just happy.

"It'll be such a waste if you're just reading nonsense. Why don't you try this? Men really do like these shits–" he stated while flipping the pages right in front of Seungmin's innocent eyes.

"Oh God! Ah seriously, Hyunjin, you're such a pig!" Seungmin clocked Hyunjin right in the stomach, shutting him up real nice. He fell on top of him, shrieking, and they tried strangling each other in nothing but their boxer shirts, roaring in laughter.

Other than that, Hyunjin was able to find a girlfriend in college, Seungmin's seemed supporting, as always. 

But it seems like when the time he got a girlfriend and a group of friends, his best friend had became distant at him which he truly didn't understand _why_.

He let Seungmin do whatever he wants though, but sometimes, he just can't afford spending his time without his friend, making him join Seungmin in everywhere he goes. That sometimes turned into always, as he _forced_ his best friend to go with him, to be with him everywhere he goes, just like those childish years, even though he can notice that he's not enjoying anymore.

He just wanted the both of them to be happy, and to be with each other, living the life to fullest, is it too much to ask?

That makes him upset, he just didn't show it to Seungmin but he started getting easily upset those days. He began having dangerous group of friends. He began drinking and doing such illegal activities. It reached to the point that his friends wanted to recruit him for drug dealing, but it scared the shit out of him that he ended avoided them all.

There was a time when their graduation is getting nearer, he's having financial problems since his father kinda extending him only small amounts of money, and it's not enough to pay all of his expenses. His problem added though when Seungmin confronted him that he'll gonna pursue his dreams at the States.

He feels like bursting that time, he feels his head breaking as he punched the shit out of Seungmin's bed after their intense confrontation. He just can't fucking believe he'll gonna ditch him after all that they have been through. If it wasn't for the letter that he had seen, maybe, just maybe, his life will be in complete chaos.

He _promised_ him, Seungmin fuckin' promised him that it will gonna be the two of them until the end.

_Promise really do meant to be broken, and so **his** heart._

_Everyone could leave him, but **not** Seungmin_.

_He's all that **he** wants, not his girlfriend nor the gangs_.

_He had found the home on **him** that he hadn't experience to his family before. _

_Seungmin's his home. And he don't want to take his home **away**_ **.**

These thoughts scrambled on his mind, creating one Goddamn conclusion: All these time, he hadn't realize that it was _Seungmin_ who he has been craving for, not his approval or anything, but just _him_.

By that, he decided to join the evil group of the alumnus from his dance department. They needed only one member to complete their group. And Hyunjin filled that.

He began doing illegal activities every nights, drug dealings, alcohol drinking, drug using. The actual picking up of the drugs wasn't the best part, but it was all part of the job. JB would call them to his headquarters and tell them when and where the next shipment would be waiting for them. It became a habit of his every night, along with the watching of his best friend sleeping every night at the dorm, asking him what'll gonna do without him? He's kinda talking to sleeping Seungmin every night, making him feel crazy but he didn't care anymore. Seungmin did this to him. He's the reason behind all of this. He's the one that should be given a lesson. 

And there, he did rape his best friend at the end. Everything was all planned, from the organizing of the party, from the drugs. Everything. The warm cleanse deep in his soul, the mammalian instinct of complete surrender, compassion and safety and acceptance that he used to be so afraid of. Ironically, Seungmin was the one who made him so afraid of it, yet so determined. Seungmin was the one who allowed it to wear a cloak of disgust and the same time the one to hold his hand through piles of dirt without him even knowing. And in this moment, Hyunjin thought there wasn't anything that he couldn't do if it was for this best friend of his, even if sacrificing his future. What matters is that Seungmin is with him until the end. That would definitely be his ideal type of future.

That would be the only way he get to not let Seungmin leave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be updated maybe tomorrow or the other next day! ><
> 
> twt: @strayeffects


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warning: physical abuse & smut.

Seungmin smiled a little when he felt the fresh air beneath his skin once again, glancing up at Hyunjin who was riding a bike. According to Hyunjin, Seungmin needed a real friendsary present since he never got one the day before, so taking him out for a ride was apparently the best thing he could come up with. Not that Seungmin necessarily minded since he had grown quite attached to bicycles, they actually both did, and riding bike was something that he enjoyed doing. Hyunjin had seemed excited when he had asked too, and since he didn't get an actual friendsary present either, Seungmin wanted to do at least something, and if this was what Hyunjin wanted, then so be it.

"Jesus Christ Hyunj, wait for me!" Seungmin shouted at him and Hyunjin turned around in the distance, grinning a little. Seungmin then started biking fast with his feet, locking his eyes on Hyunjin with a small smile. The weather's slowly getting warm since the spring was coming. Seungmin slowed down when he reached Hyunjin's side. "Slow down, I can't keep up with you."

"Sorry, Pup." Hyunjin laughed then and Seungmin chuckled. As expected from Hwang Hyunjin, no one could stop him every time he feels excited.

After the two of them had kissed the day before, none of them talked about it. But they could say that it showed. He didn't fought Hyunjin about having huge distance to each other. Seungmin didn't became grumpy anymore. They hadn't had their fourth kiss either, and for some reason Seungmin didn't really expect it to happen.

"You know what, it's been a long time since we made a snowman." Hyunjin said then when he tried to ride slowly, knowing that Seungmin was right beside him. "But sadly, spring is coming. We should do that next time."

"Really? You're actually still up for it?" Seungmin chuckled and turned to Hyunjin who was smiling at him, his head slightly tilted forward.

"Well, why not?" he shrugged. "It's not like we will do something wrong."

"Do something wrong?" Seungmin wondered. "You worried for that? But you're _reckless_ as far as I knew."

"Aren't you worry that you could do something wrong?" the older boy asked with a laugh, leaning back on his ride. Seungmin shook his head.

"No," he answered. "I'm not afraid if I were able to make something wrong, as long as I'll get a lesson from that."

"What are you afraid, then?"

Seungmin swallowed then and tore his eyes away from the other one. Hyunjin didn't stop looking at him even though he could, nibbling on his bottom lip. Seungmin didn't tell him off, something that he didn't have a legitimate reason for. 

"Oh! I already remember. You were afraid of cockroaches."

Seungmin sighed. "Right, cockroaches."

"Remember at the dorm though, you would scream the shit out of my name every time there's a cockroach on the wall or somewhere." Both of them chuckled.

"Ahh seriously, you don't have to remind me that." 

"Weren't you afraid when I almost hit you?" Hyunjin suddenly asked. "I could have done it."

Seungmin bit his lip. "A little," he shrugged. "You didn't hit me though." He let out an heavy sigh, suddenly remembering how he had abused him. _Stop being a weakshit, Seungmin. Stop it._

"Seungmin, I would never hurt you again, alright?" Hyunjin said with full of concern and reached out, patting Seungmin's shoulder. He looked up at him with a small frown, his puppy eyes piercing into Hyunjin's.

"Well, I don't want you to abuse me again though." Seungmin mumbled.

"I won't, as long as you stay good." Hyunjin laughed, Seungmin stopped breathing for a second. "Just kidding, Seungs. If I feel myself getting angry I'll try to calm down as fast as possible, alright?"

"Better than nothing." Seungmin shrugged and lead the path with Hyunjin after him.

-

"Do you still want to receive some gift?" Seungmin asked and Hyunjin laughed and raised his eyebrows.

"It's okay, man." he smiled. "You don't have to give me one."

"Well, you gave me a friendsary present, so I want to be nice and show you how it should be."

Hyunjin chuckled. "I don't really know what else to receive though."

"You can have anything that I can offer." Seungmin stated with such determination.

Hyunjin jutted his bottom lip out then and looked up to the ceiling, setting his finished plate off to the side. Seungmin watched him. He actually had no idea what the hell he would give, he stopped on thinking though when he sees him smiling at Seungmin _playfully_.

"How about.... kisses?" Hyunjin suggested before biting his lower lip, and Seungmin felt his cheeks heated, making him look away. "Or... Food. That's all good basically." _Fuck you Hwang. Fuck you straight right to your bone marrow._

"I got two options I see," the younger one laughed nervously and looked at Hyunjin again, just smiling at him for a moment. "What do you want then? Except for foods." he asked, obviously not wanting to mention the 'k' word.

"Kisses." Hyunjin repeated and smiled. Seungmin rolled his eyes then.

"Listen Hwang, that kiss wasn't… Well, you know," he said and ran a hand through his hair, looking up at him rather awkwardly. "Don't… get ahead of yourself."

"I won't," Hyunjin smiled at him, almost flirty. "I just want a kiss."

"You won't get one," Seungmin said. "I don't… I thought you were straight though."

"I'm not straight, Seungmin." Wait, _what?_ "Guess what, it's a prank." Hyunjin chuckled.

"That's not nice." Seungmin chuckled lowly. All this time, he thought to himself that his best friend was _straight_. Oh God, he didn't knew how to handle the information that he got. 

"I'm sorry." Hyunjin pouted and bit his lip. Seungmin fell silent for a while, his eyes locked on the fireplace and Hyunjin leaned forward a little to see if he was dead or something, but then he was wearing the small smile that he had on his lips.

"You could still kiss me you know," Hyunjin whispered as he watched Seungmin. "There's nothing wrong with kissing a _friend_."

"I think you're in denial," Seungmin laughed and shook his head, rubbing his eyes for a moment. "You don't necessarily have to be gay, but you sure have something for me if you really want it _Babe_."

Seungmin froze. Hyunjin seemed to do the same thing, both of them staring at each other. Hyunjin stared at him with his shock look, but soon he let out a small chuckle, and then another one, Seungmin flushing in a very, very _deep_ red. "Babe?" Hyunjin laughed. "You have a thing on me, do you?"

"Shut up, fucker." Seungmin muttered and shoved Hyunjin's chest, the older just laughing harder.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he smiled and wiped his eyes, looking up at the younger again. He tilted his head. "Not even a peck?"

Seungmin sighed then and shook his head, standing up again. "No," he simply said and started going up the stairs, stopping about midway and looked at Hyunjin. He was still smiling with his elbows propped upon the back of the sofa, that one stupid grin on his face. "Not interested on kissing you, not even interested on you."

"You are for me."

"Am not."

"You are," Hyunjin insisted. "You just haven't realized it yet."

"What will you do if I never will?"

"You will," Hyunjin stared up at him with such determination. "I hope so, at least."

Seungmin knew how much he loved his best friend, but that was before. He didn't even know if he could still love him after what happened. He still do care for him, that's for sure, but the love that he had before, he guess it wasn't that much anymore.

-

It was the last week of May when Hyunjin told Seungmin that he wanted to show something very special to him. Seungmin had blinked where his elbow was on the window sill in his bedroom while his best friend appeared in the doorway, a large grin on his lips. His cheeks were a little rosy and his hands were pale, and Seungmin noticed, yet acted like he didn't know what was going on even though he had seen him run in and out from the ground many times.

"What are we going to do now?" Seungmin had asked with a tilt of his head, sliding down on the floor and stayed there, leaning back against the sill. Hyunjin had laughed and gone over to him, fingers wrapping around his wrist and started pulling him out the room. Seungmin had simply stumbled after him and cooperated when he told the younger to pull on a pair of shoes. That's how they ended up here, Seungmin gaping in the storage room that was a few meters next to the living room. He started to walk around after noticing the pictures of them displaying on the wall when they were young. He started to inspect the pictures one by one, slowly reminding him of their memories he had with Hyunjin. The first time they had enter the same school, the time when he wore eyeglasses and Hyunjin did the same too, the time when Hyunjin would usually prank him to sleep, the time when they graduated at elementary, _everything._ There were also christmas lights displaying on the ceiling of the room. He turned to Hyunjin who was busy working with the disco light that he got from a box near them. "What are these, Hyunj?" Seungmin breathed out "What's with the pictures?" 

"Memories of us, of course." Hyunjin chuckled. "You told me before how much you like to treasure each memories you had on your life. So why wouldn't I show you every pictures I've got with you?" Seungmin walked across the floor, sitting down next to where Hyunjin standing with a small huff. 

Seungmin rested his cheek on his hand as he started to look around the fairly small room, inspecting the photographs and drawings that were placed all over the walls. All of the drawings were signed by Hyunjin himself, some better than others. "How come you never told me of this place?"

"You never asked."

"Yet you're taking me here."

"Shouldn't I be?"

"I didn't exactly ask to come here." he chuckled and turned, shifting on the wooden floor so he was sitting on his knees instead, the hem of his oversize shirt folding against the floor. "So I assume that I'm here for a reason?"

Hyunjin laughed then, shrugging a little as his fingertips ran through his locks that were on the front of his forehead. "I wouldn't do all the efforts if there's no reason." he said. "You're here because I wanted you to show something very special to me, and also because I just wanted to do something nice."

Seungmin looked away from him and up on the walls again, lips parted slightly when he looked over the drawings. Most of them were flowers drawn in oil pastels, but then there were some pictures that looked really realistic. Horses and trees, mostly, but a few other animals too, like squirrels and owls drawn in colored pencils. Hyunjin is indeed an artist. 

While Hyunjin was busy doing some stuffs, Seungmin crawled over to a wooden box that he had noticed and opened it. He blinked when he saw the paint jars and brushes in front of him.

"Paint?" Seungmin asked and Hyunjin hummed, Seungmin taking one of the brushes and started opening all of the jars and the tubes.

"Yeah." he smiled. "Let's paint together."

"But there's no paper." Seungmin stated, looking around for papers. Hyunjin only chuckled.

"The walls, the floor and the ceiling," he said. "Let's paint on those."

"But the walls were painted beautifully."

"It's not like you can't remove them," Hyunjin laughed. "C'mon, Babe. Draw with me."

"Babe?"

"You called me Babe before. So why won't I?"

"Listen, I didn't mean to say that–"

Hyunjin laughed. "Fine fine. Let us just draw then."

Seungmin sighed, his head moving up and down in a small nod. "Okay." he said and shrugged his shoulders, glancing up when Hyunjin started to remove all of the papers from the wall. Seungmin himself felt like he didn't really have the right to say that he should let them stay there, but when Hyunjin started to just throw them into a corner he had to bite his tongue just so he wouldn't say anything. He reached for the blue jar and a red tube, looking around for something that he could pour it on. When he didn't find anything he just poured some on the floor and stirred his brush around in it, adding just a little white until he was satisfied with the purple shade he got. He breathed out and started searching for a spot on the wall that he could paint on. He then just began. He probably didn't talk for an hour or two, cursing when the colors didn't mix together like he wanted them too. Flowers and crappy cars soon covered his corner of the wall and he turned around, glancing at Hyunjin that sat behind him. He was drawing on the wall that was on the opposite of Seungmin's, blue skies and green grass covering about half the wall. Seungmin swallowed and blushed lightly; looking at his cars and flowers again and the house that looks like they made by an elementary student. He sighed softly.

The music started to play from a radio. Girls Girls Girls were basically playing from it. "Oh God, I missed this song!" Hyunjin exclaimed.

"We really do love that song, remember, when we were fifteen? That was basically our jam before." Seungmin stated.

"Yup."

Seungmin turned around, his fingers tightened on his now dirty brush that was completely covered in color, looking over Hyunjin's painting. He was smiling where he sat and looked over it himself, leaning forward and adjusted something that Seungmin couldn't see what it was. Hyunjin made a thin line over it, and apparently he was happy with it after that. Why did he had to look over Hyunjin's drawing, when he could even just look at Hyunjin's smile. It was the best masterpiece though.

_Wait, did he just think that Hyunjin's smile was beautiful? Oh God Seungs, what the fuck is happening with him?_

"Are you doing good?" Hyunjin asked then and Seungmin flinched, immediately throwing himself over his drawings.

"Why did you only use the corner of the wall though?" he laughed. "You could have used it all if you wanted."

"I didn't know what I was going to draw," Seungmin mumbled. "I can't think of anything I would like to draw. I guess I need an inspiration." 

"Well, I think it's more fun to paint landscapes than cars and flowers," he smiled and Seungmin looked away, moving away from his wall. It was no point in hiding it if Hyunjin already had seen it. "Even though they're pretty. You're doing good."

"Stop being sarcastic, fucker." Seungmin muttered. Hyunjin laughed and walked over, leaning forwards to watch Seungmin's small drawings more closely. Seungmin crossed his arms as he faced the wall and stared at it too. Hyunjin was smiling and brushed his fingertips along the paint, making it smudge just a little. 

"Oh no, you're destroying my masterpiece." Seungmin half joked, it was his turn now to be sarcastic.

"Sorry, not sorry." Hyunjin laughed and wiped the paint on his shirt. Seungmin watched as Hyunjin tried to add another drawing on his work. It looked like two stick men holding hands. He watched his best friend's drawing. It would be a lie if Seungmin would say that he didn't imagine him and Hyunjin living together forever. He had it surprisingly good whenever he's with Hyunjin. He got free food and no rent here. It was quiet and it had beautiful scenery. It's not exactly like Seungmin could complain. 

"Cute." Seungmin snorted and playfully rolled his eyes at Hyunjin's drawing, decided to sit as his knees being pulled to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He rested his back on the awe as he asked "Hey, Hyunj, are you not planning on going back at Samseongdong?"

"I don't know. I feel not coming back there."

Seungmin nodded and quietly ran his thumb along his lips, looking at everything but Hyunjin. The older boy seemed to notice. "Why? Are you considering staying with me here?"

"In your dreams, dude." Seungmin mumbled and rested his forehead to his forearms, glaring down at the wooden floor. He wasn't, was he? No. He had a life back in his birthplace, he needed to continue pursuing what he want there. His parents kinda expecting him to be successful. So he should be.

"You sure you don't want to? I wouldn't mind if you want to stay with me for like, forever."

"You're creepy." Seungmin muttered, Hyunjin just chuckled.

It took hours for Hyunjin to finish the drawing and for Seungmin to watched his best friend's every little move. His eyes was about to shut close when he felt a wet thing smudging his cheek. That's when he opened his eyes and sees Hyunjin laughed; rolling his eyes with a smile that Seungmin knew was rather genuine. That's one of the reason why Seungmin had fallen into him, his genuine smile that could light his world whenever he felt down. He stood up as he decided to chase the shit out of Hyunjin, just like their younger times. Yeah, just like the old times.

They began singing and dancing the night away when they could hear the party songs out from the radio, not minding the paints lingering onto their body. They did it like they were the only people in the world, not minding where they were, what time is it, and how long they've been doing everything. It was only the two of them, having their own world that matters.

Their own world had seemed to crash when a slow song from Day6 had played. It seems like everything around them had suddenly stopped as the two of them stared on to each other. Hyunjin just stopped and stood in front of Seungmin, unnecessarily close, Seungmin thought, but didn't exactly mind, the natural scent of Hyunjin filling him. He shivered, Hyunjin being so warm it was barely natural. He avoided his gaze, trying now to think of the warm breath that hit his shoulder or the sound of Hyunjin's breathing. He didn't really want to think of it. It wasn't right. Not for someone like him and Hyunjin.

"You know," Hyunjin said then after a while, still not moving an inch at his current standing position. "I quite glad having you here with me."

"That's good, isn't it?" Seungmin mumbled. "I would much rather have you love me being here than hate it."

Hyunjin laughed softly and bit his lip, shrugging when he turned to look at the other direction. "I don't think I could ever hate you being here with me," he said quietly. "And I don't mind at all if you want to stay."

Seungmin became silent as he tried to stop the fast beating of his heart. "Of all the times when were together, you were so nice. You've gotten nicer lately after I brought you here, I don't know why."

Seungmin shrugged then and looked down on his shirt, particularly Hyunjin's shirt, fingertips fidgeting on to the fabric. Seungmin, himself, knew the reason, obviously. But he didn't want to tell Hyunjin about it, knowing what could happen and what the consequences could be. Maybe he wouldn't be able to leave then either.

"I just think that you deserve a little more gratitude," he said and looked away, running a hand through his hair. "You've been through more than enough. You don't need another one hating you."

Hyunjin frowned then and leaned away, Seungmin turning to him in confusion. Did he say something wrong?

"Did I say something?" Seungmin wondered.

"Well, no, not exactly," Hyunjin mumbled and let out a sigh, fingers drumming on his biceps after he had put his hand on his other arm.

"Then what?" Seungmin leaned and he knew that he shouldn't, so when Hyunjin looked at him with a small frown he wasn't exactly surprised.

"Nothing," the older boy said and he smiled then, eyebrows raising a little. "It's just that that no one hates me. They just don't need me."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Not to me," Hyunjin smiled. "I don't want to think of myself as hated. No one does."

"I see. You don't have to worry about pleasing everyone." Seungmin whispered softly, wanting to comfort his best friend like that.

Hyunjin laughed softly. Seungmin looked up at him, nothing more than a decimeter or two away from each other. Seungmin blinked and his eyes flickered between Hyunjin's and he bit his lip, looking away just so he wouldn't do anything stupid. "But Isn't that good though?" Hyunjin smiled then, Seungmin frowning when he felt Hyunjin place a hand on his cheek and tilted his head up, making Seungmin look at him. Seungmin expected him to move his hand but he didn't and he parted his lips in wonder, Hyunjin smiling still. "Pleasing everyone so that they could made people happy?"

Seungmin swallowed. "If you only focus on other people then you will become unhappy yourself." he breathed and closed his eyes for only a second, hating the way that his hand moved to Hyunjin's chest, clutching his shirt right there.

"You get happy when you do good," Hyunjin said lowly, his other hand circling around Seungmin's waist and Seungmin felt like he needed to push him away but didn't, his breath quickening. "Right?"

"Uh, yeah," Seungmin blurted and he felt himself get pulled closer, his knuckles whitening in Hyunjin's shirt. He was pretty much shaking, Hyunjin's arm long and strong around him. He swallowed again, blushing lightly when Hyunjin buried his face in the crook of his jaw all of a sudden. "Hyunjin." he whispered, suddenly flushing in crimson. 

Hyunjin hummed and Seungmin breathed out rather harshly when he felt something soft against his jaw. He squirmed in Hyunjin's arms, but he held him still, Seungmin helplessly tugging and pulling on Hyunjin's shirt instead.

"It was always been you from the very start, do you know that Seungmin?" Hyunjin whispered, his hand sliding from his waist down to his hip instead. Seungmin buried his face on Hyunjin's shoulder, refusing to let Hyunjin see him like this. Never in a million years.

Hyunjin laughed and Seungmin felt how long and warm fingers wrapped around his chin and gently moved them up, the younger looking up at the other one that was closing the distance of their lower body. He was smiling and Seungmin knew that he couldn't expect anything else, so it wasn't even worth taking note of anymore. Seungmin's lips made a line when his hands got guided to Hyunjin's shoulders, Seungmin almost panicking. He didn't even know what they were doing anymore. They weren't… right? No. Of course not.

He got so lost into his own thoughts that he didn't notice Hyunjin leaned down again and pressed his lips tenderly to Seungmin's, pecking them slowly and repeatedly until he move away after a few seconds and went down again, Seungmin just wanting to sink through the ground and never come back again. He breathed out again when his bottom lip got slightly tugged on by Hyunjin and when he felt a hand on his upper body, just doing as Hyunjin wanted to touch so he could slide his hands under his shirt. Seungmin wondered if Hyunjin could hear his heartbeat. He sure could.

He moved his hands just a little, the two of them going to the back of Hyunjin's hair when Hyunjin pinned him on the wall gently and started kissing him again. His eyes fell shut and he knew he was giving in way too easily, arms going around Hyunjin's neck just to pull him closer. Hyunjin breathed out too, his hand suddenly sliding up Seungmin's sides and up his shirt, Seungmin shivering. He whined a little when Hyunjin pulled away and raised a little, looking down at him. Of course, Seungmin did the same, not knowing what else to do. Breathing quickly, he blinked, watching how Hyunjin's face and ear were slightly flushed and his eyes a lot darker than they usually were – lips being dark pink. Seungmin thought he was going to move for a moment, cold fingertips clenching on Hyunjin's shoulders, lips closing. But Hyunjin didn't, Seungmin feeling both relieved and frightened at the same time, looking down a little when he felt his stomach getting colder and colder, his shirt getting pulled up his chest. He blushed and looked away when Hyunjin leaned down and kissed him there too, lips brushing one of his nipples. He gasped and squirmed, trying to calm down when Hyunjin's fingers tightened on his sides, the younger boy looking up at the ceiling. This was embarrassing. Humiliating, even. Seungmin had promised himself that he would never have let Hyunjin do this to him again. But he was Hyunjin, his best friend, the love of his life for years. He immediately stopped thinking like that, his back arching off when a pair of teeth suddenly scraped his sensitive skin.

"Ahh, Hyunj." he breathed, eyes fluttered closed again when Hyunjin slid down his chest and stomach, trailing kisses all over him. Seungmin felt warm and tingly, fingers traveling into Hyunjin's hair again and tangled together with his locks. Soft hair stands embraced Seungmin's hands and he shuddered, feeling how he tugged lightly, making him come closer once again. Hyunjin didn't say anything, stopping right at Seungmin's hipbone and kissed it, Seungmin making an embarrassing sound. His back arched off again and he let go of Hyunjin, covering his face with his hand.

"Feeling ticklish, Babe?" Hyunjin chuckled lowly, Seungmin feeling a shiver going through him when he felt the small air puff of Hyunjin hitting his hipbone. Seungmin only nodded, biting down on his lip when he felt Hyunjin kissing his body again, his hands going up his chest. Seungmin had never, ever, been treated like this. He knew that the last time they did this was when Hyunjin had raped him, but today was different. Perhaps he felt _wanted_.

Seungmin blinked his eyes open when Hyunjin suddenly pulled away and stared down at Seungmin's stomach, Seungmin's eyebrows furrowing. He looked down at himself after he had propped himself up on his elbows, swallowing when he saw the small red marks at his hipbone. But that couldn't be what Hyunjin was staring at.

"Why did you stop?" he breathed, kind of regretting that he asked it right after. Hyunjin only continued to stare and Seungmin carefully pulled his shirt down again, covering his chest and stomach. He looked at Hyunjin, head slightly tilted. Hyunjin wasn't pale, so he wasn't sick, but he looked almost _scared_. 

"I can't do this," he said and finally straightened up, his eyes shaking out to nothing. "I can't do this, Seungmin."

Seungmin stared at him with his shock look. "What? What do you mean?"

Hyunjin shook his head and walked away from him, moving over to the door. Seungmin instantly stared at the awe and got to his knees, hands placing on the floor when he watched Hyunjin pull his shoes on. "Where are you going?" Seungmin whimpered but didn't get a response, flinching when the door slammed shut after the older boy. Seungmin sat back then and buried his face to his forearms and tried to ignore the semi hard erection in his pants.

He didn't knew why Hyunjin had suddenly left, but he knew one thing, a least. He had to get out of here, before he wouldn't be able to anymore.

-

Two days had passed when Seungmin planned on getting out of the house. His decision was final. He had to get out of here before things could go worse, before his _feelings_ could go worse.

Seungmin breath hitched when he heard the floor clacking outside his door, his head snapping to the side to look at Hyunjin in case he would walk in – which luckily he didn't.

"I'm going to bed, Pup. Good night." He said instead and Seungmin swallowed, nodding at the door even though Hyunjin wouldn't be able to see it.

"Good night." he breathed, trying his best to make his voice calm, his hands tightening on the shirt that he was folding into a bag he had found as quietly as he could. 

The heavy feeling had removed from his chest when Hyunjin's footsteps moved away and went down the stairs, Seungmin's hands shaking like crazy. He was afraid, knowing that it was late and dark outside and he didn't know the way out of here. Perhaps he could have picked a better time for this, but the protection of the dark felt like it was something that he could rely on. He had been waiting for the right time to escape, and he guess this was the right time.

He stood up when he felt like he was done fixing everything, taking Hyunjin's clothes and just shoved them into the bag. He threw it onto the bed, glancing out the window again. It was pretty much pitch black and Seungmin had been lucky that he had found a flashlight the day before in the storage. He sighed then and shook his head, the very thick sweater he had found hanging loosely around his body. His choice was to either go like this, or sneak down while Hyunjin was sleeping and steal his shoes and jacket. The latter seemed so much better, but if Hyunjin saw him he would figure out what he was doing within a second. But he had to try, so Seungmin tiptoed out from the room and sneak over to the stairs, leaning down and made sure that Hyunjin was on the couch at least. He was, so Seungmin started to walk down the stairs, as far to the side as he could so the steps wouldn't creak. His heart was racing in his chest and his fingers were still trembling, eyes pretty much staring holes into Hyunjin's body. He seemed to be sleeping, and Seungmin knew that Hyunjin was the one to fall asleep quickly, not exactly counting seconds until Hyunjin started snoring.

He took a shaky breath when he reached the floor, his bare feet being warm against the cold wood. He couldn't even breathe anymore, praying a billion prayers that Hyunjin wouldn't see him while he started moving towards the door, holding his breath the whole way and almost screamed out of joy when he got a hold of the two shoes and the plaid jacket, standing up again to return to his room. He felt a little bad to be honest, leaving his best friend like it was nothing without even saying good bye. He would have done it unless he knew that he wouldn't be stopped. He knew that Hyunjin would get disappointed and maybe even mad again like what happened before. Seungmin bit his lip as he glanced over at Hyunjin again, legs moving on their own when he tipped over. He still seemed to be sleeping, his chest raising and lowering at a steady pace. Seungmin smiled a little, hands tightening on the jacket and the shoes, wondering that if he left – would he get the answers he wanted to know? Why haven't his mom contacted him again? Why was Hyunjin so positive even though he had been through quite a lot? What did he feel for Seungmin, most of all? Seungmin had to shake his head just to stop thinking of it, turning to go up the stairs again.

"Seungmin?" Hyunjin suddenly said rather loudly, Seungmin immediately running to the wall next to where Hyunjin is laying, his back resting to the sofa. "Hey, Seungmin."

Seungmin panicked. He hadn't seen him, had he? He was fucked in that case, eyes squeezing shut when he heard Hyunjin move around on the cushions. Even though it was quiet for a while, Seungmin didn't even dare to look, but had to anyway, glancing up at the back of Hyunjin's head. He was sitting up, looking at the staircase. So he hadn't seen him, Seungmin figured, slowly starting to pull himself around the corner of the sofa so that Hyunjin wouldn't be able to see him there.

Seungmin froze as ice when Hyunjin suddenly stood up, tiredly going over to the stairs. "Seungmin?" he called again and Seungmin started shaking, his mouth being covered by his palm, frightened that Hyunjin would turn his head and see him. His breaths got quick and small when Hyunjin let out a sigh, slowly going up the stairs. What he wanted with Seungmin there, he didn't know. He was too scared to find out, knuckles going so white as he continued to clutch the hem of his shirt. His eyelids even burned when Hyunjin finally disappeared upstairs and Seungmin quickly pulled on his shoes. There was no way that he was going back for the bag now. Unpleasant shivers were going down his spine as he threw the door open but made sure that it didn't slam into the wall, closing the jacket around his shoulders and set off towards the doorway, leaving footprints in the ground after him.

It was warm in there and Seungmin had to enjoy it for just a second, covering his mouth as he started to run. He succeeded in putting it on the correct way, immediately starting to tug the bag on his back.

Cool air was still hitting his face and hands as he made his way down the path that him and Hyunjin had ridden down a few weeks ago. It was pretty much the same, Seungmin realizing that he also had forgotten the flashlight. He was thankful that the moon lit up his path away from Hyunjin at least a little. By now he was more overwhelmed than anything, knowing that he was actually on his way back to his hometown, back to his friends and family. 

He was sure that he walked for at least half an hour, passing trees and paths and rocks and the large field him and Hyunjin had been in, his cheeks getting wetter and wetter from the tears that he couldn't even figure out why they were falling like this. Seungmin shifted on his shoes.

Seungmin let out a choked sob when he felt his tiredness, one hand going to wipe one of his cheeks. No, this tears didn't mean anything. 

_Hyunjin_.

Seungmin shook his head again. No, nothing. No Hyunjin, no more Cheongju and no dreadful salads and noodles. Never in his life again, would he ever think of him again. Seungmin looked up when his surroundings suddenly got colorful and he turned his head, straight up at the sky. Northern lights. Seungmin had really kissed Hyunjin, hadn't he? He had even asked him to, if he remembered correctly. It was out of sympathy, Seungmin had thought at first, but he had never in his life gone that far just because that either. It was farfetched and it was something that Seungmin would never have done before. Especially not with his best friend. Definitely not with his rapist.

_Hyunjin_.

Seungmin shook his head again, trying to find another path or a road. By now he was only walking in the middle of a forest with no knowledge of where he would head up.

"Damn." he cursed and bit his lip, looking up at the moon. He should have looked in which direction it was when he went off. Was he lost? Was Hyunjin looking for him? He probably was, if Seungmin knew him correctly. He knew all of his habits and how he looked when he was tired and excited. He knew what he looked like when he was sad and angry, happy and confused. He knew how the wrinkles in his forehead looked when Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows and exactly how much he needed to smile to make his eyes curl, and how much he needed to laugh to make the other one appear. He knew what his favorite color was and he knew that he absolutely dreaded salad and that he still had to inhale his foods before eating them, and Seungmin found him absolutely perfect.

Seungmin cried and quickly wiped his cheeks again, shaking his head to get all of the thoughts of Hyunjin away. He couldn't stay. He wasn't allowed to. He couldn't leave his dreams behind, nor could he leave his parents. Especially not now, when he had actually left, his hands fisting on Hyunjin's shirt, bowing his head and closed his eyes. His eyelashes got wet really quickly and Seungmin didn't even bother shifting again, taking a shaky breath. In an instant, he felt his breathing became fast.

No.

"Seungmin!"

No.

"Seungmin, stop!"

_No._

Seungmin looked up when he felt himself get tugged up and somehow he saw Hyunjin on his bicycle, an angry look on his face. Seungmin stumbled over, wincing when his body hit the snowy ground and he arched his back, rolling over. He had to crawl to his knees and continue running, so he did, hands purple from the cold and his thighs sore and numb, getting to his feet within five seconds and started running, screaming when his wrist got grabbed.

"Let me go!" he screamed and stumbled onto Hyunjin, squirming against him and tried kicking him, legs twisting in every direction possible. He whimpered when Hyunjin wrapped both of his arms around his body instead and Seungmin bit Hyunjin's hand, Hyunjin screaming too and tore it away and Seungmin took this as his chance, starting to crawl again but once again got grabbed, both of them collapsing onto the ground.

"Stop," he whimpered and got turned around in Hyunjin's arms, hitting his chest and his arms and shoulders and even his face, slapping him again and again and _again_. "Let me go, Hyunjin! Let me go, please!"

He took another shaky breath and tears were rolling freely now and he stopped, Hyunjin's hands tight on his hips and on his wrist that he somehow had managed to take a hold of again. Seungmin looked up at him again and he was breathing heavily, wishing that he was able to read the look on Hyunjin's face. He looked angry, yet sad and annoyed, and Seungmin didn't want to see him like that. "Please let me go." he cried then and started squirming again, pushing Hyunjin's chest again and Hyunjin winced too, arm slipping around Seungmin's waist and pulled him closer. Soon enough Seungmin felt Hyunjin's hair on his neck and he closed his eyes again, snowflakes falling on his cheeks.

"Don't go," Hyunjin whispered, Seungmin knowing that the older's arms and whole body was shaking. He wasn't in a very comfortable position, being lifted off the ground by Hyunjin so his back arched and his legs were bent, Seungmin swallowing thickly when he heard the muffled sobs of Hyunjin. "Please don't go. Please don't leave me Seungmin."

Seungmin took another deep breath and he let his head fall back, slowly shaking his head. He couldn't stay, _no_.

"Let me go," he whispered tiredly and Hyunjin's arms only tightened, his nose and lips pressing into Seungmin's neck and Seungmin sighed, looking up at the green and the blue lights that was flowing across the sky. It didn't take long before his neck got wet too. "Please, Hyunjin."

"No," Hyunjin whimpered, shoulders shaking from crying. "Never."

"Hyunjin." Seungmin sighed, cheeks covered in tears.

"No," Hyunjin almost shouted, hugging Seungmin's body more tightly. "Don't leave me, Seungmin. I don't want you to leave me. Stay, Seungmin, you have to stay. Don't leave me here." 

Seungmin closed his eyes then and breathed in, feeling so incredibly cold and numb. He didn't notice to himself when he put his hand on Hyunjin's hair, brushing them off tiredly. He could barely move. "I hate you." Seungmin lied.

Hyunjin only sobbed again. It all just went black after that. Staying here seemed to be his only option by now.

-

When Seungmin woke up he was on his bed on his and Hyunjin's house again, wrapped up in blankets. He could heard the cracking of a fire and Seungmin thought that he could hear some breathing, forcing himself to look around to find the source of it. It was obviously Hyunjin and Seungmin looked beside him, the older boy sitting on the floor with his leg crossed, his elbow on the side of his pillow, glaring down at him with his tired eyes. Seungmin knew that he had cried over him leaving, so seeing him like this make him know that not everything was alright yet. He sat up a little and scooted back away from Hyunjin's face, making sure that he was still wrapped up in blankets. He could feel the fabric of a shirt press to his body so he knew that he wasn't naked, but he still felt like he shouldn't expose too much of himself to him. He just felt scared.

"H-Hyunjin." he breathed after a few minutes, blinking when Hyunjin didn't move an inch. He was like a statue, Seungmin swallowed the last courage that he had as his throat suddenly went dry. "Hyunjin, I didn't mean to–"

It was because Seungmin hadn't expected it that he got so surprised, when Hyunjin stood up and slapped him right across the cheek and Seungmin fell off the bed and onto the floor, cheek stinging and burning. He looked up at Hyunjin again, completely taken aback, fingertips slowly brushing the warm skin. That's when Hyunjin did it again and Seungmin gasped, hanging his head and placed his whole hand on his cheek instead.

"Look at me," Hyunjin said sternly and Seungmin shook his head, pulling his knees to his chest. "I said, look at me!"

Seungmin's breath hitched when Hyunjin grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked, Seungmin staring up at him with his scared look on his face. Hyunjin raised his hand again, and once again slapped him, and Seungmin cried, trying to get away from him. But Hyunjin was still holding his hair and yanked Seungmin again, his other hand fisting Seungmin's shirt. Seungmin got pulled onto his feet and he tried to push his hand away again, stumbling onto the floor again when he got pushed right into the wall behind him. He started screaming 'stop' again when Hyunjin raised his fists and hit his jaw and temple and even his lip, the poor younger boy instantly tasting and coughing blood.

"Stop!" he yelled and got tugged onto his feet again, then shoved into the wall and a door, the door handle going right onto the bone of his hip. "Hyunjin, stop it!" His leg got kicked all of a sudden and he fell to the floor, looking up at Hyunjin again that had his fist raised. Seungmin heart was punching his chest and Hyunjin brought his fist down again, Seungmin screaming out in pain when it hit his cheek. "Hyunjin, stop, you're hurting me!" he choked and tried to curl into a ball, covering his face. "You're hurting me! Stop!" Apparently his words worked because Hyunjin did indeed stop, Seungmin glancing up at him with his scared eyes, fearing for his life for the second time in Cheongju. Hyunjin didn't have his hands raised anymore and Seungmin breathed out at that, only wincing when final time when he got a kick onto his thigh – and Hyunjin left the house.

Seungmin sat there for another hour and a half, staring out at nothing and watched the blood from his mouth dripping from his lips and onto his shirt. It was red instead of grey by now. He was scared. Frightened and worried, worried that he had done something stupid since he knew that Hyunjin would never do anything like this without a reason. He had promised not to leave him when they were young, so beating Seungmin up because he did something that he shouldn't do was definitely the cause of this. Seungmin suddenly sobbed and that made his body move a little, whimpering. He tried to stand up, but it hurt too much, so he ended up crawling across the floor and up the bed, leaving small drops of blood after him.

-

Hyunjin didn't come out for another week. Seungmin was so desperately trying to avoid Hyunjin that he let his thirst passed instead of going down and ask for something to drink. It was his hunger and the pain on his stomach that made him go down the stairs on the second week of June, hiccuping and sobbing and limped down the stairs, refusing to look at himself in the mirror. The bruise from Hyunjin's kick on his thigh that was dark purple by now was enough to tell him that he looked absolutely horrible. Hyunjin was sitting by the kitchen table when Seungmin came down. He wasn't doing anything, just staring blankly into thin air, looking up only when Seungmin stopped about halfway down the stairs. Hyunjin was crying, cheeks wet and eyes red, lips slightly parted. Seungmin felt just a little guilty, knowing that if he hadn't tried to run away then Hyunjin wouldn't have beaten him up, and then he wouldn't be like this.

But of course, nothing of this was Seungmin's fault.

But that's not what he thought.

He only swallowed and continued taking those last steps, fingers going along the railing. He hadn't seen Hyunjin for many days, so not really wanting to look at him wasn't something that could blame him for. He looked down on the floor as he went over to the kitchen counter. It was filled with pots and plates that looked like food had been scraped off of them. Had Hyunjin didn't eat and lost his appetite? He sighed and shook his head, opening the fridge. He found a finished plate with what looked like potato salad and a small bowl of some kind of soup, not saying anything as he just took it out and started eating with a fork and spoon that he took out from a kitchen drawer. He didn't sit down, staying there and just stared down at his food, hearing the shaky breath of Hyunjin's.

"Seungmin," Hyunjin whispered then, Seungmin hearing his chair scrape across the floor. "I'm sorry." Seungmin ignored him and continued to stare down at his food, hands shaking, fingers tightening a little around his fork. Maybe he was a little scared, knowing very well that if Hyunjin did this again – he would probably die. At least get knocked out cold. He sighed absentmindedly.

He didn't responded, so scared that he would get beaten again if he tried to speak. He knew that Hyunjin was standing behind him.

"Seungmin," Hyunjin sighed, Seungmin swallowing when Hyunjin placed his hands on the side his shoulders and quietly caressed them. He wanted to shake him away, but it hurt too much. A small part of him didn't want to either, but if he didn't brush it away then he would do something that he would regret later. Seungmin couldn't help but shiver when he felt a small kiss to the back and to the side of his neck. He winced a little when Hyunjin wrapped his arms around his waist, stumbling back against him. He was just aimlessly falling by now, wasn't he?

"Hyunjin, it hurts." he whispered and Hyunjin shook his head, leaving a small and red mark on Seungmin's skin.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled again, resting his forehead to Seungmin's head, particularly at the back. "I didn't mean to, alright? I tried to calm down but…"

"Hyunjin, I get it." Seungmin whispered and shrugged the older off of him, returning to his food. He knew that Hyunjin frowned behind him, body tensing up. Seungmin breathed out when Hyunjin's hands landed on his sides, gently, of course, and squeezed his hips just a little, Seungmin once again shaking his head, hissing at the sudden contact.

"It hurts," he muttered, shoving his plate into the sink. "Don't touch me."

"I apologized," Hyunjin said, almost desperate. "You won't let me hold you again?"

Seungmin turned around and looked up at Hyunjin for a single second, then turned away. "Not right now." he said, licking his bruised and sore lips.

"So, when you're better?"

"Don't talk like it's your punishment or something!" Seungmin suddenly snarled. "You did this. I have every single right to ignore you or even slap you if I want to."

Hyunjin felt his eyes getting watered again, stepping closer again and reached one of Seungmin's hands, putting it on one of his cheeks. "Slap me then," he spoke, "Slap me if you really want to."

Seungmin glared at him, moving his arms but stopped at doing it so, whimpering when he brushed one of his bruises. He looked horrible, he was sure of it. He tasted blood every time he breathed and he could barely walk probably, Seungmin glancing down at the large bruise on his thigh. It was purple red. He looked up at him again, watching his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. The older boy smiled a little though, as if he was relieved or something, and Seungmin hated it, and snapped. He raised his hand and slapped Hyunjin then, enjoying how his hand connected with Hyunjin's pale cheek. Because of that he did it again, and three more times, then shoved his chest.

"I hate you," he breathed out, his voice shaking due to the pain that he felt both physically and emotionally, and Hyunjin nodded with the sad look on his face, his eyes didn't look at him. "I hate you so much."

"I know."

"I'll continue doing so."

"I know." Hyunjin said.

Seungmin took a step backwards, before passing right beside Hyunjin, the older following. Seungmin was too tired to even care then, resting his forehead on Hyunjin's shoulder when Hyunjin pulled him closer. He stumbled as little, letting Hyunjin kiss the top of his head, his hands now on Seungmin's nape and back. "Too bad I can't say the same."

"You're insane." Seungmin mumbled on Hyunjin's shoulder, wet tears patching Hyunjin's shirt. "I hate you so much. I'll never forgive you for this."

Hyunjin laughed sadly, burying his face in Seungmin's hair as he gave him assurances and apologizes. They stayed like that until Seungmin had calm down.

-

It took another week for Seungmin to completely heal his wounds and bruises. He still tried to avoid Hyunjin as soon as possible, not wanting to get out of his room every time he knew he's there. He couldn't get the recovery that he want, especially when he was going to take a bath, he wouldn't want to look at the small mirror, knowing that there were still evidence of Hyunjin's violence last time at his body.

Hyunjin might surely notice his behavior, that's why he witnessed how Hyunjin got surprised when he saw him the next time, walking closer to the tree where he was staying. Hyunjin was standing under the tree. Hyunjin watched Seungmin walked with small huffs, sitting down not that far away from him. He was slightly shaking, so he was still trying to stay away from him, even if just a little. He had started to get nightmares after it happened and he didn't want them to come back once they disappeared.

"Hello, Pup." he said. He had gotten a little nicer since the incident. At first Seungmin hadn't thought that it was possible, but apparently it was.

"Hi." Seungmin replied then and looked around, up at the dark blue sky, warm air now lingering his skin. It felt new, Hyunjin seemed to be reaching something up the tree with a net. "What are you doing?"

"Getting fresh apples for our food next time." Hyunjin smiled and nodded him over, Seungmin crawling across the ground, watching for the apples on the tree. "Wanna try?"

Seungmin nodded and reached out his hand, taking the long net with a sigh. 

"I can continue after you get tired." Hyunjin stated. Seungmin nodded and even shrugged, standing up again with a soft gasped at the sudden feeling of pain on the side of his stomach.

"Alright." he said then and looked up, trying to find some apples that he could easily pick up. Let's just say that he hadn't done this before, that's why he wanna try, the heels of his feet raising. He bit his lip, swallowing as he had able to pick one apple, and then five more. This was going to take forever, Seungmin thought, and breathed out, looking at Hyunjin who he didn't know was watching him. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"What?" he asked and Hyunjin smiled, resting his chin on his hand. He was cross sitting at his previous position earlier, and it seems like he was enjoying watching him like an idiot.

"Nothing." he answered, his head tilting a little. Seungmin rolled his eyes.

"Bullshit." he whispered. Hyunjin laughed.

Seungmin let out a sharp click with his tongue and shook his head, continuing to pick more apples. He knew that Hyunjin was still watching him, so he tried to ignore him. But he couldn't help but to glance back a few times since his gaze kinda distracting him. "Ahh seriously, can you stop looking at me?" he mumbled.

"I don't really want to, Babe."

Seungmin stopped on what he was doing, his one eyebrow being raised. "Are you flirting with me?"

Hyunjin stood up with a smile, walking over to a few leaves on the ground, all of them were getting dried. "What do you think, Seungs?" Hyunjin asked, Seungmin looking at him when he suddenly was only a meter away from him. He nervously looked away, his hand clutching the handle of the net tight. He still didn't like it when he got so close without asking Seungmin's permission beforehand. He got startled so easily, so knowing that Hyunjin could just come closer out of nowhere didn't help.

"You're doing it for nothing." Seungmin whispered then and turned up to the trees, making another attempts. "You're just wasting your time when in fact you could have just flirt some other guys out there."

"So, you're telling me that I haven't caught your heart at all?" Hyunjin wondered proudly. "Then why did you distanced yourself to me during the time I've got a girlfriend?"

Seungmin's cheek flushed into red and wanted to sink through the leaves and ground, and hopefully would never come back. So he had notice that, huh? "Can you just let that go?" he mumbled, chuckling softly, not wanting to show that he was affected at the question. It wasn't something that he usually did, but since Hyunjin had made Seungmin do quite a lot that he hadn't done before, he didn't question it.

"Why would I?" Hyunjin smiled, his head being tilted as he watches Seungmin's flustered face. "And also, why did you ask me to kiss you during the night were in the rooftop? It was a lovely kiss, d'you know that?"

"That was just a _friendly_ kiss, you're expecting too fuckin' much." he muttered, intently emphasizing the word 'friendly'. Hyunjin laughed.

"Well, it was still lovely." he said with a smile, Seungmin's breath stopped when he felt the taller boy behind him leaned and tilted his head, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Seungmin turned his face away from him.

"It wasn't." Seungmin lied.

"Were best friends, Seungs. Best friends' minds do think _alike_." Hyunjin whispered into his ear then and let out a short laugh, Seungmin shaking his head.

"Shut up." he mumbled and gently shoved Hyunjin's chest, hand lingering a second too long on Hyunjin's. He winced a little. Hyunjin frowned too.

"Does it hurt that much?" he wondered quietly and Seungmin looked up at him, nodding slowly.

"Yeah." he breathed.

Hyunjin sighed, taking the handle of the net from Seungmin's hand. "I'm sorry," he said and reached out for Seungmin's hand, Seungmin shuddering under the light touch of his fingertips. "I promise that I didn't mean to hurt you."

Seungmin didn't respond and just sighed as he decided to lean on the trunk of the tree, glancing on the sky that was even a little blue. It was funny to think that Hyunjin also stated the same statement on his first day here, his mind telling him before that he was mad for abusing and raping him, but now, when he told him that, he kinda believe him surprisingly. If you had asked him a few months ago he would have said that he would rather die than stay in here – but Seungmin now also realized how stupid he had been since Hyunjin wasn't mean, his attitude changes as time passes by. The way Hyunjin changes for good, that was already enough for him. He had forgiven him now, hadn't he? But not fully though, he guess. 

"Are you okay?" Hyunjin questioned, nudging Seungmin's chin so he was looking at him. He felt Hyunjin's fingertips shake a little on his chin.

"Not always." Seungmin sighed, Hyunjin's fingers had been warm on the small part of his chin that he had been holding, but when he answered, his fingers had pulled away.

"When do you think that you don't?" Hyunjin asked, running his fingertips through Seungmin's locks and bit the very corner of his lip when he glanced up at Seungmin, leaning forward just a little. He was trying to kiss him, wasn't he? He avoided his face on him and the older leaned away with a small "Sorry."

"You already know the answer to that, Hyunj," he said then, looking up to the sky again. "Like, I can't just believe it... why did you have do this to your own best friend? Why did you have do that to _yourself_?"

"I'm sorry, but I guess you already know the answer to that too." Hyunjin blurted even if he didn't want to. Seungmin just shook his head, not saying anything. Shifting a little at his current position, Hyunjin sighed. Hyunjin moved his hand and placed it on the trunk instead, specifically beside Seungmin, breathing out a low chuckle.

"But, you know," Seungmin said, looking at Hyunjin, his fingers tangled together. "I'm over it, so… Let us don't think about it."

"Don't lie." Hyunjin mumbled, his fingers pinching Seungmin's cheek softly.

Seungmin laughed softly, his head falling back. Still, the smile didn't look genuine. "Sorry." it was his turn now to say that.

_

Seungmin got inside when Hyunjin had decided to go further to get some more food supplies an hour later, teeth clattering at the sudden cold air that hit him like a brick. He hurried up the stairs with three steps at a time, instantly stepping backwards as he glanced over the kitchen. He hummed a little when he saw a scrambled egg, eating them due to his hunger. He was busy consuming his food when he felt a pair of hands on his waist, flinching at the sudden contact.

"Sorry, sorry." Hyunjin laughed and Seungmin breathed out, pulling away from Hyunjin so that he could look at him fully.

"You scared me." he breathed, going over to the couch and sat down, turning on it so he could look at the taller guy. He smiled a little, watching Hyunjin put all the foods out from the plastic.

"Sorry, Pup." Seungmin heard him, and he just hummed in response, his head resting on the head rest of the sofa. He glanced at the fireplace then and onto the flames, listening to the sparking and the cracking of it. It was as relaxing as always.

"Hey, Seungs." Hyunjin said then, Seungmin looking at him and watching him wash the fruits with his half lidded eyes.

"Mm?"

"Are you happy here?"

Seungmin stopped, his Adams' apple bobbing. Hyunjin seemed serious, and he almost always did since they had came to this place, so Seungmin didn't know how to respond. "Uh," he croaked, clearing his throat. "Well, you know, uh…"

"It's a yes or no question." Hyunjin said simply, still doing his business at the kitchen.

"Uh, well, it's not exactly bad, but…"

"I said yes or no." 

"...No." That was the closest to the truth. And as soon as he stated that, Hyunjin was already facing him fully. Hyunjin stopped on what he was doing, and he can't even read the emotions on his eyes. It felt blank. He knew that he had said something wrong, and for once, he knew what it was.

"Alright." Hyunjin said, and that was that.

-

Seungmin wasn't expected that this would gonna happen, but he noticed how Hyunjin had undeniably became affectionate and clingy to him these past few days. Every time he would wake up in the morning, he would welcome him with a morning hug, every time they weren't doing nothing, he would cuddle the shit out of him at the couch. Seungmin, had obviously, would sometimes complain how tight his hug was on him, it depends on the way he hug him though, but Hyunjin was having none of it. He didn't seem to have much of a choice either, because if he didn't Hyunjin might punch the shit out of his face again and he didn't want that to happen again. So here he was right now, listening to Hyunjin's calm breathing. He was cooking for the both of them when Hyunjin had came home from the outside and the first thing he did was to slid his arms around his waist, asking if he was doing alright, asking how was his day. Of course, he would answer him like how it was supposed to be.

"You know what, Hyunjin," Seungmin breathed. "To be honest, I've noticed that you had gotten weird these days." he turned his head slightly, looking up at Hyunjin who was surprisingly not smiling, instead just nuzzled his face onto Seungmin's broad shoulder.

"What do you mean?" he mumbled on his shoulder before he decided to look at him, his chin resting on his shoulder. 

"You were getting clingy and touchy." he whispered.

"Have I not always like this? Like, I have been this affectionate when we were high school."

"No. Well, yes, but," Seungmin muttered. "That was in high school, and that was like, a long time ago. You stopped being clingy when we were in college."

"Is that so?" Hyunjin asked. Seungmin shuddered when he felt him place a small kiss to his nape. "I don't think there's nothing wrong with being affectionate with my favourite person." Seungmin rolled his eyes and decided to wash his hands now.

"I know there's nothing wrong, I'm just curious why you became clingy," Seungmin shook his hands, drying them gently. "Why is that though?"

Hyunjin shrugged, "Dunno." he simply said, before pressing pepper kisses on Seungmin's broad shoulder. Seungmin was sure that he wouldn't get another answer, letting it go before he asked anything more. 

He pulled away from Hyunjin and decided to go on the living room, particularly to the couch. Hyunjin followed him, his hand pulling the chair from the dining room. Seungmin sat on the couch, while Hyunjin sat on the chair, specifically in front of him.

Seungmin decided to lay on the sofa before turning his attention to his best friend, who was already staring at him from the very start.

"What?" Seungmin mumbled.

"What?" Hyunjin asked back.

"What the fuck are you doing there, I wanna sleep."

"Then sleep, I'll be watching you."

"You're creepy."

"I just wanted to watch my most favourite person in the world, I don't think there's any problem with that at all." Hyunjin stated softly, eyes squinting slightly. He gently slowly ran his thumb along Seungmin's cheek, then to his thin lips. Seungmin slowly made a line of them, swallowing nervously. Did he just said "favourite person' for the second time? He's flirting with him again, isn't he?

"Bullshit," He muttered. Hyunjin moved his thumb to his chin as response, and Seungmin was looking at him in the wait of him doing something. Seungmin found it weird. He would have swatted his hand away, yet he didn't, he leaned into the touch instead. "Could you please stop flirting with me? I'm getting tired of your fucking flirtiness to be honest."

He hadn't expected Hyunjin to run his thumb over his lip again either, or that his fingertips would go to the hair that grew right behind Seungmin ear and play with it. Seungmin just carefully nudged it, but when Hyunjin didn't move it he just let it be.

"You might get tired of it Seungs, but I will never, ever get tired of you." he whispered softly, Hyunjin kept his eyes on him as he thought, Seungmin never looking away. He didn't even know if he blinked or not. Hyunjin did at least, the tip of his tongue just poking out a little as he licked his lips from time to time.

It took them about half an hour for them to get back to the dining room, Seungmin waiting for Hyunjin to finish his food. The older started walking back towards the living room while Seungmin had decided to clean and wash the dishes, expecting for Hyunjin to give him a hug, but he felt cold as nothing came.

Seungmin watched his best friend doing the chores after he had finished washing the dishes. He had been noticeably quiet after their conversation earlier. He decided to get the chair on to the living room. 

"I'll gonna bring back the chair," he said and placed his hand on the chair as he started pulling it away from the living room, watching Hyunjin quietly did his chore. "Tell me if you need a help."

Seungmin looked at him as he took the third step to the dining room, locking his eyes on the guy brooming the floor. He wanted, or maybe not, that Hyunjin would respond. He always had and he probably always would, and Seungmin had grown used to it. A simple "Okay." was all he needed, but tonight Hyunjin didn't say anything. Seungmin even slowed down a little just so Hyunjin would get more time – but he stayed there in the middle of the room. Seungmin looked at him and he wondered if something was wrong, just watching when Hyunjin noticed him as he walked over and looked at him, the older smiling softly when he reached out and wrapped his fingers on Seungmin's. It was warm and long. It felt wonderful, even if Seungmin knew that something was about to happen. Maybe it was the pressure of his hand or the expression that Hyunjin had on his face, or even the fact that Hyunjin leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the jut of his jaw. Seungmin hoped that he wouldn't think of it and just continue to walk away, but he went closer instead and let Hyunjin slide a hand around the back of his head and pull him closer. Hyunjin lips were cold, but Seungmin's were too, so Seungmin just imagined them being warm instead when he shyly reached his own hand out and placed it on the side of Hyunjin's jaw. He had been thinking how he didn't want this since he had came here, and Seungmin felt like he couldn't take it up anymore. Fucking lies. He would have to stop since he was sure that he was giving in – being in denial every single day even if Hyunjin was so wonderful and lovely to him, he even change just for him, just to win him back again. Seungmin's eyes had fallen shut a long time and he was kissing Hyunjin back, parting his lips slightly so that Hyunjin could enter his tongue and nibble on his bottom lip before he kissed him again.

Seungmin's breath hitched when Hyunjin pulled away, bringing themselves to the stairs. He didn't really notice that he was starting to back up the stairs, both of his hands holding Hyunjin's cold cheeks as they kissed again and again and again. He heard Hyunjin chuckle and then he felt two strong hands on his hips, stumbling just a little when he got pulled closer and almost lifted up, pretty much walking around on his tiptoes.

Seungmin breathed out when the older boy had pulled away and brushed his lips down Seungmin's jaw and ear and finally his neck, Seungmin's eyes fluttering open so that he could look up at the ceiling.

"It's kinda cold in the bed." he whispered, breath hitching when his skin got sucked on and then released, Hyunjin's wet tongue gently sliding along it.

"Let us warm it up then."

And that's it. Seungmin felt a little dizzy as he stumbled around on his toes into the bedroom with Hyunjin still taking care of his neck, Hyunjin stopping for just a moment and kicked the door shut after them. He closed his eyes again when one of Hyunjin's hands slid around his thigh and lifted him up, Seungmin's legs brushing Hyunjin's sides when he wrapped them around his waist and hooked his ankles behind him. The room was spinning and Seungmin felt weaker than usual. Somehow he didn't really know what he was doing, but he knew that he wouldn't regret this. Hyunjin was the _right_ person. He was the right person to do this with. He wanted Hyunjin and not just some random people he knew at the university, only Hyunjin.

Seungmin let go of him when he got set down on the bed, helping himself by propping himself up on one of his elbows. He was nervous. He could feel that Hyunjin was too, judging from how his hands were shaking when they placed on Seungmin's stomach and slid up over his chest, finally placing on the nape of his neck, fingertips just gently rushing along his jawline, chin and earlobes. He felt warm, warmer than normal, when Hyunjin's breath ghosted on his lips, Seungmin's eyes falling shut again when his head tipped back just a little. Seungmin breathed out and wrapped one of his arms around Hyunjin's neck, holding him close when he received another hot kiss.

It was dark in the room, Seungmin was happy that the moon was out because of that, looking up at Hyunjin, the moon illuminating his face when he pulled away after another tug on his lower lip. Seungmin shuddered softly, his puppy-eyed gaze locking at Hyunjin's sharp one when he got lifted again just a little bit further onto the bed, landing softly in the thick and white covers. He had to swallow many times just so he wouldn't embarrass himself by choking on his own spit. Seungmin's lips parted when Hyunjin's hands suddenly were on his inner thighs, the younger boy taking a deep breath as he spread them for the boy above him so that he could slip between them. Hyunjin seemed satisfied, smiling softly when he straightened and ran his hands down Seungmin's sides.

"You look so cute, Pup." he said lowly and Seungmin realized that he actually praised him, looking away with a small frown.

"Shut up." he mumbled instead, letting Hyunjin pull up his shirt, feeling how he started kissing him from his hip and up his stomach, stopping right at his ribs for a moment and just brushed his lips along them. Seungmin whimpered and felt how his nails dug into Hyunjin's back, Hyunjin softly gasped, as a response. Seungmin then tried to calm down, relieved that Hyunjin just started kissing up his chest, thumbs and fingertips only going over Seungmin's two nipples teasingly. Seungmin could do nothing but gasp, body tightening when Hyunjin started to nibble on his collar bones.

Seungmin soon felt how Hyunjin planted a mark that was sure would shift to red and purple on the bottom of his neck. Seungmin just breathed all out at it and looked up at the ceiling, a quiet and small moan dropping from his red-kissed lips as Hyunjin found his way to the spot just under his ear. His back arched and Hyunjin grabbed his hips, lifting him a little. Seungmin had to wrap both his arms around Hyunjin this time just so he wouldn't fall off, sitting down in Hyunjin's lap when Hyunjin straightened and sat up. He took another shaky breath and tilted his head, letting Hyunjin make bruises and marks on him however he wanted by now. It felt good. He never felt this good before. Maybe he wanted more attention like that. That was what Hyunjin gave him now. Warm, gentle and loving attention, something that Seungmin thought that he had lost when they were in college, to some extent, at least.

Seungmin found himself pulling on Hyunjin's clothes soon enough, his heart racing in his chest, something that had happened every time Hyunjin looked at him for this past month. Maybe he even had started to admit it to himself.

Seungmin leaned back when he felt that Hyunjin started to move around, removing his arms from Hyunjin's back when Hyunjin hooked his fingers onto the hem of his own shirt and pulled it off, Seungmin swallowing nervously. He finally realized that it was actually about to happen again, but this time they were making love. That's it, Seungmin put labelled on it as he looked up at Hyunjin in an attempt to find a glimpse of hesitation. Something, at least, but he found nothing. Not within himself, and not within of Hyunjin. All he found was wide blown pupils and parted lips, them being just as red and Seungmin's. Hyunjin was panting too and Seungmin had to look away, eyes somehow getting stuck on the tattoos that Hyunjin had on his chest. The initials of his full name covered his chest and Seungmin reached out, feeling them over his fingertips with a tightening feeling in his stomach and thighs. He took one of Seungmin's hands then and held it for a moment, feeling his pulse right there.

"You... tattooed out my initials." he said quietly.

"...Yeah." Hyunjin panted, his eyes staring at Seungmin intently. "I requested it during the time we got tattoo on our ankles."

Seungmin couldn't believe what he had heard. Hyunjin had made a tattoo on his chest even though he complaint how hurt it was during the time they both got a tattooed. Hyunjin really do not forget him all this time huh. "You could tell me if you don't want to continue, Seungmin." and Seungmin suddenly looked down at their thighs, heart fluttering because Hyunjin now cared. He cared about Seungmin, about his feelings and his wellbeing and his needs and not about the sex, the kisses or the occasional hugs they shared. It was Hyunjin now, and not someone else.

"No," Seungmin breathed then with a shake of his head, fingers closing a little around Hyunjin's hand. "I want to. I just, I'm feeling nervous, that's it."

Hyunjin smiled then and gently slid his fingers around Seungmin's cheek and tilted it up, making Seungmin look at him dead in the eye. He raised his eyebrows and Seungmin blinked a little when Hyunjin smiled and shrugged. "Nor am I, to be honest." he whispered with a kiss to Seungmin's forehead. Seungmin's hand tightened on Hyunjin.

"Have you done this with anyone?" he breathed. Hyunjin shook his head. "Hyunj, did you... did you just gave your virginity to me?"

Hyunjin chuckled then, sounding a little nervous if Seungmin wasn't mistaken. Seungmin eyes widened as Hyunjin nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I never got the chance, not until you told me that you were leaving," Seungmin felt like he lost his ability to speak. "I can't help it though." Hyunjin added, his voice kinda shaking, not wanting to say something more.

They probably sat like that for many minutes, Seungmin just looking at their hands holding. He had never expected that they have both got their virginity on to each other. It was a big thing, wasn't it? "I would rather give it to you than to someone I didn't even love," Hyunjin whispered, his lips brushing Seungmin's exposed shoulder. Seungmin felt how he blushed red once again and he let go of Hyunjin, placing his hand on the side of Hyunjin's neck instead of his hand.

"Are you sure?" he simply whispered. Hyunjin only nodded, and Seungmin gave in, letting Hyunjin pull on his sweatpants so they slid down his thighs and ankles, his hands going down Hyunjin's shoulders and arms. Seungmin felt calm again, like he had done this a million times before. Like he didn't need to be nervous being fucked by Hyunjin again anymore.

It felt good, and Seungmin was happy.

He softly watched when Hyunjin only decided to take all of his clothes off, Seungmin helping him but got hesitated just a little before he did the same with the grey boxer brief he was wearing. Still, he had no regrets. Not even when he rested back on the bed again and let Hyunjin spread his legs, Seungmin glanced up and him and Hyunjin seemed to have calmed down too, dark gaze flickering to Seungmin's for only a second.

"Take them off, _baby_." he breathed and Seungmin did as he was told, raising his hips and pulled the only underwear he was wearing, that actually were Hyunjin's, and let them fall to the floor. His heart was punching his chest, fingers trembling of embarrassment when his cock fell against his stomach and when Hyunjin licked his lips. Seungmin took a shaky breath and closed his eyes and decided to let Hyunjin do whatever he wanted with him. He didn't knew how things would escalate, but he trusted Hyunjin for this. This must be just as frightening for Hyunjin as it was for Seungmin.

Hyunjin pulled away as he get the lube on one of the drawer, before leaning down so that he could press a kiss to Seungmin's cheek.

"Please, you could stay stop if you want to Seungmin. I'm not gonna force you on to this." he trembled, his worried eyes staring at the younger.

"I'll be fine as long as you're careful." Hyunjin apparently thought that it was better than nothing because soon he leaned up and slide his fingers with the lube, making sure that they were as coated as they could possibly get and lined one of his fingers up by Seungmin. He was suddenly anxious, worried that it would hurt Seungmin again.

"Be careful." he said then and Hyunjin nodded, pressing a kiss to Seungmin's knee cap.

"I will," he smiled. "Tell me if it starts hurting, alright?"

Seungmin could only nod and tried to relax as much as possible, eyes squeezing shut when he felt how the tip of Hyunjin's finger pressed inside. Seungmin immediately winced and Hyunjin stopped, yet didn't pull out. Hyunjin only continuing when Seungmin nodded.

It took them about almost ten minutes to help Seungmin get used to it but Hyunjin was surprisingly patient. He stopped and continued when Seungmin told him to, never adding an additional finger if the younger told him not to. But soon enough Seungmin took a deep breath and stopped him, just letting his gaze speak for itself along with the nod he made. Hyunjin got it and he pulled his three fingers out, coating himself up and gently caressed Seungmin's thighs as softly as he could. Seungmin stared up at the ceiling when Hyunjin pushed inside of him and he hissed, putting his fist over his mouth. His eyelids started burning and he didn't really want to, but he started crying, cheeks getting wet. Hyunjin stopped the single movement he had made and reached out, wiping Seungmin's tears away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he stated and Seungmin shook his head, breathing out a small sob. "Do you want me to stop?"

Seungmin shook his head again and tried to take calm and deep breaths. He opened his eyes when two strong hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him up, Seungmin looking at Hyunjin who was sitting on his bum, back to the headboard. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and wondered if he did something wrong.

"Ride me," Hyunjin whispered then and Seungmin parted his lips, circling his arms around Hyunjin's neck again. "I want you to decide the pace. I don't want you to get hurt."

Seungmin couldn't help but smile then and he let out a small chuckle, nodding as he folded his legs at Hyunjin's sides on the bed. His hand held onto Hyunjin's shoulders with his arms still wrapped around Hyunjin's neck when he slowly sank down all the way and he let out a quiet and dragged-out groan. He sat there, on Hyunjin's hips for a while and tried to get used to the feeling, only rolling his hips so he could feel him moving just a little. Hyunjin rubbed his back in comfort while he did so, Seungmin breathing an unsteady breath onto Hyunjin's neck.

Soon enough he started to move properly, making Hyunjin kiss him again by placing a hand on his cheek. Seungmin pulled away from deep kisses when Seungmin started to move a little faster as he rode him, sliding up and down on his cock. Seungmin himself was clawing and scratching on Hyunjin's shoulders and back, eyebrows furrowed in concentration once again. He didn't find the motivation to hold back anymore, wanting Hyunjin to know how good he did and how good it felt, moaning soft curses and whimpers into his neck and his ear and his mouth every time they kissed.

Hyunjin slid his hands from Seungmin's back to his hips and he helped him by thrusting his hips up, Seungmin's head being thrown back as he moaned. His thighs were trembling when Seungmin continued to raise and lower himself, looking back at Hyunjin when he felt his hand in his hair. Hyunjin was flushed and he almost looked like he was in pain, but Seungmin was sure that that wasn't the case. Seungmin parted his lips then when Hyunjin leaned closer, thinking that he was about to kiss him. He did, Seungmin feeling like he could as well be poisonous. But, he pulled away again and left Seungmin's lips cold. He felt that Hyunjin took a deep breath, Seungmin whimpering softly when he felt how his whole body started to tremble and how his stomach just got warmer and warmer.

"Stay with me," Hyunjin whispered then and Seungmin twitched, his eyes just squeezing more tightly together and he felt himself moaning loudly for Hyunjin, trying to meet his thrusts as good as he could. "Stay with me, Seungmin. Stay here and _love_ me."

Seungmin's fingernails dug into Hyunjin's back then again and he dragged them along the back of his shoulders, Hyunjin hissing against Seungmin's thin lips. Seungmin almost expected him to stop him, but he didn't, Seungmin whimpering high in his throat. He knew that Hyunjin was close too from the fact that his hands were tightening on Seungmin's hips and that one of them wrapped around Seungmin's cock and started stroking him, Seungmin clenching around Hyunjin as he came over his hand and over his own thighs. He stopped moving himself, letting Hyunjin thrust up into him until he came too, pulling out before he did so and came over Seungmin's thighs also. Seungmin felt tired and exhausted and he collapsed against Hyunjin's chest, trying to calm his heart down. Hyunjin ran his clean hand through Seungmin's hair and he rolled them over after a few minutes, both of them going under the covers, Hyunjin holding Seungmin's close with a hand on his lower back. Seungmin was just going in and out of sleep, head slowly moving up and down in a nod.

"Okay," he whispered against Hyunjin's chest, his hand fumbling to find where Hyunjin's heart is, feeling how fast it was beating when he finally found it. He felt happy. "…Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @strayeffects


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will gonna be the last chapter of part two! thanks for supporting this series once again. <3  
> –m.

The faint gold of Saturday sunrise shone on the windowpane and cast a soft glow on Seungmin's just-awakening body. He stretched his aching arms, rolled over, and let his mind fall into order. They weren't expected to be anywhere 'til after lunch, and it wasn't even anywhere near breakfast yet.

Hyunjin's soft snore sounded beside him and he rolled over again to look. The older guy's long limbs were splayed out, hands gripping each side of the pillow and one foot dangling over the mattress. His body covered by the blanket and Seungmin smiled at the sight and snuggled closer to his best friend, planting a wet kiss on his chest, particularly on his chest were the tattoo had been placed.

As if the kiss were a key, Hyunjin slowly opened his eyes and smiled dizzily at the younger. "Mornin', Pup," he said with his morning voice and curled an arm around his waist. "Did you sleep well?"

Seungmin nodded. "Yeah," he answered softly and ruffled Hyunjin's messy and dark hair with his hand. "You were snoring."

"I do not," he lied with affection and pouted, he took the younger's hand on his head, placing tender kisses on his fingers while staring at him lovingly.

"How about you, Hyunj," he breathed out. "Did you sleep well?" Seungmin asked with his husky, morning voice. He decided to place his hand on Hyunjin's cheek, and the older boy just let him do it.

"Yeah, I slept well because you were here beside me." he stated cutely, and Seungmin can't help but to smile.

"Cute." Seungmin whispered with a smile, his eyes kinda blinking for still being sleepy. "Come with me to U.S."

"I can't," Hyunjin bit his lower lip at the thought, "The police might caught me if we go the fuck out in here."

Seungmin stopped on breathing for a moment. He forgotten already that Hyunjin did a very big mistake. He had busy coping with his feelings for Hyunjin that he had forgotten that he did a very big mistake on him. He suddenly felt small, obviously didn't know what to say anymore.

"I'm gonna make a breakfast for the both of us." Hyunjin whispered and left a kiss on his forehead before limping out of bed. Seungmin moved his head to watch him. His best friend with the red scratches on his back went over to the closet while still naked. They were actually both naked too, so it didn't really surprised Seungmin.

Hyunjin pulled on a pair of grey boxer briefs then and an old and dark grey oversize shirt, Seungmin still laying on the bed with his arm on his forehead. He knew what he wanted. A life in U.S. He would pursue his future there, together with his future lover. They'll gonna have kids, a dog and a home, a home where they'll gonna live happily and peacefully. That was Seungmin's definition of future. And he'll not gonna lie if he didn't want to admit to himself that he's been imagining his future with Hyunjin.

Seungmin had finally sat up on the bed with small groans and winces, pulling his knees to his chest. He sighed a little and let his forehead rest to his knees, slowly but surely moving his blanket, blushing lightly when he saw that both his and Hyunjin's dried come still was on the sheet under him. He bit his lip and just covered them again, stretching all of his muscles out against the mattress while waiting for Hyunjin to come back.

He glanced at the semi open door of the bed room, waiting for Hyunjin to come back with a tray of foods and coffee just what he did at his first day in here. There were no footsteps and no long fingers running through dark black locks. No long legs and no sharp eyes either. Also, no smell of noodles. Seungmin pouted. Was he really so much in need of Hyunjin? That couldn't possibly be it, right? That he wanted him here beside him always. He had destroyed their previous strong relationship, he had kidnapped him from his family and friends and left him with nothing but a bed and a beautiful sceneries from the outside. He frowned absentmindedly when it took long for Hyunjin to come back. He was just preparing a breakfast, why it took half an hour to get in here?

He decided to stand and walked slowly as he felt a pain from his bottom region. He took a complete set of clothes from Hyunjin's closet, and was about to wear the shirt when he heard a clenching of the metals. He was about to peek when Hyunjin suddenly flexed on the door. Seungmin stared at the older with a shock look on his face, but was subsided as he let out an amused chuckle. "You scared me," Seungmin mumbled. "Why did you took so long?"

Hyunjin just smiled at him, he was holding a tray of breakfast, just like when the first day. But this time, Seungmin wasn't mad anymore. He's happy. He's happy that he was still there, smiling in front of him like he was the most beautiful thing that he had seen. "I'm sorry, Pup," he walked inside the bed room with Seungmin following him like a cute puppy. "I just had to make sure that I cooked your breakfast deliciously." 

They sat on the bed again, and they silently eat the breakfast comfortably. Hyunjin kept on flirting with him while they eat, that he prefer eating his best friend instead rather than the breakfast that he had made. On the other hand, Seungmin would answer him rudely, nothing serious, they were just happy.

Hyunjin spent his whole day with his best friend without going out. They decided to play with the old guitar as they jam together with some sentimental songs. Hyunjin was the one that playing the guitar, while Seungmin was the one that sings. When Seungmin got tired though, Hyunjin decided to sing on his own while still strumming with the guitar 

_"My eyes are no good, blind without him_   
_The way he moves, I never doubt him_   
_When he talks, he somehow creeps into my dreams-"_

Seungmin leaned on to the couch, his legs being crossed on the floor, watching his best friend sings like that.

_"He's a doll, a catch, a winner_   
_I'm in love and no beginner_   
_Could ever grasp or understand just what he means-"_

Seungmin was just watching his best friend's finger strumming when Hyunjin took a glance of him. Seungmin had no other choice but to stare back at him.

_"Baby, baby blue eyes_   
_Stay with me by my side_   
_'Til the mornin', through the night-"_

They stare silently into each other's eyes for who knows how long, obviously sharing a loving look.

_"Well baby_   
_Stand here, holdin' my sides_   
_Close your baby blue eyes_   
_Every moment feels right_   
_And I may feel like a fool_   
_But I'm the only one, dancin' with you_   
_Oh oh oh oh."_

Hyunjin gave him a smile, and Seungmin smiled back, his head tilted. Hyunjin was the one who broke the gaze, his hands shaking as he stop strumming on the guitar. "My finger hurt." he grimaced while shaking his hand. Seungmin just let out a laugh, ruffling his hair like that. 

"Let's rest and sleep then, it's already midnight, I suppose-"

Hyunjin stood so that he could bring back the guitar from where he had placed it. As soon as he headed his way to his couch, Hyunjin leaned down and held Seungmin's hand. "Sleep with me." Hyunjin whispered.

Seungmin looked up at him. "Where?"

"There." Hyunjin pointed the couch.

Seungmin laughed. "You might fall if we sleep together there."

"It's okay. I don't mind fallingif you'd be the one catching." Hyunjin answered before giving him a wink.

Seungmin chuckled, giving Hyunjin a facepalm. "Fine, whatever." he crawled lazily on to the couch. "I will not be surprised if I found you laying at the floor tomorrow morning."

They lay comfortably on to the couch, their bodies impossibly close. Thank God the couch's size was enough for the both of them. Seungmin leaned his head to Hyunjin's chest, while Hyunjin buried his face on the younger's head. They spent his whole night hugging and cuddling the younger boy like it was the last time. But of course, it wouldn't going to be the last time.

Or so he just thought.

-

Seungmin woke up with a sound of voice from the living room, he could heard an authoritative voice from a foreign person. He rose from his laying position, noticing that he was now on his bed, but didn't Hyunjin said that they were going to sleep together at the couch? He stopped on thinking though as he heard the foreign voice once again.

Does Hyunjin had a visitor?

Before he could know the answer to his question, he decided to change and wear comfortable clothes. When he completely finished wearing all the clothes, it took many seconds for him to get out of the room. He took a hold of the railing of the stairs as he carefully glance down to the living room. He felt his heels dug deep on to the cemented floor when he noticed the 'visitors' that he was referring to. The bluish green color of their clothes, their badges, sleeves and epaulets. He watched how they held Hyunjin's arms, his hands being handcuffed. He watched how Hyunjin's face had instantly became pale, and how his eyes became horribly wide as he stared up at him, making all the visitors turned their attention to him as well.

Seungmin didn't knew what had happened earlier to be honest, he was just sleeping peacefully when they had pretty much appeared out of nowhere. The two policemen had rushed through the door along with two other policemen that had been running up the stairs. The two policemen who just came in front of him extended their hands on him, which he blankly accepted, his eyes staring at them with his eyebrows furrowed. "Good morning. I am Officer Jung Ji Hoon, and I'm with Officer Choi Dong Wook. We will taking you back to Samseong-dong."

_What_?

They will bring him back now to his hometown?

Is he dreaming?

His shock gaze caught Hyunjin's good eye —they were swollen shut, probably because he was crying silently—as they walked down the stairs. He could see so much. Seungmin didn't expect Hyunjin to fight—didn't want him to—this wasn't about escape now, it was a fight to keep something whole inside him. Both of the police who introduced himself as Officer Dongwook, and Jihoon started talking into their small radios about how they had found him and that they were taking him back and that they would call them if they needed reinforcements.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you. Are you okay?" Jihoon asked when Seungmin got led out, the confused, dandy boy stumbling over his feet. He felt like his head was spinning.

Was he really going back to his hometown?

Was he leaving Hyunjin?

Seungmin swallowed.

Was he _actually_ leaving Hyunjin?

"My head hurts." he whispered and immediately got assisted by the two policemen beside him, Seungmin overhearing how they had talk about that it must be the drug making him sick like that. Seungmin hated them, they wanted them to disappear. Seungmin held his forehead and closed his eyes tight, his eyesight going black for a moment but got better when he got pulled to his arm, Seungmin refusing to move.

"Mister Kim, we have to leave." Officer Choi said with a rather calming tone. These guards were sick, and so he was. Can't they see that he wasn't feeling well? He started panicking on the inside as he felt the force on his arms, pulling him away. He shook his head and the two policemen seemed confused, looking at each other before they started pulling on him again. "No..." Seungmin protested, his expression became furious as he looked at the policemen. But it seems that they didn't give a fuck. They stopped though as Seungmin began squirming, the dandy boy looking back at the house that had been his home for so many months. He felt probably bad that he couldn't remember how their house in his hometown looked like.

He stopped when Hyunjin suddenly got thrown out the door, making him stumbled down and kneel on to the wet ground. He squirmed against it when another policeman tugged on his shirt aggressively. Seungmin felt his limbs shaking, his feet wanted to bring himself towards Hyunjin so that he could help and hug him for the very last time, but he got held back.

Soon enough Hyunjin got lifted onto his feet again. He looked blank, pale and tired, his eyes red and swollen from crying. He got led to one of the two police cars that stood right there in the grass next to the lake, the policemen were unnecessarily rough with him, and Seungmin hated that.

They started to walk towards another car, when he noticed that they were going pass to Hyunjin's. He looked through the rear window, watching how Hyunjin just sat in the car and looking down to nothing, the back of his head were being rested to the head rest of his seat. He looked wrecked and broken, and Seungmin _hated_ it, he hated when he couldn't do anything about it but to just stare. He couldn't do anything but to just let himself being pulled to the other car, sitting down in the backseat of it. He got to bend down his knees on the car seat then and looked through the rear window once again, watching how Hyunjin just sinking back in his seat and looked out too, catching Seungmin's sad gaze for a second when the vehicle had passed them.

As soon as Hyunjin had disappeared onto his sight, it seems that everything that happened had finally sank on his mind. He just bored his eyes outside with his still shock look, until he couldn't take it anymore as he let out a muffled cry, his shoulder trembling. The policemen stared at him through the mirror in front of him sympathetically. "You're safe now, Mr. Kim. We're taking you home," Officer Choi comforted him. "You will never have to worry about that guy again."

The whole car ride was devastating to Seungmin, the boy looking outside just to distract himself. He definitely wouldn't want to answer every time they would ask him how was he feeling, asking what was wrong because they will _never_ understand. They will never understand what he feels and what Hyunjin was going through. That's why he just continued to stare out the window. The two policemen mumbling something he couldn't understand, as if he fucking care.

The trip was unexpectedly became faster than he thought. He got sent to his hometown exactly three weeks after the police had found him. He took under investigations and interviews and he almost had to be carried out of the precinct, barely knowing what to do when he got guided to the police car that was waiting for him. He heard that someone greeted him and barely noticed that he bowed tiredly.

"I'm driving you home," someone said. "We will give you a week or two to catch up with your normal life."

Seungmin opened his eyes at that and looked up at the beautiful girl in the driver's seat, her hair in a ponytail and her eyes very large and brown. Seungmin smiled tiredly at her and just nodded, falling in and out of sleep for the whole ride. He was actually sleeping and got awoken when the car had stopped, glancing out the window and up at the white building that he knew so well.

"You're finally home, Miste Kim Seungmin." the girl said softly and stepped out, Seungmin feeling himself getting tugged out of the car by her and another male that was about three buildings tall. Seungmin shrugged them off of him with a click on his tongue, letting them know that he actually could walk of his own. He was _really_ tired. "Do you still need anything, Mr. Kim?"

Seungmin shook his head, looking down into his hands. He took a shaky breath. "No, I'm fine. Thank you."

The two police officers nodded then and wished him good luck in life, and that they would make sure that no bad people would reach him for a few weeks. Seungmin said a short thank you and started going up the elevator, feeling every people stares on his back as he walk at the corridor. Seungmin was shaking when he had reached his dorm, _their_ dorm to be exact. He wandered his eyes around, until his eyes had bored onto the two vacant bed in front of him. His clutch on the doorknob tightened. He decided to walk closer to Hyunjin's bed, and there, he buried his face on to Hyunjin's sheets as he cried the shit out of everything.

-

Seungmin rang the telephone number that was connected to his and his older sister's flat, shivering as the cold air had went up his sleeves and chest. It took years before someone answered, Seungmin recognizing his sister's worried voice.

"Hello?" she stated onto the phone, Seungmin chuckling softly. He rested his forehead to the stone wall, feeling how his eyes started burning and soon he was even crying freely.

"Hi, sis." he said, closing his eyes. "D'you still remember your Sunshine?"

It didn't take more than ten seconds until he heard a whimper from the other line, crying his name out loud. She was cursing about how she hated him for not saying things to her, and how she had been so lonely and sad while he was gone. Seungmin just sobbed with her sister until he had gotten enough.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his arms that he had wrapped around his knees tightening on him. "I'm _so_ sorry, Noona." He doesn't even know why he kept saying sorry to her sister, if there's a reason, he doesn't probably give a fuck anymore. His mind was in mess to even think about it.

She whimpered then started whining, "I thought I would never see you again," she sobbed. "Please do take care of yourself, alright? We will gonna meet soon, I'll gonna help you with everything."

Seungmin laughed softly yet sadly. "Alright. I'm sorry." he said again, looking up at the ceiling. "I really am."

Seungmin had decided to stay at his sister's flat after a few days, Seungmin sitting on his bed almost every day. He had thought to himself that he would be happy again when he came back, but instead he couldn't get anything of Hyunjin's place out of his head. He started dreaming of Hyunjin and everything, and he barely eat anymore since he didn't want to move from his bed. His sister kept asking him multiple times per day if he wanted to do something or anything that could lessen his sadness, but Seungmin either remained silent or shook his head. Every time his sister made dinner she had to place it on the coffee table in front of her younger brother and just leave it there until Seungmin took it to the microwave and warmed it up. That was when Seungmin remembered how Hyunjin would do anything just to have enough supply of food for the both of them, the time he would follow him everywhere just to cuddle him out and the time they had made out that he didn't thought at all that it would gonna be the last. It was just Hyunjin.

To be honest, moving on wasn't that easy for Seungmin. He couldn't stop thinking about him from time to time. He should have just expected it from the start, if he had just think that this would happen, he never let himself fall deeper for his best friend instead. He had change, that's for sure, and his sister would surely noticed. She ended up understanding him because she had no right to judge. She really didn't knew what happened on him during the time he got kidnapped, and she couldn't blame him for that. Sometimes she would stop talking to him too for him to give space.

-

The date of the court came sooner than Seungmin had wanted to, standing in front of the mirror, tying his tie about a month after the interview. He looked stressed, large bags underneath his eyes. He looked just as awful, if not, _worse_. He was pale and his eyes were red from no sleep and all the crying sessions that his sister didn't knew about. He noticed how his weight got lessen too, it can be seen on to the bone of his cheeks.

"You ready?" his sister asked, giving him a concern look. She had finally finished her final look, as he could see through the mirror.

"Yeah." Seungmin lied with a shrug. He wasn't ready to be honest, but there's no other fucking choice. He had to finish this so that he could already move on and start a new life.

It had almost been half a year without Hyunjin and Seungmin had felt absolutely miserable. He felt pathetic and shit whenever he got to remember the things that they had been done for almost 17 years. Seungmin looked up when his sister stood on the doorway again; straightening out the purple dress she was wearing. She looked back at him and smiled a little. "Mom and dad called to me yesterday," she said, "Mom will come later to court."

Seungmin nodded, looking himself for the final time at the mirror. "Hopefully she could come," he mumbled. "I kinda miss her so bad."

-

Maybe it was the fact that his heart was racing, or the fact that his hands were trembling, but he knew one thing. He _needed_ to see Hyunjin again. Even if it just was for a second.

It wasn't really crowded in the courtroom yet Seungmin was practically shaking his leg. Calming down wasn't really an option right now, especially now that he had seen the soccer gang, and Yeji and Yuri was with them. Jisung was also there. They just gave them an encouraging smile, which he only responded with a 'thank you' grin.

"Seungmin, you have to calm down," her sister mumbled into his ear as he felt himself slightly shaking. "It will just take a little while, alright? Then we can get out of here as soon as possible." The younger boy looked up at her and nodded, really liking that idea. This whole place made him almost suffocated. Seungmin had wanted to come out of this place as soon as possible, but not anymore when everyone turned their attention the door.

"All rise." the bailiff suddenly said and everyone in the room immediately fell silent, Seungmin feeling completely sick. This was really happening, wasn't it?

Seungmin stood up along with his sister, the older girl beside him taking his hand. She seemed just as nervous as Seungmin, setting the fact that this was actually about him aside. He watched as a woman in her forties walked in with black clothes and glasses low on her nose, sitting down in her chair on the podium with a small clearing of throat. The large man gave her some papers.

Seungmin had to bored his eyes on to the floor just so he wouldn't turn around when the doors behind him swung open, Seungmin closing his eyes tight when he heard the soft sound of chains and handcuffs. The sound of footsteps came closer and _closer_ , huffs and harsh mutters following. Seungmin only looked up from the corner of his eyes when they actually were where he could see them, frowning when he saw a pale white Hyunjin in an orange prison shirt and his locks pushed back, his hair getting long. He looked _miserable_. _Awful_.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of Mister Kim Seungmin versus Mister Hwang Hyunjin. Are the both sides ready?" the Judge started and Seungmin had to look at his attorney, waiting for him to respond

"Ready for Mister Kim, Your Honor."

"Ready for the defense, Your Honor."

The whole thing was an absolute nightmare, Seungmin staring at Hyunjin pretty much the whole time when they wasn't supposed to talk, the older boy just sitting there with a blank expression and stared out into nothing. He looked miserable and Seungmin sure noticed, blinking in surprise when he suddenly moved and looked up at the Judge. "Mister Hwang, so you admit that you did, in fact, rape this man?" she asked, Hyunjin's lips parting. He sighed, Seungmin's hands tightening on the table in front of him as he wait for Hyunjin to speak.

"Yes," Hyunjin confirmed, his head nodding as he look at the Judge blankly. "I did."

"And you did kidnapped him after the incident?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Did you ever physically abuse him in any way?"

"Yes," Hyunjin answered. "Twice. Almost thrice. He got bruises and he bled and he didn't talk with me for a week. It was awful."

Seungmin just stared at Hyunjin's hand with the cuffs. He knew what he was doing. He was saying only nothing but the truth. "Is there any sexual assaults during the time you kidnapped him?"

"Yes." Hyunjin said then, letting out his lips slightly curled upward; Seungmin looking away with a fast beating of his heart. He didn't dare to look at his sister. The Judge seemed a little taken aback, pushing her eyeglass before she continue. 

"How many times?"

"Twice, or thrice. I don't know if the other one was counted." Seungmin wrinkled his nose and squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment before looking down at the table with a sigh. It seems that his nails got dug on the table. He's making him more nervous.

"Are you sure that it wasn't mutual?"

"I hope so." Hyunjin laughed, it actually echoed around, but it quickly died down and he looked away. Seungmin licked his lips. He wanted to add his own comment, but he knew that he wasn't allowed to. The questions and answers continued like that for both Hyunjin and Seungmin and soon Seungmin's lawyer sat down, and Hyunjin did too.

"Now, Mister Kim," the Judge said and Seungmin looked up, her eyebrows raising. "Did you ever, sexually attacked Mister Hwang?"

Seungmin looked at the Judge with his eyeballs shaking, "Yes," he said, feeling abashed. "Once. A-actually twice," he continued with a small sigh. "…Maybe there were more. I don't really remember." The Judge nodded and wrote something down on what Seungmin only could guess was a piece of paper, wishing that he knew what was going to happen.

"Now, Mister Kim, is there something additional that you want to be brought up into this?"

Seungmin had to think for a moment. He literally had a many _whys_ , like why he had chosen him, why he had to do this and that, why he had been so nice to him. He couldn't figure out which one he wanted to know the most, so he just took a deep breath.

"When will he get out of the prison?" The people in the courtroom became silent and Seungmin stopped breathing himself, heart racing when Hyunjin softly smiled and him when he caught his eye. He looked even terrible within seconds, and soon enough he closed his eyes for the nth time.

"As for now, I would say after more than ten years," the Judge responded with a small nod, rolling her pencil between her fingers. "He will get some psychological help too."

Seungmin breathed out and it literally felt like he was getting lighter by the second. He started trembling again, knees going weak and he had to hold himself up by the table and his hands only, just looking at his best friend but that looked just as devastated as him. The courtroom started mumbling and the Judge slammed her hand into her podium a few times, making everyone quiet down again. She snarled a little.

"And you, Mister Hwang, do you want to bring something up?" Hyunjin hadn't moved his eyes from Seungmin for the whole time and Seungmin hadn't either, the younger one barely noticing when Hyunjin started to speak.

"If you were given the choice of staying and going away, would you rather stay?" he wondered. Of course _I would_ , Seungmin thought. _Of course, fucking hell, I can't even function without you._ Seungmin glanced back at his sister being silent next to him, Seungmin knowing that it was because of him and Hyunjin.

"Yeah," he said, looking back at Hyunjin. "Yeah, I would." Hyunjin smiled and the mumbling got even louder, but Seungmin couldn't bring himself to smile. He knew what was going to happen this time. Hyunjin would end up in prison.

-

Seungmin looked up at her sister when she started hugging him, sniffling echoing through the flat. Seungmin had his arms around her as he listened, guilt washing over him again and again. "I'm still being sorry for what happened to you, sunshine." she muttered.

"You don't have to say sorry," Seungmin mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Listen, sis. I was going to tell you. I just didn't…"

"It's okay, Seungmin. You didn't have to tell me everything." her sister whispered before looking at Seungmin with a smile. "I hope you get the happiness that you deserve, with him, if you really like to."

It seems that he didn't have to elaborate everything that happened to his sister. They really do have the same blood, understanding each feelings that much without having to say anything.

  
-

Seungmin's mother visited him to her daughter's flat after two days later, pouring her a glass of water. The two had remained silent for the majority of the time that her mother had been here, both of them just hugging and chanting "I missed you," and "I'm sorry for everything," to each other for the second time. 

"Are you sure that you know what you're doing Seungmin? You know,"

"Mom, I'm sure, okay? I would only make myself unhappy if I had to let him go."

"He's a criminal, Seungmin, whether you like it or not. Can you really be happy if you stay with him?"

"I think so." Seungmin answered.

"He did abuse you so bad," she continued, a crack in her voice. Seungmin just nodded and extended his handkerchief to her. He smiled. "I just want you to be safe, Seungmin."

"I know mom," he sighed, running a hand through his own hair. "But… believe me when I say that I want to be with this guy, okay? We've been together for many up and downs and everything, you know that. He wasn't that bad, he's just _lost_. I don't know how far he will go, or how far _we_ will go, but we can at least try."

Her mother smiled and nodded. "You know that as long as you're happy, I'll stand behind you." Seungmin nodded and that and placed his hand of his mother's, giving her an encouraging smile. "Thank you so much, mom."

-

Seungmin and the gang decided to catching up where things left off and ended up drinking with them. Chan sprawled out on the couch with Seungmin just sitting onto the floor. They talked how things escalated, and how the police had found the both of them. He had knew from them that Hyunjin's dangerous friends were caught on dealing illegal drugs and they mentioned Hyunjin being part of them.

"He really look so fuck up at the court room, wasn't he?" Changbin wondered when Seungmin shifted on the couch. "He really do suffer there, that's for sure."

" It's okay. He chose to did that to himself." Seungmin shrugged, taking another sip from his bottle, swallowing thickly. "Everything will going to be okay as soon as he get out of there. We will continue what we had unfinished."

Chan coughed. "Whipped."

Felix coughed too. "Whipped for Hyunjin." Seungmin laughed at that. He was happy that the soccer gang accepted it so easily, remembering the fact that they also have a deep relationship with Hyunjin before. They did understood what Hyunjin was going through, and they wishes but nothing all the best for him in the future.

"Are you sure that you will be happy with him though?" Felix asked. "I mean… We all know that you guys were best friends, but he doesn't seem like he have treated you the best."

Seungmin smiled. "Thank you for caring, Lix. But I know what I'm doing. I know why he did it too, so I know that it won't happen again."

Chan, being a protective hyung he was, let out a sigh and ran a hand through Seungmin's hair. "If you say so. Be careful." Seungmin leaned back, nodding to himself. Yes, he could deal with it. He was sure of it. Really sure.

"By the way, where's Minho?"

"Probably spending his time with Jisung hyung." Jeongin snapped.

"Wait, did you just said Jisung?" Seungmin asked. "He's my childhood best friend, oh God he better do take care of him or else I'll cut his throat into half."

"He better be." Changbin shrugged before drinking.

-

  
Seungmin's heart was pounding when his fingers tightened on the hem of his hoodie, the poor boy feeling like the walls were closing in on him. Shaken, frightened and just simply scared, he had somehow managed to literally force himself here, to the local Police station. The place where Hyunjin was going to spend a large amount of his life, away from Seungmin and to every people over all, setting the other prisoners aside. It had been a month since the trial, and Seungmin was surprised that he even had gotten there from his own free will. He wanted to see Hyunjin, even if he had still wearing that orange shirt and his long hair standing in every possible direction. Being without him for another month or two was something that he didn't want. He may not be able to hear or touch him like before again, but this was just as good as it was going to get. The walls were white inside the building and the floor was in some ugly beige cardboard. It looked absolutely hideous and Seungmin hated it, feeling how his whole body started trembling more than necessary. He made his way up to the desk where a blonde woman sat, her sitting up more properly when he got closer.

He got led into a room full of doors and minimal windows, Seungmin seeing how some prisoners hit the windows and slammed at the metal strip doors. They were prison cells, Seungmin guessed. It echoed in the whole hallway and maybe Seungmin even moved closer to the police officers. It was like he couldn't feel a single thing. He felt blank and cold. He didn't even know if he was happy or unhappy. Seungmin looked up when the woman stopped and started looking through a large amount of keys locked onto a key ring, moving off to the side. She started unlocking a door. Seungmin immediately got warmer when the thought of Hyunjin being in there crossed his mind and he was about to walk up to her side, but got pulled away by the man. He said that they would go into a separate room so that they could talk freely through a phone, Seungmin knowing exactly what he was talking about. He had never done something like this before. He felt cold again.

Seungmin snarled a little at him but quickly let it go when he heard cursing and the sound of stumbling feet in the corridors once again, "Let me go," and "I can walk by myself," echoing between the walls. He knew that it was Hyunjin. He would have recognized that voice and those mutters from a mile away. _Hyunjin_. Seungmin took a shaky breath when the man opened a door and suddenly they were in a rectangular room that was divided by some sort of glass and wooden benches along with chairs on either sides of it. There weren't many people there. Four of them, actually. They were talking with all kinds of people. Some of them looked sad and a red haired woman with a large baby stomach was crying together with the man on another side in an orange overall. Seungmin could only assume that he was the father. He didn't want to eavesdrop.

The police were reminding him of the things that he must not need to say and do while talking with the prisoner.

Seungmin just nodded. He didn't really hear anything when the large double doors on the other side opened and Hyunjin was led in, his expression just as blank as Seungmin's with his hair starting to grow back after it had been cut off. Seungmin was happy that he at least could see those dark locks and mole under his eye. His cheeks were rosy and he looked stern, looking up at Seungmin who was staring back. The furious of his face had suddenly disappear when their eyes met. A woman spoke to Hyunjin, the same things as the police said to Seungmin, probably. He didn't seem to listen, Seungmin watching when he reached for the white phone on his side. It took him a moment to understand that he was supposed to do the same thing. He moved his chair closer to the wooden desk and took his own phone with a shaky hand, staring at Hyunjin through the glass. It took them both a minute or two to figure out that they were allowed to talk, Hyunjin being the first to break the silence.

"Hey." he greeted.

"Hi." Seungmin responded. Silence again, Seungmin didn't move, at all. He just did nothing but to stare at the guy in front of him.

"How's....How's everything? Are you doing good?" Hyunjin asked softly. It sounds genuine, he could listen to that all day.

"Ah, yeah."

"Yeah." Hyunjin cleared his throat. He looked so goddamn awful that Seungmin could barely even look at him. He had gotten thinner and paler, sharp eyes now looking dead.

Hyunjin felt like sinking down in his seat at the feeling of his best friend watching him. His handcuffs looked tight on his wrists even though they had gotten narrower. Seungmin felt a lump in his throat that he had felt so much more after he had left Hyunjin. The older boy just sat and stare there while Seungmin turned away and glance at his feet, trying to think of something to say. He still wanted so many answers, yet he only had few minutes remaining.This wasn't going like he had planned.

Still with a blank expression, Seungmin turned back to Hyunjin. He was now staring down and shaking just as much as Seungmin was. His mouth kept opening and closing as if he wanted to say something, but every time he tried it was like someone held him back. He choked and cleared his throat, and Seungmin whimpered into the phone.

"You're so thin." Hyunjin whispered just when Seungmin was about to say the same.

"You too." he replied, wanting to bury himself on his hoodies. "Are you even eating regularly?"

"I'm not." Hyunjin confessed, Seungmin seeing the very small twitch that his whole body made. "I can't anymore."

"Why? How long it was since you last eat?" Seungmin asked carefully, getting worried. "You have to take care of yourself, Hyunjin."

"I don't know," Hyunjin shrugged, chuckling nervously. "Four days, maybe."

Seungmin knew that what Hyunjin said was saying the truth. Let's say that he ate four days ago. Maybe he didn't eat for four days before that. Then two days before that. Seungmin felt sick; like he needed to throw up. He knew how horrible he had felt when he hadn't eaten for a week himself. He had survived by eating fruit and had sneaked a can of food up to his room from time to time. It was a wonder that he hadn't grown mad.

"Why did you stop?" Seungmin wondered.

"Because I miss you." Hyunjin replied, his eyes shining. As soon as he said those words, he had to pull off his eyeglass, his hand being placed over his eyes. His hand grew wet within seconds.

He looked up when he heard whimpers and sobs from Hyunjin too, keeping his hand over his mouth as he watched him. Hyunjin didn't hold the phone to his ear anymore, just holding it on his hand as he pressed both of his hands to his eyes. He was shaking and his locks were doing the same, the orange fabric of his overall getting small wet dots all over it. His breath caught in his throat and the horrible sound of it echoed in Seungmin's ear.

"I just wanted an attention, or anything," he said weakly, but Seungmin still heard it. "I didn't want it to turn out like this."

Seungmin stayed quiet, staring at the crying Hyunjin that leaned forward and crossed his arms on the desk, his forehead being placed on his forearms. He sat there for a while and just cried, Seungmin doing the same. But he managed to keep quiet, yet he refused to take the handkerchief that the police gave him. The police man just shrugged, completely untouched by all of this.

"You got my attention when our eyes had first met," Hyunjin said shakily. "And by getting my attention means I wanna get yours too."

Seungmin swallowed, but kept quiet. He would get the answer to all of his questions now, wouldn't he? "You were always giving me these approval every time I needed them." Hyunjin continued, glancing up at Seungmin. Seungmin looked back. "I feel motivated every time you encourage me. You made me feel happy every time I feel down. You made me feel things that I shouldn't felt when we were young. That's why I tried to avoid that feeling.

Seungmin breathed, fingers tightening on his phone.

"But as time passes by I was having a hard time dealing with my feelings," Hyunjin sobbed, wiping his cheeks. "Everything gets worst when I witnessed those application letters of yours. The idea of you leaving made me do things."

Seungmin just listened, playing with a loose string on his hoodie. "So," Hyunjin said softly. "…I did rape you, I took you with me. Everyone knew that we were best friends so I though that it would be less dangerous for everyone to know. You know the rest." Seungmin just watched, he felt his heart twisting from that story of Hyunjin. He stared at the older boy who was trembling and whimpering and crying like he had never done anything else. He calmed down after a few minutes even if he still was sobbing, quietly reaching out and put his palm to that transparent thing between them.

Seungmin wanted to reach his face out and wipe his cheeks dry. The prisoner was silent for many minutes, before he actually got the courage to speak again.

"I love you," he said after a million years, and surprisingly, Seungmin hadn't dropping the phone "I love you so much, Seungmin." That was the statement he wanted to hear from him from the very start. His heart stopped and Seungmin thought that he was going to die for a moment, his tear began flowing again as he chuckled back to him, Hyunjin breaking down right then and there. Hyunjin was smiling and crying at the same time and punched the glass wall that separated them, kicking at the wooden desk. The police officer on Hyunjin's side grabbed him and held him back and two more officers appeared out of nowhere, holding him back too. They started pulling him up from the chair too and Seungmin shook his head, slapping his hand to the wall too.

"We still have five minutes!" he screamed into the phone and apparently they could hear it, stopping for a moment and looked at each other. They both sighed and let go of Hyunjin who immediately took the phone again, stumbling over the chair and fell to his knees. Seungmin moved closer.

"I didn't," Hyunjin panted. "I didn't know that I would fall in love with you either, alright?"

"I don't care," Seungmin cried, glaring at him. "You can't just say things like that and then just leave!"

Hyunjin smiled sadly and laughed, shrugging. "I'm sorry," he said, his fist slamming to the wall. "I'm so sorry, Seungmin."

Seungmin swallowed, drying his own cheeks. "How many years did you get?"

"Fifteen," Hyunjin said, voice cracking. His bottom lip quivered. "For kidnapping, rape and a billion other things that I didn't even listen too."

Seungmin covered his face with his hand again, biting down on his bottom lip so that he wouldn't let a new set of tears fall down his already wet cheeks. "You can't expect me to wait for you for fifteen years." he whimpered. Hyunjin let out a breathy chuckle.

"Try, Seungmin," he begged, Seungmin glancing up when he heard small knocks on the glass. He couldn't help but smile when he saw Hyunjin's hand being flat against it. "Please?"

"Are you seriously expecting me to let go for fifteen years without a single kiss or a single bowl of your horrible salad?"

Hyunjin laughed, looking genuinely happy for the first time in many months. "Try, Seungmin. I beg you to wait for me."

Seungmin sighed, rubbing his eyes. He felt like he was dreaming. He didn't know if it was a happy dream or a nightmare. Both, maybe. "I'll try," he agreed then, looking at him. He smiled a little. "But if I have moved on, then I don't want you to try and get me back, alright?"

Hyunjin nodded, smiling himself. "Alright," he said. "Deal."

Seungmin nodded and licked his lips, looking down on his hand. He really got gotten thin and pale. His mother had asked many times why he looked like he did, but he never had the heart to tell her that he had lost his appetite because of Hyunjin not being there.

"Hey Seungmin," Hyunjin said then, tilting his head. "Do you love me too?"

Seungmin looked up at him, the policeman looked impatient, but he didn't care at all. He must have passed the last couple of minutes of their half an hour. He felt happy. Loved. Contented. Needed. _Everything._ "Yeah," he nodded, giving Hyunjin the smile that he couldn't afford to lose. He hadn't even noticed that he had sunk to the floor.

Hyunjin smiled, looking away for a second or two, and then up to Seungmin again. All his color seemed to come back. Seungmin was sick. He wasn't supposed to, but he did. Hyunjin loved him, and Seungmin loved him too. That was all that matters now.

"I want to kiss you." Hyunjin said, Seungmin laughing softly. If they weren't at the prison right now, he would slap the shit out of him, protesting how flirty he was at him. He couldn't wait to be with Hyunjin once again.

"Sorry," he simply said. "Maybe next time."

Seungmin had to leave exactly three minutes later. Anyone that had gone through the same thing would have cried and screamed, but Seungmin didn't. He knew that Hyunjin wanted him just as much as Seungmin wanted him. He smiled, crossing his arms across his chest. He had promised Hyunjin to try, so that was the least he could do. He promised him to visit from time to time too, even if it wouldn't be every day. That, too, was something that Hyunjin felt was his responsibility.

-

The sun was shining when he got out again, moving his jacket a little on his shoulders. It was warm outside even if it was a little cloudy, Seungmin taking a deep breath. "Excuse me?" Seungmin blinked as he turned his head to look down the opened door, eyes falling on a very beautiful woman, a white, uniform gown on her body along with a heels on her feet. Seungmin swallowed, immediately getting intimidated by her presence.

"You're Mister Kim Seungmin, right?" she asked, tilting her head a little. He smiled. "The one that Mister Hwang Hyunjin took away?"

"Yeah," Seungmin said, eyebrows furrowing. 

"Please do take a seat," she offered before sitting, which Seungmin actually did.

Seungmin watched as the psychiatrist in front of him fixing the papers on her table, looking for something until she had find it. "We're already done at the interview, he had been complaining about how he didn't want to be alone and to get left behind." Seungmin tilted his own head. Hyunjin had told him the same thing, how he wanted not to be alone. How he had done bad things because of it. Seungmin was happy that someone had kept contact with him through this time.

"He has autophobia, you see," she said, her gaze was on the paper. "Not many people take it seriously, but I believe that it's a real _sickness_. He wouldn't have gotten so extreme if he was just making it up. It is the fear of being alone and lonely. Being alone, even in a usually comforting place like home, can result in severe anxiety for people with this condition. People with autophobia need another person or other people around in order to feel safe. In his case, he didn't want to get left behind by a friend or by the important person on his life, making him do things illegally."

Seungmin nodded, fiddling his fingers as he listened. "He quite likes you, you know," the psychiatrist said like their age didn't have a huge gap, then, smiling at him. "Without you he probably would have been dead."

"Dead?" Seungmin asked suddenly. She nodded.

"Yes," she said. "I assume that you knew that he was using drugs before." she said, smiling sadly. "If you really didn't told him that you were leaving him, he probably wouldn't stop using those, his life might put in to risk."

They talk some random things about Hyunjin in the small matter of minutes. Seungmin swallowed and looked down at the steps after having contact with Hyunjin's psychiatrist. He kept on saying thank yous to her and the psychiatrist would only answer "No problem". She gave him a handshake and said a small "Bye," before walking back to her office. Hyunjin was getting better. That was what was important.

-

The thing about the whole fifteen years was that technically, Seungmin didn't think of Hyunjin that much as of now. It took him three years to go to the other country, specifically to L.A, to continue pursuing his dreams there. He became a director of a new founded children's choir who were working at a church. He didn't expected to had a job like this to be honest. For him, children's choirs create lifelong magical musical memories. But it's not just memories that you're creating when you have a children's choir; it's a whole lot more.

He had dated two women as well. First was Samantha, who was a nursery teacher. They do both love children and she was loving and caring and even funny, but still, even if Seungmin liked her a lot, he wasn't happy. They were together for about two years before she had enough of him and simply left, and Seungmin didn't cry a single tear.

Then there was Yui, the pianist of the choir. Seungmin and Yui were good friends, they have many things in common, but that doesn't mean they'll gonna work out until the end. They only lasted for three months as they decided to broke up, they both wanted to be just friends so that their relationship wouldn't destroy. They were solid, but nothing could compare how solid his feelings were for Hyunjin. Hyunjin would always have a special spot on Seungmin's heart. He had taken care of him like no one else ever had, even the world was playing with them. They were strong, and it will always be the two of them, not them being best friends, but them being as one despite of what happened to their lives.

It was on the 22nd of September when Seungmin was practicing with the children, he was celebrating his birthday with them to be exact. There were no special gathering that time, it was just an ordinary day for them to practice.

But that was just he thought when Mary gave him a flower crown, greeting him a "happy birthday, Seungmin!". He let out a happy and soft "thank you" as he ruffled the kid's hair. Just when he thought that it was the only thing that he could get from his birthday, well, he's kinda mistaken.

After their practice, the children immediately ran out of their practice room. The only people remaining there was him and Yui. Yui was keeping her keyboard on the bag when Seungmin helped her.

"Ahhh, as expected from the kids, the only thing that kept running on their minds was to go home." Seungmin opened up.

"I know right, there's nothing new with that though." Yui responded, Seungmin holds the bag of keyboard and she only let out a soft 'thank you.'

"So, do you had any plans for tonight?" Yui teases as they started to walk out of the room.

"Hmm. Nothing much, just gonna call my sister and parents and friends. That's it."

"Including Hyunjin?" 

Seungmin smiled gladly. "Including Hyunji–"

" Happy birthday Seungmin!"

Seungmin jolted at the sound of popping confetti in front of him. He stared at everyone who was outside the field. The kids were still there, and they lined up side to side and front to front like they was giving him a warm welcome or something. Anna, one of the children holds his hand and brought him outside, there's a lot of roses confetti on his way, there were lights around. And he wish he could have a camera right now, not when he remembered that he has a new phone. He get it from his pocket as soon as the children had started to form formation in front of him. Surprisingly, they started to sing like an angels coming from above.

They sang him the song "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran and he couldn't help but to get teary eyed for hearing the innocent voice of the children. He felt so proud to have them on his life, they are such a huge blessing.

"Don't cry yet, Seungmin! We still have one surprise for you!" Anna stated as she held Seungmin's hand.

"Really? What is it, then?"

Seungmin was just looking down at Anna with a smile when he noticed a pair of shoes coming closer to him. He curiously looked up at him then too, and couldn't say a word for the few seconds that it took him to see who it was, staring at the man with the long, brown hair and sharp eyes that was standing in front of him, he was holding a cake and gifts and he was smiling.

"Happy birthday, Seungs." the man said, and Seungmin was happy for the first time in a long, long time, even if he started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @strayeffects


	4. four. (epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read it for yourself. grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I ADDED ANOTHER CHAPTER AKDDJDJJDJD. Here's the epilogue everyone 😳
> 
> Again, thanks to all my readers for taking a look at this and for my friends for encouraging me to keep going. Love you all!
> 
> SMUT ALERT!!!! You've been warned!

It was his and Seungmin's mother's idea, in the end. The first thing that Hyunjin did was to visit Seungmin's parents once he get out of the prison. That was the first thing that he planned on doing so that he could sincerely apologize for all the things that he had done to their son. The tension was there at first, of course. But surprisingly for Hyunjin, Seungmin's parents had accepted it wholeheartedly, telling many series of "We had forgiven you.", "I'm happy that you're finally out of the prison." and many more. He had been able to spend many moments with them and he could say that he's beyond happy for that. He didn't expected those such things would happen though.

After his visit to Seungmin's parents, he called for Seungmin's sister over the phone after weeks of bouncing ideas around in his head of what to get Seungmin for his upcoming birthday. You could say that they have gotten close since she visited him on the prison many times, telling what Seungmin are up to during those times.

"The answer is obvious, Hyunjin," she had said with a sigh only a sister could pull off.

"What is it?"

"Give him what he wants the most. Not a necklace or a blanket, or a really nice watch. He wants _you,_ dear. He only ever wants you. And you only ever want him, too."

So, really, it had been that simple. Hyunjin had ending up buying Seungmin hoodies and soft clothes that really suits him and even bought himself a trip ticket to where Seungmin lives in L.A. Hyunjin felt a little cheap though since they were only just above 120,000 won. He get the money from the job that he had been applied to, particularly on a famous dance studio and dance school. He knows that the monetary value doesn't mean anything to Seungmin, but for humor and endearment, Hyunjin had bought Seungmin a necklace as well, with a silver pendant of a paper airplane.

When the day came, Hyunjin had arrived to the airport a half hour early because he couldn't wait at his flat any longer. When Hyunjin's flight landed he took a tour nervously by the gates where Seungmin is working, palms sweating and feet bouncing. It didn't took a long time when he decided to buy a cake for his best friend that he hadn't see for a very, very long time. This should be special, especially that today was his birthday. 

-

He couldn't even describe what it was like to see Seungmin's face from far away.

The love, the admiration, the warmth that spread through his body like fire, making him red all over, his eyes never leaving his. He just stares with the fast beating of his heart as Seungmin watches the children, and few minutes had passed he hadn't known he was walking slowly, his feet bringing him closer and closer until his and Seungmin's eyes had met. _Fucking finally._

They had taken a few moments just to _look_ at each other. It was different seeing Seungmin in person after fifteen fucking years – better. _No_. It was the best feeling. There were some things that are so easy to miss when imagining at someone all the time. Hyunjin had forgotten the light dusting of Seungmin's face had, how cute and white his canine teeth look when he smiles, how beautiful his eyes are.

Seungmin, on the other hand, couldn't fucking believe it. 

He has gotten used to it, Hyunjin being without him. At first it was hard, it was almost impossible.

When he started living here at Los Angeles, the law was enforced, some people were outraged, but most were in favor of trying. Everyone had forgotten what it meant to truly speak to one another, to stare into each other's eyes. All anybody ever did was talk, talk, talk, without listening, not even caring to one's own words.

Furthermore, the mute had no way to communicate with the rest of the world anymore, because looking up had become such a rarity that nobody, no nothing, was seen anymore.

So when it was decided that nobody was to speak more than one hundred and sixty-seven words per day, it was not easy. Regardless, it was efficient, exhilarating, life changing.

At least most of the time.

  
  
People started looking into each other's eyes more, communicating with their whole body, and they began to learn more about each other than they ever knew existed.

Now, there is no more chit-chat, no words left on meaningless hello's and goodbye's.

It is a crazy concept, but it is working. Most people are happy.

  
  
Seungmin is not dissatisfied, either. Every single word he speaks holds so much more meaning now; every time he hears someone speak he listens with rapt attention. Words are precious, they are a gift, a present you give someone who is truly important to you, and who values them in turn.

  
  
Like Hyunjin.

  
  
If it were up to Seungmin, he would use every single one of his one hundred and sixty-seven words on Hyunjin, every day if he would love to, but sadly, he hadn't because he was far away from him.

  
  
He had been waiting the lonely long period of time that is 5475 days until he can see Hyunjin again, finally staring into those beautiful sharp eyes again, letting his scent seep into his own skin and feeling his breaths rattle with his own body.

  
  
As it is, he had dreamed of it before, of him. And miss Hyunjin. God, he misses him so much. Sometimes he wonders if it is possible to go crazy from all the longing. Maybe he has gone sad already.

But that doesn't matter anymore, the boy that he'd been dreaming for for a long time, was finally here, standing in front of him. That's what matters now.

It had taken all of Seungmin's strength and self-control not to crush Hyunjin's fragile body in a hug, and he slowly but efficiently blew the candles on the cake with his eyes shining and his body shaking. Does he still need to wish for something? He doesn't need that anymore, does he?

Yui had to help Hyunjin by getting the cake on his hand, and as soon as the object disappeared on his sight, he immediately hugged his best friend after _many_ many years without any police stopping them and without any glass intercepting them. It's finally the two of them. Seungmin cried silently within Hyunjin's arms. Hyunjin brushes his palms onto the younger boy's soft hair and back with his eyes getting teary up. He looked up at the children and Yui with his teary eyes, and he just gave them a smile and thumbs up, which made the children giggles, Yui couldn't help but to wipe the single tear that had fallen from her eye with a smile. Seungmin and Hyunjin hugged each other tight like there was no tomorrow.

But this time, a bright tomorrow will come on to them.

Which brings them to where they are now.

Seungmin's flat is right on the outskirts of Los Angeles. It's not that tiny and doesn't look cheap, it was comfortable and homey, and they would sleep on a bed for two as one as they were with each other. 

Seungmin's mother had once told Hyunjin that it was foolish to make big decisions with someone other than himself in mind. But fact of the matter is, Seungmin is a big person in his life, not just big person, it was beyond that. In fact, Hyunjin would consider it foolish to _not_ make a big decision with Seungmin in mind.

But there's plenty of time for sentiments later. Just home from the airport, Hyunjin barely has time to drop his bags in Seungmin's living room before he spins around and grabs Seungmin around the waist, pinning him to the wall and kissing him messily. He sweeps his tongue against the warm, dry skin of Seungmin's lips, causing him to part them with a gasp. As Seungmin opens his mouth, Hyunjin presses his advantage, slipping his tongue into the soft, wet depths and coiling it against Seungmin's. He slides his hands down Seungmin's back, slipping his hands into the back pockets of his well-fitting jeans. He knew that he shouldn't be feeling aggressive here right now since he was just sleeping over at Seungmin's flat, but that doesn't matter anymore, what matters is Seungmin, his Seungmin. Seungmin laughs and pulls away.

"Easy there, Hyunj. You just got here."

"Mmhm," Hyunjin hums, obviously didn't gave a damn on what he had stated, as he rubbed his cheek against Seungmin's and dipping his head to run his lips along Seungmin's jaw which smells like just _him_. It was the same scent that had been lingering and missing on his nostrils for many years. "You can't blame me, Baby." he whispered. "I just – _missed_ you. A lot, and, I need you right now." Hyunjin leans in and presses wet and hungry kisses to Seungmin's jaw again. Seungmin had to closed his eyes at the feeling. "Nearly forgot how beautiful you are," Hyunjin chuckles, his breath warm against Seungmin's cheek. "Could never really forget, though."

Hyunjin steps back, taking in the soft, curvy figure of Seungmin in his jeans and nice button down, topped off with his yellow long sleeve. His eyes glow bright against the dark accessory, and Hyunjin smiles softly. He wasn't wearing a glass anymore. And God, he just looks mature, and more handsome too. Wistfully, he pulls away from Seungmin, and grabs his hand, leading him into the only bedroom. He sits on the corner of the bed, holding Seungmin's hand out.

Smiling, Seungmin follows, but makes no move to sit. He stands in the space between Hyunjin's legs, his eyes shimmering with mischief and arousal and longing. Hyunjin didn't know what Seungmin feels right at this moment, but all he knows is that he himself swallows thickly and wraps his hands around Seungmin's hips, eyes intensely drifting over Seungmin's puppy eyes once more.

"I missed you." Hyunjin says slowly, his face now leaning up on Seungmin's clothed chest so that he could kiss him there, Seungmin reaching out his own hand and placing it on Hyunjin's shoulder. "And I knew you feel the same."

Seungmin gulps for the hundred time, his throat getting drier and his pants getting even tighter. He could feel Hyunjin's lips now on his exposed collarbone, his leg being squatted and his hands gripping dead tight on the younger's hips. Hyunjin soon let go of the younger's hips and shrugs out of his beat up coat jacket, letting it fall onto the bed behind him. Smiling gently, Seungmin leans forward, placing his fingers lightly on Hyunjin's temples before dragging them through his locks. Hyunjin's eyes flit from Seungmin's collarbone to his eyes until he realizes what a loving expression Seungmin is wearing, and is hit with the feeling of how much he misses Seungmin when he's at the prison. He was already in front of him, yet he was still misses him. It's one thing, imagining his face every day and thinking about his hands on him, but now, knowing that Seungmin is here, and is really his… Hyunjin's throat close up in the best of ways. He closes his eyes and sighs.

"Let's get you more comfortable..." Seungmin's voice was low and rough, the drawl and gravel brought out further by his arousal. Seungmin run his fingers lightly down the side of Hyunjin's face, over his jugular, across his collarbones. Hyunjin feels like sitting down at the bed comfortably at the touch. Oh God, he misses this, he misses _him_ so much.

Seungmin leans down on him, close enough that Hyunjin can feel the warm breath on his throat. He runs his tongue along the exposed edge of Hyunjin's neck, causing Hyunjin to inhale deeply through his nose. Hyunjin shifts, wrapping one hand around Seungmin's waist and fumbling blindly, running over his hip, his lower back, his ass. With a gentle, negative hum, Seungmin pulls Hyunjin's hand away, placing it solidly back on the bed.

"Not yet, Hyunj."

Hyunjin lets his head fall backwards with a silent groan, wondering how Seungmin can be so patient after years without seeing and touching each other. His cock aches, he can feel a trickle of sweat dripping down his back, and his breath is already coming in ragged pants. Seungmin has him at his mercy, and they're both still mostly dressed.

As if reading Hyunjin's mind, Seungmin steps away and undoes the buckle on his belt. He tosses the belt onto a nearby chair before methodically begins undoing the buttons of his long sleeve yellow polo. There's nothing consciously sexual about his movements – no cheesy hip gyrations or coy gestures – just the clean, simple efficiency of Seungmin getting undressed, and it drives Hyunjin absolutely wild. He clutches the coverlet beneath him in an effort to keep his hands off Seungmin.

With Hyunjin's complete attention, Seungmin unbuttons his upper clothes quickly, his nimble fingers working fast and with purpose. He gets all the way down and opens the cloth, shrugging it off his shoulders like it weighs a lot. He just makes eye contact with Hyunjin as he takes it off all the way, and Hyunjin tightens his grip on the sheets in an effort to prevent himself from slipping into his pants and desperately fisting his cock.

Within in an instant Seungmin is back on track, moving quickly to stand between Hyunjin's still splayed legs. Hyunjin didn't know if the younger was teasing him or something, but Seungmin looks like pulling the whole strip-tease off better than any trained exotic dancer Hyunjin has ever seen. His mind shoots back to that fleeting memory, back in their high school years, the first time he'd seen Seungmin dancing sexily just for their P.E project, the pull to watch him had been nearly the same. He's just so effortlessly sexy, so confident like it was being _reserved_. He didn't know, maybe it was just resulted from fifteen years of them not being together. Hyunjin's cock twitches again, trapped under layers of clothing, and he groans softly.

Unable to stop himself, Hyunjin reaches up and traces the soft skin of Seungmin's chest and abs with his fingertip. Seungmin gasps quietly and makes no move to stop him. Eventually Hyunjin's reaches Seungmin's waistband and hooks his fingers around one loose, belt wrapping around his pants, tugging carefully and pulling Seungmin down nearly on top of him. Hyunjin smiles, rocking his groin against Seungmin's thigh.

As Seungmin settles on Hyunjin's lap, his hands slip under Hyunjin's t-shirt long enough to grab the hem and slowly begin lifting it upwards and off Hyunjin's body. Hyunjin can hear him humming quietly, the rhythm blending in with his steady movements. Hyunjin licks his lower lip, staring up at the love of his life for 32 years. Seungmin smiles down at him, still humming under his breath. It takes a moment before Hyunjin realizes what he's humming.

_Can't Help Falling In Love With You._

Hyunjin shivers, and it has something to do with the side of Seungmin who is gorgeous, at the same time predatory, half-naked on his lap, and everything to do with the quiet, fiercely vulnerable, incredibly touching side of Seungmin who seems confessing his love all over, reinforcing the fact that even though they're miles away for so many years, this is what it's like to truly be in love. The bond they'd created years ago, broken down, and built up all over again. Hyunjin gasps, overcome with love for the beautiful boy in front of him, and runs his hands up Seungmin's bare back. Seungmin smiles, still humming, and Hyunjin knows it wouldn't be worth it to try to disguise his emotional outburst as lust. They really know each other too by well.

Seungmin stops humming, one hand wrapped around Hyunjin's neck, the other tucked into the waist of Hyunjin's black jeans. He leans in close, pressing his cheek against Hyunjin's, and whispers, "I miss you too, Hyunjin."

As Seungmin pulls away, he gracelessly throws Hyunjin's final upper clothing across the room and onto the floor. Hyunjin sighs in contentment, wrapping his hands around Seungmin's waist, thumbs stroking the bare skin just above his waistband, and tugs, trying to pull Seungmin down on top of him. Seungmin clicked his tongue in amusement but holds his place.

"Never said I was done. Be patient."

Hyunjin nearly stares at him with amusement but in another smooth and fluid movement, Seungmin pulls away and stands in front of them. With a confident smile, he undoes the fly of his jeans and tugs them down, letting them fall to the floor. At some point he'd managed to slide out of his shoes, and Hyunjin hadn't even noticed. He shakes his head, trying to clear it, but the sight of Seungmin standing in front of him in nothing but a pair of black boxer-briefs, distorted by an erection to rival Hyunjin's own, proves too much to bear. He bites his lip and falls back onto the bed and is about to undo his own jeans when Seungmin pushes his hands out of the way. Where did he get _this_ kind of confidence while he was gone?

Hyunjin clicked his tongue and gently wraps his broad hands around Seungmin's wrists, pinning his arms to the bed. Startled, Seungmin gasps again and makes an unconvincing show of trying to free himself.

"Stop teasing me, Seungminnie." Hyunjin mutters with a smirk. "Don't test my patience, just let yourself out and give your _everything_ to me." Hyunjin dips his head and pressing his mouth to Seungmin's. It's soft and hot under his lips, and he lets out a quiet moan against Seungmin's skin.

Still looming over Seungmin's body, Hyunjin begins slowly working his way downwards. He drags his teeth over Seungmin's collarbone, making him gasp, and kisses the fine dusting of sweat across his chest. Seungmin moans softly as Hyunjin kisses and licks his way to one nipple, flicking his tongue over it as Seungmin mewls below him.

Hyunjin continues kissing and nipping his way down Seungmin's abdomen before burying his hand in the trail of dark hair leading into Seungmin's underwear. He can feel the wetness of Seungmin's arousal, feel the heat emanating off his groin against his palm. He caresses the tip of Seungmin's cock through the cotton of his boxer-briefs, thoroughly sliding his finger on the slit, Seungmin gasps and shudders, thrusting his hips into the air, seeking more friction than Hyunjin was willing to give him just yet.

Hyunjin shifts his weight slightly, settling beside Seungmin while his hand working down there. Trembling with need, Seungmin wrapped an arm around Hyunjin's nape, carding his fingers through Hyunjin's locks, tugging none-too-gently, and Hyunjin smirks.

"Someone's got a temper..."

"Shut up." Seungmin's voice was hoarse already, coated with arousal. His face was blushing, and the bangs of his hair was starting to get wet.

Hyunjin leans down with a smile and kisses Seungmin's lips before reaching down and undoes his pants and shoving them down his thighs. The lessened pressure is a huge relief, and Hyunjin sighs heavily, his exhalation ghosting over the moving chest of Seungmin's. He shimmies clumsily out of his pants, kicking them off and letting them fall to the floor at the foot of the bed. Seungmin has always been more graceful than he is.

Slowly, Hyunjin frees Seungmin from his boxer-briefs. Seungmin's cock pulls away from his body, and Hyunjin runs his tongue across his lower lip in anticipation. He shifts down to the floor, moaning as his own throbbing erection grinds against the comforter. There'll be time enough for himself later. Right now is all about Seungmin. _His Seungmin_. He wants to gave the attention that Seungmin didn't have when he was at the prison. Hyunjin rolls the phrase around in his head a couple of more times, his heart suddenly thumping erratically. He hadn't done this with everyone while he was gone, right?

Unable to restrain himself any longer, he reaches out and wraps one hand around the thick base of Seungmin's cock, bringing the head to his lips. His tongue darts out, lapping up the slick fluid already pooling at the head. Seungmin gasps, and Hyunjin can feel the tension in his muscles as he tries not to move. He rests his free hand on Seungmin's hip, fingers stroking gently, soothing him and encouraging him to relax.

Hyunjin feels Seungmin's fingers weaving through his hair again, tugging his locks more gently now. He moans around the head of Seungmin's cock, making Seungmin whimper softly. Hyunjin purses his lips, forming a tight ring around the shaft and bobs his head a few times, loving the heavy weight of Seungmin's cock on his tongue. The head reaches the back of his throat and Hyunjin swallows, relaxing his throat and taking Seungmin in deeply. He rolls his tongue along the underside of Seungmin's cock and feels Seungmin buck under him.

As Hyunjin continues sucking, tracing the veins with his tongue and stroking the shaft with his lips, he lets go of Seungmin's hip. He reaches out and fumbles around until he decided to ask. "Do you have a lube, Pup?" his attention and focus never once leaving Seungmin's cock.

Seungmin had to look down with his half lidded eyes. "No–" he whined, obviously wanting more friction from the older. Hyunjin bit his lip, this will going to be a long ass ride. He decided to spit on his free hand and slicks up his fingers, reaching up to trace around the base of Seungmin's erection, stroking Seungmin carefully as he makes his way to Seungmin's hole.

Seungmin lets out a low, steady moan that causes Hyunjin to grin around the cock in his mouth. Taking the sound as encouragement, Hyunjin sucks harder, rolling the tip of his tongue around the crown of Seungmin's cock as he traces his fingers around the tight pucker of Seungmin's hole. He can feel Seungmin's muscles trembling in anticipation. Gently but steadily, he presses on the muscle as he flicks his tongue over the head of Seungmin's cock, lapping at the slit. Hyunjin feels Seungmin's muscles relaxing, and he slips a fingers in slowly; it's no secret to Hyunjin that Seungmin didn't finger himself while they're apart – more often than not, Hyunjin could feel it from how tight Seungmin's muscle was. He tried to be gentle and patient just like what he did when they first made love, it was still the same, but this time, it's hard to scissor his hole open, and Seungmin doesn't cry, he just let out a soft series of 'ahhs.' and curses that sounds like a beautiful melody to his ears. He realizes one thing while doing this, Seungmin is reserving himself for him. After many minutes, he inserts another finger, Hyunjin carefully scissors with his fingers, opening Seungmin up.

He hollows his cheeks and sucks deeply again, taking Seungmin fully into his throat as his fingers curl, seeking out Seungmin's prostate, causing him to finally cry out and sob. Hyunjin feels a rush of warm pre-come flooding his tongue as he slides back up the shaft.

"Aaaahhh– Haaaa–" Seungmin is trying his best to form coherent words, but Hyunjin is merciless, rolling his fingertips over the rough gland as his tongue continues teasing and pulling at Seungmin's shaft.

"If you..." Seungmin manages to pant out. "If you don't... stop– I'm... I'm gonna..." With a whine and a roll of his hips, he tugs hard at Hyunjin's hair. His intended message is clear, and it just spurs Hyunjin on further. He brings his free hand up to wrap around the base of Seungmin's erection, focusing all his attention on the head, tongue circling it as he continues thrusting his fingers in and out of the tight heat of Seungmin's hole. Hyunjin's own neglected cock aches, twitching with every thrust of his fingers. He grinds himself against the bed again, trying to calm himself. It won't take much now, and both of them know it.

With short, tight jerks of his hand, Hyunjin jacks Seungmin off, his fingers brushing against his own lips every once in a while. He feels Seungmin's cock twitching, getting even harder against his tongue, and he hums encouragingly. That's all it takes to push Seungmin over the edge, and within seconds he's coming in steady pulses, coating Hyunjin's tongue and tightening around his fingers. Hyunjin's vaguely aware of Seungmin cursing and whimpering above him. He curls his tongue again, drawing out the orgasm until Seungmin whines and bats at his head, over-stimulated. Satisfied, Hyunjin slowly pulls his fingers out of Seungmin and releases his cock.

Hyunjin sits up between Seungmin's spread legs and smiles down at him. Seungmin is flushed, glistening with sweat, and panting, but he smiles back impishly.

"How am I suppose to fuck you now?" Seungmin asks, and the way he asks it was truly innocent, there's no evidence of playfulness behind it, and Hyunjin find it absolutely _adorable_. 

"I'm sure we'll find a way later. Right now though, I thought we could do something else." With that, Hyunjin grabs hold of Seungmin thighs and rolls his hips up into the air, nearly pulling Seungmin into his lap. He throws Seungmin's legs over his shoulders as he shifts his weight onto his knees. Seungmin flails slightly, but Hyunjin can tell he's enjoying the manhandling. Despite the orgasm, Seungmin is clearly well on the way to getting hard again already. Hyunjin bends forward as much as he can, folding Seungmin's legs in on himself, and grins. Seungmin leans up off the bed and closes the distance between them, sucking Hyunjin's lower lip into his mouth and kissing him fiercely.

Groaning, Hyunjin finally pulls at his underwear. They cling to him, soaked through with pre-come, and the cold air on his cock is exhilarating as he peels them off and tugs them down his thighs.

"Please..." Seungmin stated like he was trying to imply that Hyunjin should make himself fast, he rolls his hips enticingly and Hyunjin's mesmerized by the motion of his half-hard cock bouncing against his belly as he does this. Hyunjin shakes his head and tries to focus, hand fumbling to slather himself with saliva. Even the touch of his own hand around his cock was electric, and he bites his lip, trying to do it as efficiently as possible. Eventually he's slicked up sufficiently, and presses the head of his cock around Seungmin's loose enough hole.

"Ahhh." Seungmin hisses out, and Hyunjin grips the back of Seungmin's thighs tightly. At this point neither of them have the patience to take things slow anymore, and he slides deeply into Seungmin in one smooth, fluid thrust. Hyunjin gasps as Seungmin's body welcomes him; the world narrows down to the two of them and all the points where their bodies meet.

Hyunjin lets go of Seungmin's thighs, only to have Seungmin wrap them tightly around his hips. The gesture pulls them closer together, drives Hyunjin deeper into Seungmin's body, and with no further build-up, he begins pounding his hips roughly. Hyunjin watches, mesmerized, as his cock disappears into Seungmin over and over again. He looks up and catches Seungmin staring back at him, and redoubles his efforts, slamming his hips in short, sharp bursts. Every time he rocks his body forwards, Seungmin cries out, and Hyunjin can feel his cock coming back to full hardness between their bellies.

"Ahhh.." Seungmin moans with his eyes now shuts close. Hyunjin can feel his orgasm coalescing, pulling his balls tight against him. He grits his teeth, trying to hold it back, and rolls his hips in a way that had the head of his cock brushing against Seungmin's over-stimulated prostate every few thrusts. He feels Seungmin clamping down around him and wraps his hand around Seungmin's cock, pulling roughly. He can't blame himself for being rough at Seungmin. He hadn't seen Seungmin for almost fifteen years, and what's worst is that they didn't meet anymore since Seungmin had started living here at L.A. Hyunjin leans forward, burying his face in Seungmin's throat, dragging his teeth over the skin.

"Fuck yeah, Seungs. Come for me again. Let me feel you." Hyunjin breathes open mouthed against Seungmin's skin. He bites down on the soft skin of Seungmin's throat, tugging on his erection and groaning as he feels Seungmin's muscles contracting, the tight heat around his own cock nearly overwhelming. He bites back a sharp cry, the edges of his vision going dim and fuzzy.

He feels Seungmin's body tense up under him, his back arching up off the mattress and nearly unseating Hyunjin. Then he feels the warm, wet pulses of Seungmin's orgasm flowing between them, spilling out over his hand and splattering both their bellies. It's Seungmin crying out that drives Hyunjin over the edge and he finally lets go, his hips juddering violently against Seungmin's ass as he climaxes, pulsing deep inside and claiming him all over again.

Hyunjin grips the sheets, rolling his hips slowly as he runs his thumb over the head of Seungmin's cock, trying to prolong it as much as possible for the both of them. Eventually Seungmin lets out a quiet little gasp and shudders, and with a sigh Hyunjin lets go and slowly pulls out. Seungmin simply lays there, flopped out on his back, covered in come and sweat, a blissful look on his face as he starts smiling. Hyunjin reaches out and strokes his cheek, smiling also. Seungmin's shoulders shake, his eyes are closed but he turns his head towards Hyunjin anyway.

"Why are you smiling?" Seungmin asked.

"I just love you a lot, you know?" Hyunjin whispered and leans over, brushing his lips against Seungmin's forehead.

"I know."

"I mean," Hyunjin adjusted his position on the bed, and Seungmin shifts upwards, elbow wrapped around his covered legs as he leans his cheek on his arm. He just looked at Hyunjin with a slight mesmerized on his face. "I really, _really_ love you – and I want to give you your birthday present, if that's alright."

Seungmin nods without saying a word, letting Hyunjin go so he can lean over the bed and rummage through their discarded clothes on the floor.

"I put your gift in your pocket," Hyunjin explains as he sits back up with Seungmin's jeans in his hands. "I had a feeling we would get to the bedroom sooner than my suitcases would." He says it with playfulness, but there's an undertone of fond that Seungmin couldn't miss if he tried.

Hyunjin could see how Seungmin stops at what he had seen. It was the paper airplane that he had bought last time. Hyunjin had told him to open the box right away. There had been smile, there had been joy, and there had been the promise that it was still him until the very end. "I'm sorry if that's the only thing I could afford to buy. I've been focusing on going here from the very start. But I bought you some gifts too, it's just hassle if we–"

"Are you serious?" Seungmin asked with a smile on his face. "You don't have to buy me everything Hyunj. You are _enough._ You're more than enough for me."

Hyunjin couldn't help but to cup Seungmin's cheeks and kissed his lips lovingly. He can't find a word to say at this moment. Whatever Seungmin had stated was enough. He was beyond happy with that to be honest.

"Hyunj, calm down–" Seungmin pulls away before laughing, his hand holding Hyunjin's. "I also have a gift for you. It was in my pocket too."

Hyunjin's eyebrows had furrowed, he began clutching Seungmin's pocket, trying to find the gift. When he felt a hard thing on the other side of his pocket, his heart nearly stops.

He just pulls out a ring box.

Hyunjin's mouth falls open and Seungmin blushes, "Open it." Seungmin says slowly.

Hyunjin looks back and forth from Seungmin to the velvet box, before opening it slowly. The ring is beautiful, a clean and shiny silver band with a stripe of black going through the middle.

"It's a promise ring," Seungmin explains quietly. "It's both for the things I can promise you," he pauses, his hands wringing together as he looks at Hyunjin nervously, "and the things I can't."

Seeing that Seungmin is unsettled, Hyunjin slips the ring on the appropriate finger before leaning over and cupping Seungmin's face once again, kissing him quickly.

"I can't promise that I'll be there for you always. I can't promise that I can be there to tell you when you have food in your teeth, or gunk in your eye. I can't promise that I'll draw together with you again, I can't promise to be there to help you move something heavy around. I can't promise that you'll always be able to rely on me, that I'll always be on call when you need me." Seungmin closes his eyes for a second and swallows. When he opens them again, Hyunjin is momentarily shocked by how bright they are. "But I can promise that I want them to be."

"And you will be, eventually." Hyunjin says encouragingly.

"But just in case I'm not," Seungmin says quietly, his voice a hoarse whisper. "I want you to know that I will never will stop wanting that. And I will always love you, no matter what happens to us in the future. Alright?"

If Hyunjin looks hard enough, he can see tears start to shine in Seungmin's eyes, and Hyunjin's not much better. He swallows the feeling that this is Seungmin's way of trying to part ways with him because it's _not,_ it's so obviously not – but Hyunjin opens his mouth to protest, to persist the belief that _no, they will always be with each other,_ but Seungmin cuts him off, because that's just his point.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you get to be with them.

Love isn't a questionable factor in their relationship. The bond they've created and shared over the past few years together is something that Hyunjin is quite positive he will never be able to build with anyone else ever again, and he has no doubt that Seungmin feels the same. But sometimes life makes things difficult, and this is Seungmin's way of making Hyunjin know that it will never be his decision to leave. Not now, when they passed through many obstacles together and here they are now, reuniting as one, not being as best friends or enemies but as lovers, but as each other's companion.

"Alright?" Seungmin asks again, more stern this time.

Hyunjin has always thought that you see images flashing in the front of your mind at such an alarming speed it makes you dizzy when you die, but apparently it happens when you fall in love, too. The first time they meet, the first time they kiss, the first time they have sex. The time he and Hyunjin cried for hours together through the telephone because Hyunjin accepted that he will sending his fifteen years at the prison.It's all there, and it will always be there.

"Alright." Hyunjin says, his voice shaking. "Alright. I love you."

"I love you too." Seungmin seems satisfied and reaches up to wipe the tears flowing on Hyunjin's cheeks before covering Hyunjin's hand with his own. He sniffles a bit before smiling again, quickly regaining his wit. "But just in case we do make it, I want our kids to be named either Seungjin or Jin Ae."

Hyunjin curls his eyes out in a laugh before scooting even closer to Seungmin and kissing him slow a deep. "You want to be fucked again so badly, don't you?"

Seungmin didn't say a word and just kisses him again.

-

It was a 'top of the world' sort of feeling. Waking up next to him felt so different now that he had the delicate band around his finger. For the first time as his true missus, Hyunjin could just lay there and watch him sleep, feeling blissful and warm. To say his heart was happy was an understatement. Seungmin had become such a wonderful part of his life over the years of him living on this earth, and when Seungmin exchanged his vows the day before, something in Hyunjin just felt so right. Just like it should. It was been Seungmin from the start, and he will always be.

During the night, the two of them had rolled their separate ways, but Hyunjin wanted to be close to him again. Without disturbing his peaceful slumber, he rolled against his side and dropped his cheek against his shoulder. He still smelt of the cologne he had worn the night before, his hair still sticky with the gel that had held it in place. To be fair, the two of them were beyond exhausted and had just done the bare minimum to clean up before passing out in Seungmin's hotel room. Smudged mascara crusted under Hyunjin's eyes and his lips were still stained with the soft pink from their mixed lipstick.

Hyunjin's eyes closed once again, and he took a deep breath to try and fall back asleep. There was nothing for him to do today other than catch a flight in the early evening. He had more than enough time to just… be.

Seungmin began to stir beside him, the arm Hyunjin were resting on pulling out from under him to go lazily around his shoulders. Hyunjin couldn't help but smile. Seungmin's eyes remained closed, but Seungmin had a grip on him, bringing the older boy closer into him. Resting a hand on his stomach, the two of them both took a deep breath at the same time, the younger boy's eyes finally opening.

"Morning." he whispered out, not yet finding his voice.

"Morning…" Hyunjin grinned.

"Can't believe I'm not dreaming…" Seungmin hummed out, his fist rubbing his morning eyes. "Thought I was gonna wake up and be alone…"

Hyunjin's head lifted from its place on his shoulder. "Well this is far from a dream… I'm all real." he giggled, scrunching up his face.

Seungmin completely opened his eyes and looked at the older in front of him. He cupped his cheek and they stared like that for a moment. "You're definitely all real…" he finally responded after a million of years.

Hyunjin smirked and let the hand that had been on Seungmin's waist drag down to rest just above his bum. 

Seungmin cocked an eyebrow at him and had to look away from his husband. "I think I'm gonna go and have a shower." he said, changing the subject. He's getting shy at the contact, he actually always will. And Hyunjin always find it _adorable_.

Just as he were about to roll away from him, Hyunjin caught his wrist and pulled Seungmin back down into him. Without a word, he closed the space between the two of them and kissed the younger, neither of them giving one shit about morning breath. Seungmin melted into it pretty quick, uncurling his fist to press his hand against Hyunjin's chest firmly. Hyunjin moved his lips with Seungmin's slowly, savouring every bit of contact he had with Seungmin. The younger boy's fingers slowly curled against the cotton t-shirt he was wearing, bunching up the material as things just seemed to deepen. Seungmin were hovered over him, but Hyunjin still had full control, and Seungmin had no problem handing it over. He was the more dominant between them all through the years though.

Seungmin slowly sat himself up, managing to keep the kiss intact as Hyunjin laid him down and took Seungmin's place on top. One of his hands snuck under the material of Seungmin's tank top and rested against his bare skin. Everything about him was so warm, except his hands. Goosebumps immediately shot up his arms. Seungmin lifted his hands up and cupped Hyunjin's jaw gently, lifting his head up off of the pillow to get more of him. God, he wanted more.

The kiss broke and the two of them could just stare at each other and catch their breath. It was hard not to get lost in each other, even after more than a few years of dating (they started dating after Seungmin's, you could feel lucky knowing that his relationship with Hyunjin, despite its ups and downs, had been steadily strong and happy.

His calloused fingers danced gently along Seungmin's hips, playing with the waistband of his black boxer. "Just take them off…" Seungmin whispered out, his fingers gently running down Hyunjin's cheeks.

His fingers curled around the band and started to tug them down the younger's legs. Seungmin lifted his hips up to make his job a little easier and dropped his hands down to his sides. The pads of his fingers ran down Seungmin's outer legs, and as he slipped his undergarments off completely, Seungmin settled back into the bed.

A playful smirk tugged at his lips and he moved into a kneeling position in front of Seungmin. The younger boy purposely had his knees closed, but Hyunjin was quick to change that, using his hands to spread Seungmin's legs apart. His eyes ran down his body, a lustful glint in his eyes. Seungmin had to rolled his eyes at the view. 

-

"Hyunj? Babe?" Hyunjin groans, rolling over and dragging Seungmin's pillow into his chest. 

  
  
"What time is it? Why are you up?" Hyunjin grumbles into the pillow with his eyes still shut close.

"I got to get the kids off to school, it's Monday."

"I was suppose to do that." Hyunjin points out, rolling back over so he can peek at Seungmin. He watches Seungmin set a plate and mug down on the bedside table before he kneels on the bed, kissing Hyunjin's temple. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Those are the days that Hyunjin were suppose to get up with the kids and get them ready for school.

"I know, but I was already up. There's no sense in you getting up too. I made you breakfast though, and I want you to eat it before it gets cold. I'll be back in fifteen."

  
  
"Make sure Seungjin has his football for practice, and Jin Ae doesn't forget her art project; it's due today."

  
  
"They got'em Hyunjin, no worries. Here, eat." Seungmin grabs the plate, waiting for Hyunjin to shift and sit up, his knees coming up as well to hold the plate. It's a full breakfast with eggs, sausage, and toast. Hyunjin thanks him, smiling brightly at his _husband_. Guess what, he really do have the best husband in the world.

  
"Are you bringing Mina or should I turn the baby monitor on?"

  
  
"She's up and already in her car seat, ready to join me. Relax for fifteen minutes would you?" Hyunjin nods, sighing happily and taking a bite of the toast. "Bye Babe." Seungmin kisses his head again, moving to leave. 

  
  
"Seungmin!" He turns back, hand on the door and smiling at Hyunjin in question. "I love you." Hyunjin says so genuinely that Seungmin has to turn back and go in for a proper kiss, cupping Hyunjin's cheeks.

"I love you always." he whispers, rubbing Hyunjin's cheek. 

  
  
"Bye." Hyunjin says softly, watching Seungmin hurry away, not wanting to be late.

Seungmin hurries down the stairs, picking up the car seat that Mina is happily babbling in. She's seven months now, and getting too big for Seungmin's liking. Her deep brown eyes look up at him and she squeals in delight. 

  
  
"Hello my love," he coos. Hyunjin and him went through the adoption process for this angel – Hyunjin's requests for this time around. They found a young girl who was distraught when she found out she was pregnant and immediately knew adoption was her best option. They got to be there for the birth, name her, and got to take her home two days after. The adoption closed and agreed that the young girl, Katie, would not like to see her after this – her choice. "Where in the world are your siblings?" Mina just squeals more, offering no help, but Seungmin is left smiling fondly at her. She's amazing, has been since they brought her home. "Seungjin? Jin Ae? Time to go loves!" He heard the stomping shoes as they came running down the hallway, rough-housing and trying to beat the other to the door.

"Hah! I win! Loser!" Jin Ae sticks her tongue out as she beats her twin brother to the door. 

  
  
"Ae, watch your words. I don't like that word, even if you did totally beat him. I mean, honestly Seungjin, do you even run in footie practice?" Seungmin teases as he turns from his blushing daughter to his affronted son. 

  
  
"Dad!" he whines. "Of course I do! Coach says I'm one of the best runners! Even you said it last week!" Seungmin chuckles and nods.

  
  
"Yes, well you most definitely were the best runner at your game on Saturday." Seungjin grins in pride, grabbing his backpack and football next to the door, and hurrying out it after pushing his sister. Jin Ae grabs her things as well, rolling her eyes and holding the door for her dad. 

  
  
"Appa, aren't you going to yell at him for pushing me?" she asks as if she's an innocent angel. Seungmin loves her, more than he could put into words, but she's no innocent – angel yes, innocent no.

"Should I yell at you for pushing him so you could get to the door first?" He counters. She opens her mouth to say something before thinking better and sighing with a shrug.

"That's true."

"Get in the car darling," Seungmin chuckles, running his free hand over her head of hair. The twins were born by the help of a surrogate – Sarah. She was lovely, and had similar features to Hyunjin; sharp eyes, dark hair, and tall, so they made the decision with her. Seungmin donated his sperm, she donated an egg and then she carried the babies for eight months and two weeks. Seungmin was delighted when he found out they were twins, happy to know he carried the Kim twin gene. Raising them was a blessing, raising them with Hyunjin was everything he wanted and more. Their eight now, standing tall and lanky - not yet filled out their bodies, black straight hair – Seungmin's color, but Hyunjin's/Sarah's curls, and sharp eyes. They were both stunning, and it frightened Hyunjin to death. Seungmin wasn't worried too much though, Seungjin was a respectable young man and Jin Ae was so shy it hurt sometimes.

He watches the twins climb in the car, Jin Ae sat in the passenger seat – it's her turn today, and Seungjin in the back behind Seungmin's. Seungmin walks around and pulls open the door, snapping Mina car seat into place. He moves the mirror on the headrest so he can see her perfectly when he looks in the rearview mirror before climbing in as well.

"Dad, are you picking me up from practice or is Papa?"

"I'm picking up Jin Ae, so your father will probably pick you up. Depends on how long he is need down at the dance studio today."

"Okay, can you remind him it's 6:30, not 6. I felt bad making him wait."

"He doesn't mind, I actually think he enjoys watching you practice. He comes home gushing to me about how good our little Seungjin is doing. He's really proud of you Seungs." Seungmin looks in the rearview and sees his boy blushing, smiling down at his lap.

"Thanks Dad."

"Are you guys going to make it to my art show tomorrow? I have three pieces in it Daddy!" Seungmin takes his eyes off the road for just a second, smiling at his daughter. 

  
  
"We wouldn't miss it, Love. Your father and I both informed work that we would be out for a few hours tomorrow afternoon, we even thought about pulling Seungjin from class so he can come as well. Would that be cool?"

  
  
"Oh please!" Jin Ae begs happily at the same time Seungjin cheers. 

  
  
"Score! No Math or English tomorrow!"

  
  
"Make sure you don't fall behind though Seungjinnie or else–" 

  
  
"I know, no footie." he groans. Seungmin nods as he pulls into the school, turning into the student drop off circle. He pulls over to the curb, putting the car in park and unlocking the doors. Seungjin hurries to get out, yelling a quick "love you, bye" before rushing to catch up with two of his friends and teammates. Seungmin waves with a laugh, watching Jin Ae take her time. She climbs from the car and Seungmin watches as someone calls her name. His eyes get drawn to a boy who waves at his daughter. Jin Ae blushes, waving back shyly before turning to look at his father. 

  
  
"Darling, who is that?" The boy is cute, and he seems to be waiting for her. 

  
  
"Sammy, he's in my Art and Math class." she explains softly, trying to hide her red face. 

  
  
"He seems nice, and I think he's waiting for you." She looks up again and the boy – Sammy – smiles softly, shoving his hands into his pocket with a small shrug. She smiles back and holds up her pointer finger to tell him just a second before looking back at Seungmin.

"Daddy? Am I allowed to have a boyfriend?" Seungmin's heart lurches at the question. Oh God, she's growing up.

"Uhm," he mumbles, "Is that who he is? Your boyfriend?" Jin Ae shakes her head.

"No, not yet. B-but I do like him a bit," she admits, a flush taking over her cheeks.

"Okay darling, how about we talk about this at home tonight with Papa?" She nods happily, checking once more to make sure she has everything before saying goodbye. "Love you angel, have a good day."

"Bye daddy, love you too" She shuts the door, walking quickly to Sammy who smiles happily and starts talking as they turn to go into the school together. Seungmin sighs, shaking his head before looking to check on Mina who is fast asleep. His heart pounding happily as he pulls away from the school. He has no clue how he got so lucky in life.

Once he had each their home, Seungmin sets the keys down by the door, placing Mina's car seat down as well as he carefully shuts the front door so it doesn't slam. He can hear Hyunjin in the kitchen which makes him roll his eyes. Hyunjin doesn't have to be to work till ten and it's barely past eight, he should still be in bed. Seungmin bends down, carefully unbuckling his little girl, and picking her up. She's still fact asleep, so she rests against Seungmin's chest as he makes his way into the kitchen. Hyunjin is at the sink, back to Seungmin as he washes the dishes from breakfast – dishes Seungmin's was going to do. The radio is playing softly on the windowsill and Hyunjin is singing along to Crush's Beautiful- their _wedding song_. Seungmin smiles so happily, moving to place Mina in the rock-a-baby they keep in the kitchen. 

  
  
"I was going to do those Hyunj, you didn't need to get up and do them." He looks up as Hyunjin looks over his shoulder, smiling brightly. Seungmin stands up, smiling back as he looks him over. Hyunjin looks the same when they first met here at L.A. His eyes and lips are still so prominent, his hair is cut now, but he looks just as handsome. Seungmin moves around the counter, turning the faucet off and washing his hand, until he sees Hyunjin's hand extended to him. "Dance with me." Seungmin doesn't need any convincing as he dances around the kitchen with Hyunjin, singing the words to their wedding song to each other. He usually didn't want to play along Hyunjin's playfulness, but he was in a good mood today, so he just let himself free. When the song ends, Seungmin has Hyunjin pushes against the counter, he's leaning into his chest, head craned so he can look up at his man. 

  
  
"How were the kids?"

  
  
"Good, Seungjin said you can come at six today and watch him practice a bit if you want." Hyunjin nods happily, running his hand up and down Seungmin's back. "Jin Ae has a crush on a boy. His name's Sammy. I said we could talk about a boyfriend tonight."

  
  
Hyunjin had to pull away from his husband. "Boyfriend!? She's only eight!" Hyunjin stated with his eyebrows furrowed. Seungmin shrugs, reaching up to kiss the creases on Hyunjin's forehead. 

  
  
"It's all innocent. We can discuss it tonight."

  
  
"She's eight Seungs. She doesn't need a boyfriend at this moment." 

  
  
"You were basically had a crush on me when we first met."

  
  
"Yeah, but–" Hyunjin doesn't know what to say, making Seungmin laugh, leaning onto his tiptoes to kiss Hyunjin's lips. "I love you." Hyunjin smiles in the kiss, humming happily. 

  
  
"Thank you for this life." Seungmin stated genuinely as he pulls away to smile fondly at Hyunjin, resting his hands on Hyunjin's shoulders. "Thank you for all this love Seungs. I'm so happy, I couldn't ask for more. I love you."

  
  
"I love you too Hyunj, more than I thought it was possible to love."

Seungmin's heart-strings play a beautiful melody, pumping warmer blood into his system as he lets the silly smile overtake his slightly chapped lips. They don't move, they don't speak, but it's one of those moments Seungmin will remember for the rest of his life. One of those moments that'll never change, no matter how much bad scenarios and memories will try and alter it – it'll remain the same way, just like the handful of others he's collected in the mental mahogany box inside his mind. Just like when they stood inside their home sweet home, cheeks pink from the love from each other.

END.


End file.
